I NEED MORE TIME

I NEED MORE TIME
Ayla

I walked into my father's chambers.

Ever since that day, I had made it a necessity to visit my father whenever I was free, because it was only that time when I visited him that I got to realize how truly lonely that he was.

It was really sad.

And if the least that I could do was to keep him company once in a while, then I could do that… I would also never say it out loud, but I also enjoyed spending tie with him.

I missed my dad, and even though I knew that he didn’t birth me and he and mum were using me for what they thought I could be… but before things changed, they still took care of me, and for a few years I was happy.

And most times I actually like to think that there was a point in my life that they actually loved me.

He lay in bed, his body frail and weak, and his eyes sunken and tired.

It was weird seeing him like this.

My dad he was always so fucking strong and now there was this sickness, eating away at every single piece of him until he was left a shell of his former self.

I approached him, trying to hold back tears. He looked up at me, a faint smile on his lips.

"Ayla, my dear," he whispered, his voice barely audible.

I sat down beside him, taking his hand in mine. "Yes dad, I'm here right," I said, my voice trembling.

I place my hands in his, they were so skinny.

He squeezed my hand weakly, his eyes filled with love. "I'm glad you're here, Ayla," he said, his voice a little stronger now.

I nodded my head smiling “I am happy too” I said.

He coughed a bit and I quickly stood up to get him some water “here” I said and tilted the water carefully so that he could have a sip "slowly please" I did not want to have him choking on me.

“Are you ok dad?” I asked after he had drank the water.

“I am fine” he said nodding.

“Are you sure?”

I was still not convinced. He smiled “I am just happy that you are calling me dad again” he said.

I smiled.

In some ways I was glad that I could finally call him dad without feeling so fucking miserable all the time too.

"Dad, I have something to tell you...” I said “something important."

He tried to sit up but I quickly stopped him “relax, you could get hurt” I said.

He nodded “sorry”

I helped him to sit up carefully, setting the pillow at the back of his head comfortably, so that his back would not hurt.

“What is it?” he asked me.

I took a deep breath, my chest rising and falling slowly.

It was not like it was a secret per say but I was just nervous, sharing a good news with my father.... i did not have that in a long while.

"I'm pregnant," I whispered, my voice filled with excitement. "I'm actually having a baby, Dad."

My father's eyes lit up with joy, and a smile spread across his face. "Ayla, my darling girl…that's wonderful news," he said, his voice filled with happiness. "I'm so proud of you, my dear."

I nodded my head with a smile on my face.

I was just so freaking happy right now.

I felt tears of joy paring to my eyes as I hugged him, careful not to hurt him. "Thank you, Dad," I said, my voice muffled against his chest “you have no idea how much this means to me” I said,

And it did, so damn much, this was one of the things that I thought I would never get to experience, the feeling of sharing such happy news with my dad.

Would it be too much to say that I was on cloud nine?

Well fuck it, I was really, really happy and there was no going back.

He held me close, his arms weak but loving. "I'm sorry, Ayla," he whispered, his voice filled with regret. "I'm sorry for not being there for you, for not being the father I should have been."

I pulled back, looking at him with tears in my eyes. "Dad, you were a great father in the beginning," I said, my voice filled with so much emotion. "And no matter what I am proud to say that you taught me so much, and I love you for it."

My father's eyes filled with tears, and he smiled at me. "I'm proud of you, Ayla," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm proud of the woman you've become, and I'm so grateful to have been your father."

I felt a sense of peace wash over me as I looked at him. All of the grudge that I had held on to for years had finally washed over me and I was really grateful.

"Dad, I love you," I said, my voice filled with emotion “and I forgive you”

My father's face softened, and he smiled at me. "I love you too, Ayla," he said, his voice barely audible.

“Ayla” he forced out

"I'm here," I said, leaning closer, clutching his hand tighter. My heart thundered in my chest.

He smiled faintly. “You turned out… so strong. So much stronger than I deserved. Never change who you are” he said again.

But something about this felt different, a bad feeling took over me immediately.

Tears slipped down my cheeks. “Stop…Don’t say it like its goodbye.”

“It is,” he said gently. “And that’s okay.”

“No,” I choked. “It’s not fucking okay dad please, I need more time.”

His thumb brushed weakly against my hand. “I love you.”

And just like that… the light faded from his eyes.

Silence.

"No…" I whispered, shaking him gently. "Dad?" I leaned forward, heart shattering. “Please…”

But he didn’t move.

I broke. A sound tore from my throat—raw, broken... I could not even believe that this was happening to me right now.

I clung to his lifeless body, sobbing, begging the Moon Goddess to give him back, just for one more moment.

“Please… I want him back” I begged, but there was no reply.

I t was too late.

He was gone.