Chapter 36

She glanced from Trent to me then to the broken tree a few feet away. “Can we talk?”

Trent gave me a tight, “you know what you have to do” smile, and said, “I’ll give you two some privacy.” Then he left.

Normally, I’d be thrilled to be alone with Piper, but right now I had no idea how to act around her or what to say. She already knew how I felt, so repeating it wouldn’t do any good. So, instead of running my mouth, I stayed silent and waited for her to speak.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this sooner. I’m sure it came as a shock to you.”

I huffed. “That’s one way to put it.” I crossed my arms.

She closed the distance between us, and the heat from her body wrapped around me, chilling some of the icy-hot rage burning in my veins. “I’m so sorry, Jax,” she whispered. “You have no idea how badly I wish things were different.”

I stared down at her, my mind and heart conflicted. “So that’s it, then? You leave here in eight days and go parade yourself in front of Prince Jackass?”

She hung her head. “If I don’t, my sisters will die.”

All the fight left my body. This right here was why I had to give up, no matter what Trent said, because I couldn’t do something I knew would hurt Piper, and making her live with the guilt of her sisters’ deaths was cruel.

Gently placing my hand under her chin, I tilted her head up so I could see her face, and I eliminated what little space had remained between us. Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

“You know I can’t fight you on this, no matter how much I want to, not if you tell me this is what you want,” I said.

“I know.” Her voice caught, and she cleared her throat.

“Is this what you want?” My heart thrashed like a caged animal.

“Yes.”

And with that single whispered word, she sealed my fate. I was sentenced to an eternity of loneliness, of longing for the soulmate I couldn’t have. For the woman who didn’t want me the same way I wanted her.

Nodding, I dropped my hand and stepped back. “Will you at least answer a question for me?”

“Of course.” She wrapped her arms around herself.

“If things were different, would you have chosen—”

“Don’t.” She shook her head and held up a trembling hand. “We both know answering that will only make this harder.”

I hated to admit she was right, but still. I needed to know how she truly felt. Had I ever had a chance with her? Or had I been fooling myself this entire time? My heart pumped jagged shards though my veins, cutting and tearing me from the inside out. I’d never known such raw, unhindered agony existed. That I could simultaneously love and hate someone as much as I loved and hated Piper in this moment.

“When do you leave?” I asked.

“My sisters want to leave tonight. I want to stay until our deadline is up.” She took a hesitant step forward. “I’d like to spend what few days I have left with you.”

Agreeing with her request would be so easy, and God knew I wanted to. I wanted that more than anything—to have another week with her, to maybe convince her to change her mind about leaving—but she’d made her choice clear.

“Why? So we can delay the inevitable?” My laugh was harsh and full of bitter anger. “Your choice has been made. You should leave with your sisters tonight.” Saying those words left me feeling empty, like I’d floated out of my body and the person speaking was a shell of the man I was.

We silently stared at each other. My heart was slowly disintegrating in my chest, stealing my will to care about anything other than making the hurt stop. I wanted to rage and scream and murder while also wanting to curl into a ball and staying there until I eventually starved. Maybe then the pain would go away.

“If that will make this easier for you, then I’ll leave tonight,” she said.

I shook my head with disgust. “Don’t pretend to care about me.”

“That’s not fair, Jax.” She gave a hard shake of her head, her eyes a fiery green. “You know I care.”

“Yeah? Is that what you call all of this?” I waved my arms around erratically. “This isn’t a goddamn game, Piper. I’m not some plaything you can toy around with.”

Eyes black with rage, I took a step closer. No reason to hold back any longer. If she was leaving, she would do so with the knowledge of how I truly felt about this situation.

“You admit I’m your soulmate. You invite me into your bed. Multiple times. You beg me to bite you.” Another step closer. She stood still, her gaze zeroed in on me, not an ounce of fear or hesitation in her expression. “You tell me you love me, and now you’re just going to walk away like none of that matters? Like I don’t matter?” I pointed at myself. “Why the fuck would you do that when you knew exactly how things would end between us? Did you want to torture me?”

