Chapter 187 HERE TO STAY

Chapter 187 HERE TO STAY
Maverick’s POV

After everything, that was what Bohdi said to me.

It had been months since I spoke to him last and that was the first message I received out of the blue; him pitying me because I failed.

I couldn’t deal with that.

I didn’t even know what we were anymore. Sometimes when I saw his car parked outside that little restaurant, I’d walk a little closer. Bodhi usually sat in a particular booth, back to the door. And when he was in class, he was so focused on the lecture I could stare at him for a few minutes. Heavy as they were, I don’t think he ever noticed the weight of my eyes.

What were we now?

I didn’t think he had someone else. Although how could I know for certain? Before his father made him stop speaking to me, he hid me really well, his dirty little secret.

So I couldn’t know. He could have a new man by now, a shoulder to cry on and a dick to cum on.

And I tried not to think about that because every time I did, my mood plummeted dangerously. And weeks later, I could admit that. I liked Bodhi. Even though I had been hesitant, I could see now that I wanted to keep what we had.

Sometimes it almost pushed me to call David, but every time I tried, I just… didn’t.

I also avoided thinking about the extra school year I now had to finish. I thought I would be more upset — and initially I was— but the fact that my father, the first reason I was in this college, was dead kind of took a gigantic weight off me when I realized that he actually didn’t see me fail.

That too took weeks of sleeping poorly. And I still slept piss-poor because of Rocky’s father, having resigned myself to that fate for however long he would haunt me. But at least I woke up content that Rocky was doing well.

His father could suck my balls.

A knock on the door had me vaulting up, stretching. That should be my food. It was a little early though, by almost fifteen minutes but who was I to whine?

I was walking to the door when I paused. I had forgotten the tip and went back to get it.

By the time I opened the door and saw Bodhi freaking Singh turned away, I dropped the money in my hand.

He turned back at the sound of the door clicking shut.

What the fuck?

I paused, back against the closed door and heaved like I had just run a marathon. It felt like there was a bomb behind that door about to go off and there was nothing I could do about it.

What is he doing here?

Even as I pondered the answer to that question I knew I’d open the door again. I had stayed away, kept my distance because that was what he wanted. But now he was here there was no need to deprive myself of him even if it was probably only going to be for a while, even if, like a bird, he was going to fly off again.

Slowly, I pulled the door open. He was standing there in jeans and a sweater, cheeks tinged pink, rolling his fingers around each other. “Hi.”

I loved this man.

The revelation came with a tired sigh, almost like a gotcha. I had been running from the emotion, doubting its existence and it came to find me itself. Here it was, pure and clear, burning bright.

I was fucked.

“Okay so,” he started as I was grappling with my thoughts, “I don’t know if you even want to hear what I have to say… but here it is.”

He cleared his throat like he was giving a speech. “Being under Father was suffocating, always has been, and if I stay there, it’s probably going to get worse. I have two feet and I’m going to stand on them even if I wobble a little bit at first. I don’t have a job and if I know my father, he’s going to make it very hard for me to find work as a nurse.”

He sighed, determinedly. “But I’m going to make it work because I don’t want to live like that anymore.”

What had happened to push him off the edge?

“I was comfortable. I haven’t always been comfortable and I was afraid of letting that go.” For a moment, Bodhi's eyes glided over. “But I see now that I won’t be comfortable there either. I think I kind of disowned my parents cause I have no idea if I can go back home. I'll leave that up to them.”

He what?

“What I’m trying to say is… I’m sorry. I've wasted so much time. And everything is so uncertain right now, I’m freaking out.”

He certainly looked like he was freaking out. I fought down the urge to reach for him, rub his back.

“But there’s one constant in all the plans I’ve tried to make and that’s you.” He breathed shakily. “I want to be with you, no matter what else I do.”

I knew where this was going deep down but the rides still hit me square in the chest. Those were words I had only imagined, because even in my dreams they weren’t possible.

And just because of the months of hurt, I pettily mumbled, “and your fiancée?”

He stepped back, sheepish. “It’s safe to say I won't be marrying her, whether you send me away or not.”

I tamped down my smile. He was the exact picture of nervousness. It felt like anything I said would send him into a dead faint.

I don’t think I had ever had feelings confessed to me in the night before.i had to say… I liked it.

I was willing to bet it wouldn’t be hard for Bohdi fo find his feet. He was smart, exceptionally so, and had such a sharp single-minded focus that whatever he wanted had no chance but to work out.

Besides I’d been at this whole fatherless thing for a while. I’d be there for him, hold his hand.

He swallowed shifting on his feet, and I realised I’d just kept him standing there for a while. He really did look like he was unconsciously holding his breath.

“Come in, let’s talk some more.”

I was right. He exhaled deeply, nodding so hard it was a good thing his head was screwed on.

He walked past the threshold into the room and I had to stop myself from taking an audible breath. He smelled good, familiar… right.

I shut the door behind him. I opened my mouth to say something, but suddenly it was all too much; the sight of him standing in our shared dorm where I replayed memories of him relentlessly.

I walked forward and captured his mouth with mine.

Yes, fuck yes.

He made a satisfied whine, his hand grabbing around my neck, fingers feathering over my freshly shaved head as I backed him against the door.

Later, definitely, I thought as he moaned, we’d talk later.

Fuck, I had missed this, so much. He’d better be here to stay because I had no idea how I’d let him go again.

I wouldn’t.

Never again.