Chapter 17 First Shift Attempt (Declan POV)
The moment Vivienne disappears into Thornfield House, I'm moving.
Not toward my dorm. Not toward safety or sanity or control.
Toward the woods.
My skin feels too tight, my bones aching to shift. The mate bond is screaming at me to go back, to claim her, to make her understand what she is and what we are. Dancing with her was a mistake. Holding her, breathing her scent, feeling her body against mine, it pushed my wolf past the breaking point.
"Declan, wait." Callum's voice cuts through the haze, but I don't stop. "Where are you going?"
"To run. I need to run."
"You can't shift this close to campus. Not when you're this unstable."
"Then I'll go to Greyfang Hollow." I'm already stripping off my shirt, the October air cold against overheated skin. "Tell the others to stay away tonight. I need space."
"Dec…"
"That's an order, Callum. Stay. Away."
I break into a sprint before he can argue, leaving my clothes in a pile behind me. The treeline swallows me, and as soon as I'm deep enough that no human could possibly see, I let go.
The shift takes seconds. Bones cracking, reforming. Muscles stretching. Senses exploding into full awareness. Pain and pleasure and relief all mixed together until I'm on four legs instead of two, fur instead of skin.
My wolf surges forward, taking control.
Run.
I run.
Through the ancient forest, over fallen logs, between trees that blur past in streaks of shadow and moonlight. My paws hit the ground in a rhythm that matches my racing heart. The scents of the woods flood my nostrils, earth and pine and small creatures that scatter at my approach.
But underneath everything, I can still smell her.
Vivienne. Mate. Mine.
The scent clings to me from our dance, vanilla and something wilder now. Something that speaks to the wolf in ways human thoughts can't fully process. She's changing. Awakening. Becoming what she was always meant to be.
And every instinct I have demands I be there. Help her. Guide her. Claim her.
I push myself harder, faster, trying to outrun the need. But it's impossible. The mate bond doesn't care about timing or safety or Edmund's surveillance. It just knows what it wants.
Her.
I reach Greyfang Hollow and circle the clearing, pacing. My wolf wants to howl, to call to his mate, to make her understand what's happening. But that would draw attention we can't afford. Would alert Edmund and possibly trigger Vivienne's first shift before she's ready.
So I pace instead. Circle. Try to burn off the energy crackling under my fur.
But it's not enough.
Because now I'm imagining it. Vivienne in wolf form, silver fur gleaming under moonlight. Running beside me, matching my pace. Her scent stronger, clearer, undeniably wolf and mate and pack.
The image is so vivid I can almost see her. Can almost hear her paws hitting the ground beside mine. Almost feel her presence like she's really here.
My wolf whines, the sound plaintive and desperate.
Eight days. Just eight more days and she'll transform. She'll be fully awakened, fully wolf, and then nothing will stop me from completing the bond.
But eight days feels like forever when every fiber of my being is screaming now.
I shift back to human, hoping it will help. It doesn't. Standing on two legs, half naked in the cold night air, I'm no more rational than I was on four.
"This is insane," I say aloud to the empty clearing. "You're losing your mind over a girl you've known for weeks."
But she's not just a girl. She's my mate. The one person in the entire world meant for me. And she's in danger from her own father while awakening to abilities she doesn't understand. Every protective instinct wars with the need to claim her, to mark her, to make absolutely certain everyone knows she's mine.
I shift back to wolf form because at least then I don't have to think in words.
The run should help. Always has before. But tonight, my paws keep turning toward campus instead of away from it. Toward Thornfield House. Toward Vivienne's window.
No. Bad idea. Terrible idea.
I force myself to run in the opposite direction. North, toward the deeper woods where our territory extends for miles. Away from temptation.
But my wolf doesn't want to go north. Doesn't want to run away from mate. Wants to run to her.
I'm halfway to campus before I realize I've turned around.
No. I stop, planting my paws. Not doing this. Not risking her safety because I can't control myself.
But the image is back. Vivienne in wolf form, silver fur, running beside me. And this time the fantasy expands. Her tackling me playfully, the two of us rolling through fallen leaves. Hunting together, moving as a unit. Curling up in the hollow, her warmth against my fur.
The domesticity of it makes my wolf whine again.
I want that. Want it so badly I can taste it. Want to show her this world, this freedom, this feeling of being completely and utterly yourself without restraint or suppression.
Want her to understand what Edmund stole from her.
My paws are moving again. Toward campus. Toward Thornfield House.
No. I stop again, snarling at myself. This is the heat cycle talking. The mate bond being new and overwhelming. I'm not thinking clearly.
But what if she's awake? What if she's looking out her window, wondering where I am? What if she needs me?
The rationalization is pathetic, and I know it. But my wolf doesn't care about logic. Only knows mate and mine and now.
I'm running again before I consciously decide to move.
The woods thin out as I approach campus. Thornfield House rises ahead, its windows mostly dark except for a few scattered lights. Third floor, room facing the moors. I remember Sophie pointing it out weeks ago when I was gathering information.
