45: Teddy Hug

She turned and tossed on her bed, but nothing seemed right. She knew something was off like it had always been. No, maybe this was the first time something was off, and she didn’t have an idea how to deal with it. Yazeed hadn’t been himself since they met Jibril, and don’t forget about the fact that he hadn’t taken his dinner with her, claiming that he had work to do. Not that she condemned him having so much work, but at least she couldn’t understand why he was so off the creek. Who was Jibril to her? Did they have problems because of him or what?

She hugged her huge teddy bear tightly and wondered how she still had them here because I mean, she had a husband now, right? Even though the time she had spent with Yazeed in this house without sleeping together with him or in he came over here, even if they didn’t do anything, they at least slept together, right? She knew why she had them here, to hug them while she slept alone. Wait, or did he think she was still not ready? But that didn’t mean she couldn’t sleep together with him, right? As in, just a normal sleep.

She groaned softly, what did she have to do now? She knew he was either angry, annoyed, or just wanted to avoid her for reasons known to him but whatever it was, it was surely related to Jibril and she wanted to know why. No, he didn’t have to tell her why if he didn’t want to, but she just wanted him to be who he was with her. Like he used to be with her, how he used to act. Not this sulking Yazeed that looked as if he would cry the very next minute. She sat upright and brought her teddy to her chest, childishly pinching its cheeks.

“What do you think I should do?” She asked, but it was expected that an answer didn’t come through. She just stared at it until she concluded and before she could fight herself off about it, she stood to her feet. Still hugging the teddy to her chest, Jalilah fixed her turban and walked out of her room. She hoped what she was doing wasn’t wrong, but who cared? This man was her husband, and it was only right if she sought peace with him.

She walked to his room and stood by his door, contemplating whether to knock on it or not, but she opted for the former. She softly knocked as if she was afraid if she knocked harder her frail fingers would break. There was a shuffle before he unlocked the door and he stared at her with an inquisitive look. “Do you need something, Jalilah?” He asked while his eyes landed on her teddy bear, she clutched onto it and pouted her lips.

She looked through his room and spoke, “Can I come in? I want to talk to you, Yazeed.” He was hesitating but not to make her suspicious, he moved aside, and she walked into his room. It was dim, there was no light apart from the light illuminating through his thick curtains which weren’t bright enough. She sat at the edge of his bed and thought about how this was the very first time she was entering his room.

He came and sat at the other end of the bed while staring at her, “Are you okay? Or you're sick or need something, Jalilah?” He asked again because seeing her in his room was the last thing he wanted. She had to tell him whatever it was she needed and walk out of his room. He trusted himself, but you could never tell when there was a woman involved.

She sighed and hugged her teddy again, “I’m sorry, Yazeed.” She apologized, softly without looking into his eyes.

“What are you apologizing for? Something happened?” He questioned and she looked at him with a whine and pouted lips. If he wasn’t mistaken, there was a gleam of tears in her eyes, even though it was so dark for him to see through.

“You are angry or annoyed at me, you’re even ignoring, or should I say avoiding me? You didn't have dinner. Did we always have a problem whenever that guy is involved? What’s his name again? Yes, Jibril.” She couldn't help voicing everything out in a go. She wanted to know, to make sure so the next time they will run over him she could do all she could not make Yazeed angry at her. She hated it when he was all reserved and cold towards her.

“Jalilah...” He stared but stopped, he didn't know what to tell her or the right way to justify his acts. She always noticed, even the slightest things from him and he wondered how she did that. If he told her that he wasn’t angry, she wouldn’t believe him because she knew he was, and it didn't look like a good lie.

But she cut him off before he had the chance to say anything, “If it was something, you know I can't remember it, right? I don’t even remember his name or what he was to me, why would you punish me this way? I don’t know about anything, even if we shared any relationship with him, you’re the only one that matters to me now, what more do you need?” She was in tears before she was done and the moment Yazeed noticed the, he rushed to the edge of the bed and sat down. He had promised himself not to make her cry during this time, she had to be as happy as he could make her fell.

“I'm sorry, Jalilah. I didn’t know you’d be hurt this much, okay?” He spoke softly and she nodded her at him while taking him into an embrace. She rested her head on Yazeed’s chest and felt the way his heart was wildly beating. Did his heart always beat that way, or it only beat that way whenever he was together with her? She wished she could ask him about that, but she didn’t know how to put the words.