“Of course not.” Her jaw was clenched.

“Then why?” I demanded, refusing to let her weasel out of answering me.

“I did it because I knew how this would end. Because I know if he chooses me, I won’t ever be happy again, and I needed to know what true love felt like.” She drew in a shaky breath. “If I’m forced to marry a man I don’t love, at least I’ll have my memories of you to comfort me.”

Her words landed with perfect, destructive aim, and it took every ounce of control I had not to double over right there from the force of the truth she’d just hurled at me.

“So you’ve been using me?”

“No. I didn’t mean to, but I guess it seems that way, doesn’t it? I’m sorry.” She frowned. “But I have a duty to my sisters and my coven and the entire magical community.” She stood a little straighter, refusing to back down. I hated how much that turned me on, especially now when all I wanted to do was rage. “How can you ask me to turn my back on all of them?”

“I’m not asking you to turn your back on them.” I eliminated what little space remained between us. Even though I knew she was leaving, that I could never have her, I still needed to be close to her, to feel her against me. “I’m asking you to find a way to do what needs to be done that doesn’t involve you marrying Prince Jerkoff.”

“Maybe he won’t pick me.” Her voice was hesitant.

“You’re a lot of things, Piper, but I never thought stupid was one of them. Guess you just proved me wrong.”

Her eyes narrowed into tiny green slits, and her heart pounded furiously. Good. I wanted to throw her off guard. Maybe then she’d lose just enough control to finally speak the truth. I was damn good at pissing people off, saying things meant to get under their skin until they finally exploded. I’d lost count of how many times I’d faced off with Chloe like this, and then Abby.

“Did you just call me stupid?” Her tone rose with each word.

I lifted one shoulder in a lazy shrug. “If the shoe fits…”

“You’re an asshole.”

I stared down at her. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“You drive me mad.” She curled her hands into fists by her sides.

“Welcome to the club, sweetheart.”

“You’re rude and boorish and bossy and you think the world revolves around you, that everyone should do as you say because you’re—”

“Because I’m what?” The corner of my mouth lifted with a smirk meant to anger her. “Please. Don’t stop on my account.”

She huffed and took a small step backward. I took one forward, and I stalked her like that until her back hit a tree trunk. Standing as tall as she could, she lifted her chin. Her refusal to back down from me, to show even the slightest bit of fear, had bloodlust swirling on the edges of my senses. Piper held my gaze and remained frustratingly silent.

“Let’s say Prince Greaseball doesn’t pick you. Then what?”

“I’ll still have a duty to my coven and the magical community. The Pendragons are royalty. We’re expected to lead our people, to rule them.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. If he doesn’t pick you, what does that mean for us?” I planted my hand above her head, the tree bark rough against my palm.

“What do you want me to say, Jax? That I’ll let you claim me so we can live happily-ever-after? I won’t make you promises like that. I can’t.”

What was left of my self-control snapped. Rage erupted in me, and all I could see was everything I couldn’t have, standing there, taunting me. I spun away from her, snarled, and punched the closest tree. The trunk split and cracked, but I hadn’t hit it hard enough to uproot it. Just one more thing I’d managed to fuck up.

“Jax.” Her delicate hand rested on my arm.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply in an effort to get my emotions under control. One breath. Two. Three. On the fourth, I turned to face her. She stared up at me with tear-filled eyes. Then, the impossible happened—I completely and totally broke. When she left here tonight, there would be no healing, no mending my broken heart, no grieving and moving on. She was taking every piece of me that truly mattered with her.

“I wish things were different.” Her lips trembled as she spoke. “You don’t deserve this.”

“I’m getting exactly what I deserve.” The universe was finally getting its revenge for all the awful things I’d done.

“You’re not a bad guy. Hey. Look at me.” She flattened her palm against my cheek and nudged my face, so I was looking at her. She ran her thumb across my lips, and her free hand landed on my waist.

