Chapter 31: His secret

"You think you can leave?"

Napahinto ako sa paglalakad patungo sa front door nang marinig ang malamig nitong boses sa aking likuran. I gulped. Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko at kumunot ang noo sa kalituhan. I don't understand him. Hindi ba niya nakikita ang ginagawa ko? I am giving him peace, even when it's the complete opposite of his name. I am giving him the thing that he wanted from the start.

"You really think you can turn your back on me that easily, huh?" Napipikit ako ng mariin nang maramdaman siya sa aking likuran. I can even feel his warm breathing at my exposed nape. I attempted to clench my hands into fist but he was too quick to take a hold of it. Napamura ako sa aking isipan nang maramdaman ko ang mahinang haplos niya doon.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili pang mapasinghap ng malakas. Pakiramdam ko ay kulang ang hangin sa paligid dahil parang aatakihin na ako sa puso sa ginagawa ng lalaki.

I caused myself mentally. Damn! It only took him minutes for him to make me feel horny! And by his touch only! By his wicked touch! I cannot believe this! I got it bad, huh?

He casually snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me straightly to his chest. I can feel his rugged breath on my nape, and I swear, I was just stopping myself from moaning.

This is bad. This is really really bad. I am definitely swayed and I don't even know if I feel the same way with Ansel's, because I am feeling that this is deep and something unexpected.

Hinawi nito ang aking buhok sa kabilang gilid. And when it was completely exposed to him, he dropped some feathery kisses on it before settling on burying his face on the crook of my neck.

"I won't fucking let you leave when everything is fucking unclear for the both of us. I know I was at fault for being insensitive of my actions without understanding yours, baby. But please, ask away, I will answer it, gladly. Let's talk please." Nasa boses nito ang buong pasensiya at pagsusumamo niya. Hindi ako nakasagot. Kaagad na namuo ang luha sa gilid ng aking mga mata.

"Baby..." bulong nito at bahagyang humigpit ang yakap nito sa aking baywang pero sapat upang hindi naman ako masaktan sa yakap niya. "Please. Let's talk. I wasn't sleeping soundly this past few days baby, knowing that you are hiding your emotions to me. You are hiding what you truly feel, I don't like it. So please let's talk. Give me a chance to talk to my baby, hm?" halos napapikit ako sa lambing ng boses niya. I actually don't know what to do. But a huge side of me wanted to talk to him this instance, because I am definitely filled with curiosity right now, and that is the one driving me to face him.

Bumuntong-hininga ako bago dahan dahang tumango. I heard him sighed in relief and I smiled.

We both settled on the sofa, magkatabi at parehong tahimik. I don't want to start it, mainly because I don't know how. Total siya ang nag-aya, dapat siya rin ang magsimula, right? But... on the other hand, ako 'yong may mga tanong. I was the curious one, kaya dapat ako talaga ang maunang magtanong sa kaniya.

I pouted before looking at him. I had the urge to turn my gaze away when I saw him looking at me also, particularly at my lips.

"B-bumalik na ba 'yong..." I played with my fingers as I let out my little voice. I wasn't even sure if I should ask this or what, pero ito ang isa sa mga tanong kong mas nagpabagabag sa akin. "...'yong mommy ni Cerix?"

Napayuko ako. I am quite afraid of my own question, no, I am afraid of the answer. Takot akong malaman ang totoo dahil baka, tuluyan na akong mawalan ng posisyon sa buhay ng bata. How ironic. Takot akong mawalan ng posisyon, but in the first. place, wala naman talaga akong karapatan dito. Yes, I may have allowed myself to be a mother to him, pero hindi pa rin dugo ko ang nananalaytay sa dugo nito. Anak ko siya, because entitled that to him. He called me mommy, because he was looking for a mother figure. Pero paano kung... paano kung bumalik ang totoo niyang mommy?

"No baby, but even if she come back, my son won't accept her, nor me. I don't need her as well as my son. I thought that I have told you this before, hm?" Lumapit ito sa akin at hinawakan ang aking baywang. Mabilis ako nitong nabuhat upang mapaupo sa kaniyang mga hita ng patagilid. I sighed. Hindi na ako nagreklamo pa, because deep inside, I... do like it. I love the feeling of being surrounded by him. I love his warm and his perfume.

"What happened to is was plainly a mistake, but Cerix is not a mistake. He proved me that something in the bad side can be good, hm? That means I don't love the woman baby. She maybe the mother of my son, but that would be her only title in his life." Marahan nitong hinaplos ang aking pisngi. "She doesn't deserve the motherhood, but you are. You deserve it." I gulped. Muling namuo ang luha sa aking mga mata. I looked away before pouting. I hate the fact that he can actually brought every emotions in me in just a snap. I hate it, but I love it too.

"Paano kung hindi siya umalis? Paano kung hindi niya kayo iniwan ni Cerix?" Napasinghap ako nang pumasok ang mga ideya sa aking isip. "Siguro... kasal na kayo ngayon. Siguro... mahal mo na rin siya. Siguro... hindi tayo magkikita. Sigu—"

"Maybe... not." Napatingin ako sa kaniya. His sapphire blue eyes twinkled as it gaze on my bare face. "That won't happen, baby. Even if she didn't leave, I would still find a way for her to leave. Thank God she did it on her own though." He shrugged. Nangunot ang noo ko sa lalaki. How could he say that? "I don't love her. Damn. I don't even know why... she got pregnant because I was sure that I used protection that time. It was a one night thing—Hey chill... That was all in the past now." Sinamaan ko ito ng tingin.

"Dahil sa sobrang pagkababaero mo, ayan tuloy nagkabunga. But I was glad that it was Cerix though." napanguso ako sa bandang huli. Cerix is a good kid.

"I'm sorry. I was..." He sighed. "I was too preoccupied that time. I was frustrated because I found out that you are with your bastard of an ex-husband. I vent it all out with some girls. I was jealous because I can't do anything even if I wanted to. You were too young that time and Ythan forbid me to get close to you unless you are of age." Napakunot ang noo ko. I was... already in college when I had my first boyfriend which is Ansel. I wasn't... that young!

"I was in college! I wasn't that young, Chaos!" Napanguso na ako at hinampas ito ng mahina. We could've... baka... sana kami talaga ang nagkatuluyan nun..

Niyakap ako ng lalaki at hinalikan ang balikat ko. "I respect your brother baby. I wasn't glad that someone got you first, but I am now in relief knowing that you'll end up to me anyway."

"How can you be so sure?" tanong ko.

Narinig ko ang matunog nitong pag-ngisi. Dahan dahan namang humaplos ang kamay nito sa aking tiyan. I feel... giddy all of a sudden.

"I just know it," he whispered gently like he know something that I don't know.

Weird.