Yazeed was reluctant at first, but later he realized he had no choice but to wrap his hands around her. Some part of him was screaming that he didn’t know where this way going, he had to be careful. To her, she was his wife, and everything was okay even if it happened. But he knew it wasn’t like that, nothing would be okay if it happened. And he couldn’t forgive himself if something happened. She looked up from his chest and he could see how beautifully she smiled looked.

“Can I sleep here? Please?” She asked, and he stared at her without knowing what to say. She softly tightened her hold on his body while she asked with the most flattering voice he had ever heard her use, seductive even. “Please, Yazeed. I promised to be a good girl. I mean, you’re my husband, I know I’ve told you I wasn’t ready, and you respect that. If I'm ready, I'll tell you, okay?” He was still silent, battling with common sense and his devilish mind. He wanted her to, but he didn’t want her to either. But the moment she rocked them softly with a whiny voice as she said, “Please, Yazeed!” She drawled and before he got a hold of himself, she added, “Pretty pleaseeee?” He didn’t have to look at her to know she was giving him those puppy eyes with the seductive look he didn't know how she mastered it.

It was getting to him; he knew it was better to let go of her unless he wanted to be the initiator of whatever it was that was going to happen. He softly peeled her from is the body while he rested his hands on her shoulders, “You’ve once told me that you can’t sleep unless you either hug someone or your teddies, which has always been your teddies. You’ll hug it too today, deal?”

She giggled softly and stubbornly shook her head, “Why couldn’t I hug you? Aren’t you my husband?” She questioned and Yazeed wished he could smack her head, she was hell-bent on making everything hard on him, didn’t she understand that? He didn't what to be an irresponsible man, he didn’t want to make a mistake.

“But Jalilah you said you aren’t ready yet, do you want to make life so hard on me? If you can’t promise to hug your teddy then I'll take you back to your room now. Which one do you want?” He asked and began to stand up, but she quickly nodded her head.

“I agree, I'll hug my teddy. Which side do you like?” She asked while staring at his bed, internally smiling that she had at least won this battle. He showed her the left side and walked to the bathroom without another word. Jalilah wished she had her phone with her, she would have called Farha and asked her about the tips on how to seduce a man. No, she still wasn’t really but she kind of enjoyed it whenever she saw him feeling edgy even though he wouldn’t want to admit it just yet.

She acted as if she was asleep and felt the way the right side of the bed dipped, emanating he had gotten into the bed. She smiled and was silent for a moment before she rolled to her side and stared at him from the pillow, “Yazeed?” She called out softly and he opened his eyes, it was evident he was having a hard time.

“Won’t you give me a goodnight kiss?” She asked with a slow tune that it amazed her how she did it. Because she couldn't remember when she thought of being like this or tutored herself into being this way.

“Jalilah, you promised.” He warned, and she softly smiled.

“It’s just a kiss, I promise it won’t be longer than you intend to. Come on, you’re my husband and do I have to beg for a goodnight kiss, Yazeed?” She whined and he sighed softly. Maybe this girl wanted to see the end of him. But the last thing he wanted to be was for her to get suspicious of their marriage because this was not how a man treated his wife.

He rolled softly to her side and watched the way she was smiling at him; he didn’t want to see her smiling at him like this. What would he do? How did he even agree to let her sleep in this room? What was wrong with him. “Close your eyes, you just want a goodnight kiss, right?”

She grinned before she closed her eyes and gave a straight face. He closed his eyes, hoping for the divine intervention while he softly kissed her forehead, he hoped that will be enough. But before he got the chance to lift himself off from her, Jalilah opened her eyes and pulled him to her while she merged their lips. He opened his eyes and she smiled mischievously while she began to kiss him softly and fiercely. The moment he felt her fingers in his hair, Yazeed knew she either wanted him dead or just wanted him to do the only mistake he was sure she would hate him for.

She softly moaned and he felt her delicate skin underneath him. Jalilah, please. He silently begged, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop them. To stop kissing her no matter how much he tried but he knew it would only be a matter of time before they got into something deeper that he was sure they wouldn't be able to control themselves. The moment he felt himself placing his hand below her right shoulder, he knew it was now or never. He either had to stop now or he would regret this in the morning. And with aplomb, Yazeed peeled his lips from hers and he didn't know when he slumped on her chest. Jalilah, please.

{}

She had her bathe while grinning widely, she didn't know why it always excited her whenever she kissed him. And it felt good waking up beside him with his hands wrapped around her whole body, she intentionally threw her teddy away because she was sure she would lean onto him while asleep. She walked out of the bathroom thinking of that worn-out look she saw on his face this morning, smiling to herself. But one thing wasn’t clear to her, and she had to call Farha about it.

