Chapter 51 The Dinner
CAITLYN'S POV
At five pm I got up and started getting ready. Shower first. The water was hot and I let it run over me for longer than necessary, trying to wash away the fear. Trying to feel clean even though I felt so dirty.
When I got out I dried off and looked at myself in the mirror. My belly was round and swollen, and my face was pale. I looked exhausted and scared.
Makeup next. I added foundation to cover the paleness, blush to add color, mascara to make my eyes look bigger, and lipstick that Collin liked. The whole routine I had learned to do perfectly.
Then, for my hair, I blow-dried and curled it, and pinned it back on one side. Nothing too fancy but nice enough for a business dinner. Nice enough to make Collin proud.
The blue dress came last. I stepped into it and pulled it up over my hips and stomach. It was tighter than last month. The baby was growing fast. I zipped it up and looked at myself in the mirror.
I looked like the perfect wife. Pretty and polished and obedient. No one would guess I was screaming inside. No one would know I was counting the minutes until I could escape.
Heels even though my feet hurt. Black ones that matched the dress. I practiced walking in them to make sure I would not fall, I could not afford to look clumsy tonight.
Jewelry lasts. The diamond earrings Collin gave me. The necklace from our wedding. The bracelet was actually a tracking device but I had to wear it anyway.
I looked at myself in the mirror one more time. I looked perfect and I hated it.
Collin came home at five forty-five. He walked into the bedroom and looked me up and down. "You look beautiful," he said.
"Thank you," I said.
He was wearing his best suit. The one he wore to important meetings. The one that cost more than most people made in a month, he looked handsome and dangerous and I hated looking at him.
In the car, he held my hand to anyone watching. We looked like a happy couple, young and in love and expecting our first child. The perfect American dream.
But his grip was too tight, almost painful. His fingers dug into my hand like a warning. A reminder that he was in control. That I belonged to him.
"This dinner is important," he said. "I need you to smile and be charming. Can you do that?"
"Yes," I said.
"Good," he said. "Because a lot of important people will be there. People who matter to my business."
"I understand," I said.
Important people. That meant criminals, that meant corrupt cops and politicians. That meant everyone who helped Collin build his empire of lies.
The drive took thirty minutes. Thirty minutes of silence except for the radio playing classical music. Thirty minutes of Collin holding my hand too tightly. Thirty minutes of me trying not to throw up from nerves.
At the restaurant, we were led to a private room. Inside were a dozen men in expensive suits. Some had women with them, trophy wives like me. All of us are playing our roles.
I recognized some of them from the party months ago. Members of the organization. Men who smiled and shook hands while ordering murders behind closed doors.
"Everyone," Collin said. "You remember my wife Caitlyn."
They all smiled and said hello. Congratulated us on the pregnancy, said nice things about how I looked. All of it fake. All of it was a performance.
I smiled back and played my role. Laughed at their jokes even when they were not funny. Complimented their wives on their dresses. Acted like I belonged there. Like I was one of them.
But the whole time I could feel Collin watching me. Waiting for me to slip up. Waiting for me to give myself away.
Dinner lasted three hours. Three hours of small talk and fake laughs. Three hours of rich food I could barely eat. Three hours of pretending everything was fine.
By the end, my face hurt from smiling. My feet hurt from the heels. My whole body hurt from the tension of holding myself together.
In the car going home Collin was quiet. I did not know if that was good or bad, silence with him was always dangerous. It meant he was thinking, planning, or calculating his next move.
"You did well tonight," he finally said.
"Thank you," I said.
"Those men respect me," he continued. "And seeing me with a beautiful pregnant wife makes them respect me more. Do you understand?"
"Yes," I said quietly.
"Good," he said. "Because that is your job now, to make me look good and give me credibility. Nothing else matters."
Nothing else matters. Not my feelings, safety. Even the baby. Just his image and reputation. That was all that mattered to him.
I nodded and looked out the window. The city lights blurred past. People out there are living normal lives, going to movies, having dinner with friends,, and being free.
And here I was. Trapped in a car with a monster. Playing a role I never auditioned for. Waiting for someone to save me.
That was all I was to him. A prop. Something to make him look respectable and normal. A way to prove to the world that he was a good man.
When we got home I went straight to my room. Changed into pajamas. Washed off the makeup. Let my hair down. Took off the jewelry and the tracking bracelet.
I stood at the sink and stared at myself in the mirror. The real me. Not the perfect wife. Just Caitlyn. Scared and alone and desperate.
"Just keep pretending," I whispered to my reflection. "Rourke will come soon. Just hold on a little longer."
But I did not know how much longer I could hold on. Every day felt like a year. Every smile felt like dying inside. Every performance took a piece of me that I could not get back.
I got into bed and closed my eyes. Prayed for sleep. Prayed for rescue. Prayed for this nightmare to end.
Tomorrow I would wake up and do it all again. Smile, pretend,, and play the perfect wife. Because that was the only way to survive. That was the only way to protect my baby.
And maybe if I were lucky, tomorrow would be the day Rourke came. Tomorrow would be the day I finally escaped. Tomorrow would be the day this all ended.
But probably not. Probably tomorrow will be just like today. Another performance. Another lie. Another day of dying inside while smiling on the outside.
I touched my stomach where the baby slept. "I am sorry," I whispered one more time. "I am so sorry to
u are stuck in this with me."
Then I closed my eyes and waited for sleep that would not come.