Groaning, I briefly leaned into her hand, then I removed it from my cheek. I pressed a kiss to her palm, her wrist, right over where I’d bitten her, and I slowly worked my way up her arm before dragging my lips back down to linger against her rapid-fire pulse. Liquid fire seeped through my veins.

“Will you wait for me?” she whispered. “If he doesn’t pick me, maybe I can come back.”

We both knew that was an empty promise. She wasn’t coming back. And I wasn’t going to torture myself waiting around for something I knew would never happen. I smiled sadly, my chest constricting with a sharp breath.

“I’ve been someone’s second choice before. I won’t do it again.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry, but you take me as I am right here and now, or you go to him and see what happens.”

Her eyes widened. “You know that’s not a choice I’m free to make.”

“Then this should be easy for you.” I shoved my hands into my pockets.

“You think this is easy for me?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. You tell me, Piper, because you’ve hardly said anything about the fact that you’re my soulmate. Do you even care?”

“Of course I care.” Her hands were again balled into fists by her sides, and her eyes blazed with anger and defiance.

“Prove it.” I stalked closer. “Do or say just one thing”—I held up my index finger—“to prove you care.”

“I don’t have to prove anything to you, Jax.”

I laughed bitterly. “You’re right. You don’t. But I don’t have to stand here and listen to you say a whole lot of nothing.” I spun on my heel, but each step I took was harder than the previous one.

Could I really walk away from her? I didn’t want to, but what choice did I have? She’d made her feelings crystal clear, and all I could do now was let her go.

“Stubborn vampire,” she muttered behind me, and an unbidden smile formed on my lips. Seconds later, footsteps closed in on me. “Don’t you dare walk away from me.”

I froze. “Why not? Isn’t that exactly what you’re planning to do?”

Slowly, she appeared in front of me, and her face was wet with tears. “Only because I have to. But I don’t want to. If I could stay here with you…” She wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I would, Jax. I’d stay. But right now, my duty to my coven is greater than my bond with my soulmate.” She sniffed and wiped her cheeks again. “Remember what I told you? That our kiss seals our bond?”

I nodded.

“For us, we’re granted only one first kiss that we must give to the person we choose to spend our life with. It’s our greatest gift to our mate. I knew kissing you would bond us and doing so would have been cruel knowing what’s waiting for me when I get home.”

“Kissing me is cruel but not everything else you’ve done and said?” I tilted my head, studying her, trying to understand.

“I’m so sorry, Jax. I don’t want you to suffer. I thought maybe…” She shrugged. “I don’t know, that maybe we could have this time together and then be able to look back on it fondly.”

I shook my head with disgust. “It doesn’t work that way for vampires, Piper. Even though I haven’t claimed you, I’m bound to you in a way that I will never be with anyone else. I might be able to look back on this time, but I won’t be moving on.”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated.

Questions nagged at my thoughts, eating away at my ability to focus. “So, if he chooses you, and you two get married, he’ll take your kiss and you’ll be bound to him forever?”

Piper nodded, and that small gesture was like a rusty nail through my heart.

“What’s stopping me from kissing you right now, then? If you’re bound to me, he can’t choose you.” The thought took root in my mind, and I was having a hard time finding a reason not to do exactly that.

“You’re too honorable to do something like that.” Her voice was soft, and her words were nearly swallowed by the darkness surrounding us.

“Yeah, I’m also really fucking desperate right now, too.”

“Besides, if you steal my kiss, my bond, that’s as good as refusing this blood oath, and then my sisters will die.” Tears streaked down her cheeks. “If Prince Gregory chooses me, I’ll have no choice but to give him my kiss, and we’ll be bound. That’s how it is for my kind. I can’t stop it.”

“You keep saying “my kind.” But you’re a witch, and as far as I know, witches don’t seal bonds with kisses. They use blood oaths.”

“That’s because I’m not a witch. I mean, I am, but…” Her eyes met mine in a steely glare that had me mentally bracing for what came next. “Our mother was a dragon.”