She got ready and sat on her bed, didn’t have it in her to go downstairs or even force herself to do all the things left for her before it was time for her art class. She pulled the phone to her ear when Farha picked it up and waited until she was done giving out an order and she got back to her. “Sorry, babe. What were you saying?”

“I have something important to talk to you about, Farha. That’s why I called while knowing you’re at work, are you alone? She asked and waiting until she stopped hearing the shuffling sounds as Farha walked back to her office.

“What is it? Is everything alright, Jalilah?” She sounded tensed as if something was bound to happen and she was dreading for its time.

Jalilah shook her head, “Nothing happened, well maybe something happened. But it’s not my memories even before you asked. And even though sometimes if things happen, I feel like it’s a deja vu. But it’s nothing serious. It’s something entirely different this time.” She spoke rapidly and wanted to voice it all out before her little confidence got crushed. “Here it is, my husband, I mean Yazeed. I asked him the other day and he told me that we didn’t do it yet. But what’s baffling me is, he could only kiss me, Farha. I don't know why he had never exceeded the limit of just kissing me, even though he said that I once told him that I'm not ready. But I feel like I am now, Farha, what might be wrong?” She questioned, she wished she could know the answer.

Farha knew this might come, but she had never imagined it now. Well, maybe it was the one thing she had been dreading all the time. “Jalilah, I don’t know what I should tell you. Tell me everything so I can know.” Somehow, Farha knew that Yazeed was doing that because he couldn’t take advantage of her and she found herself respecting him for that.

“Two days ago, I went to his room and slept there. I kissed him, Farha, it was so intense but somehow, he stopped even kissing me. He just slumped down on my chest as if it was something that he couldn’t do. What’s your take about this? He’s been avoiding me now; I don’t know how he does it, but I don’t even see him anymore. It’s like he knows the times I'm not in the living room and he quickly goes into his room. Do you think he’s sick or something?”

Farha couldn’t stop herself from laughing out loud as much disturbing as this was. She didn’t know what she would do. Advise her that she should make them do it? Or just ignore him as he ignored her? But she knew how stubborn Jalilah could be, if that girl wanted something, she would get it no matter what. Saying she shouldn’t do it would just be a waste of time. “What do you want to do? And why do you think he’s sick, Jalilah?”

“It’s not funny, Farha, I'm serious about this. If he’s not sick, why would a healthy man have me as a wife, and you know? Just act as if it’s nothing? I can’t begin to comprehend it. He even refused to see my hair that time, something about how protective of it I was, and we had a promise. I just can’t understand.” She sighed and palmed her face, she had been having these thoughts for the past two days now, and even though she had been having plans she didn’t know what to do.

“Let’s forget about him, what do you want? You as a woman, as a wife, if a man, your husband I mean, ignores you in that way, what should you do? What do you want to do?”

“I want him. I mean, you know what that means, not in that way...urgh!” She groaned softly and realized it would just be a waste of time. “You get what I mean, we can’t stay like this forever.”

“What have you done already? I know you’ve done something before you called me.” Did she ever mention that this lady knew her so much?

“I've ordered some lingerie, perfumes, and aphrodisiacs. I'm not sure if I can use them yet, that’s why I called you to discuss.”

Farha threw her head back and laughed, “Are you going to drug him with aphrodisiac, Jalilah? Please don’t do that if that’s what you’re thinking of doing, okay? We have to find a way, you have to seduce him first, you can use the aphrodisiac if you want to, but you have...” She spoke longer than she had intended to. Because she knew if she told Jalilah not to do, that was when she would love to do it. But she was certain that she had to call Yazeed and warn him. What wait, what would she say to him? She would surely be embarrassed. But it was a good thing that he was reacting this way and she was certain he wouldn’t take advantage of her crazy little best friend. She knew if Jalilah wanted something, she would have to get it no matter what. But she discreetly prayed that this time, she wouldn't get what she wanted.

After Jalilah was done taking to Farha, it was already time for her art class. She did a few touches on her face and took her bag, walking downstairs while she thought of all the things she could do. All the things she had discussed with Farha. At some point, it looked as if Farha wanted her to take the initiative but somehow, Jalilah knew she didn’t want to. She rushed to the kitchen to get something for herself but to her surprise, when she entered the kitchen there were pancakes and a note placed beside them.

‘I don’t know why I'm doing this, you’re probably asleep by now and by the time you wake up they might be cold for you to eat. Either way, stay healthy and happy, Ballerina.’