I can smell Vivienne from here. Her scent drifts on the breeze, stronger now that she's awakening. My wolf's entire focus narrows to that scent, to the need to follow it.
Just to check on her. Just to make sure she's safe.
The lie is obvious even to me, but I don't stop.
I circle around to the back of the building where shadows are deepest. Her window is dark, which means she's sleeping. Good. That's good. She needs rest before tomorrow's training.
I should leave. Should go back to the hollow or my dorm and try to regain some semblance of control.
But my wolf is fixated now. Staring up at that dark window like she might appear at any moment.
Maybe if I just see her. Just confirm she's safe and sleeping peacefully. Then I can leave. Then I can…
I'm already climbing.
The stone wall of Thornfield House has plenty of handholds. In human form it would be challenging. In wolf form, with claws and enhanced strength, it's almost easy. I scale the wall with single-minded focus, heading for her window.
This is wrong. This is stalking. This is exactly the kind of behavior that would terrify any normal person.
But I can't stop.
I reach the third floor, balancing on a narrow ledge outside her window. The curtains are partially open, and through the gap I can see her sleeping form. She's curled under blankets, dark hair spread across her pillow, face peaceful in sleep.
My wolf rumbles with satisfaction. Mate. Safe. Here.
Sophie's bed is empty, probably still at the social or getting ready for bed elsewhere. Which means Vivienne is alone. Vulnerable.
What if Edmund comes tonight? What if he's realized she's changing and decides to act? What if…
The window is unlocked.
I don't remember making the decision to check, but my paw is against the glass, pushing gently. It slides open with barely a whisper of sound.
No. Don't do this. Don't cross this line.
But I'm already climbing through, as silent as shadow. My paws touch down on the wooden floor without a sound. Vivienne's scent is overwhelming here…vanilla and wild things and home.
She stirs slightly, making a small sound in her sleep. My wolf freezes, not wanting to wake her. Just wanting to be near. To guard. To protect.
To claim.
The thought jolts through me like electricity. That's what I really want. To shift to human form, to wake her, to complete what we started in the library and finish this maddening pull between us.
No. Absolutely not. That's the heat cycle talking, not rational thought.
But my wolf doesn't care about rational thought. Only knows she's here, she's mate, and nothing is stopping us.
I take a step closer to her bed.
Then another.
Close enough now that I could reach out and touch her. Close enough to see the rise and fall of her breathing, the flutter of her eyelids as she dreams.
Close enough to…
Something hits me from the side with the force of a freight train.
I'm knocked away from Vivienne's bed, crashing into Sophie's desk. The noise is tremendous, wood splintering, objects scattering. I scramble to my feet, snarling.
Another wolf. Familiar scent. Callum.
He positions himself between me and Vivienne, hackles raised, teeth bared. His message is clear: Back. Off.
My wolf snarls back. Mine. Mate. Leave.
Callum doesn't move. He's smaller than me, subordinate by pack law, but right now he's not backing down. He's protecting Vivienne from me. From what I might do in this state.
The rational part of my brain, the small part still functioning, knows he's right. Knows I was seconds away from doing something Vivienne didn't consent to, something that would destroy any trust between us.
But my wolf doesn't care about consent or trust. Only territory and mate and claim.
I lunge.
We collide in a tangle of fur and teeth. Callum's smaller, but he's fast. He ducks under my attack, going for my throat. I twist away, snapping at his flank. We crash into the bookshelf, sending books tumbling.
"What…" Vivienne's voice, groggy with sleep.
The sound freezes both of us.
She's sitting up in bed, staring at two wolves fighting in her room. Her eyes are wide, violet-grey reflecting what little moonlight filters through the window.
"Declan?" she whispers.
My wolf whines, the aggression draining instantly. She's awake. She's looking at us. At me.
"And... Callum?" She looks between us, confusion clearing into understanding. "You're both…oh."
Callum shifts first, standing there human and half naked and looking deeply uncomfortable. "I'm sorry. I had to stop him. He was…"
"In my room," Vivienne finishes, her eyes on me. "Why?"
I shift too, equally half naked, equally uncomfortable, but unable to look away from her. "I couldn't stay away. The dance, your scent, everything…I lost control. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"
"Climbed through my window?" She should sound angry. Should be terrified. Instead, she sounds almost... amused? "Bit stalkerish, Declan."
"I know. I wasn't thinking. I just…" I run a hand through my hair. "I needed to see you. To make sure you were safe. And then I was here and you were sleeping and my wolf..." I trail off, not wanting to admit how close I came to crossing a line I couldn't uncross.
Callum clears his throat. "I followed him from Greyfang Hollow. Suspected he'd do something like this. Good thing I did."
"Yes," Vivienne says, still looking at me. "Thank you, Callum. For stopping him."
"Someone has to." Callum shoots me a look. "His heat cycle is getting worse. More unstable. Tonight proved it."
"How much worse?" Vivienne asks.
"This is the dangerous phase," Callum admits. "When Alphas lose all sense of restraint. When the need to claim overrides everything else. Usually lasts three to five days."
"So for the next three to five days, Declan might..." She gestures at the window. "Break into my room?"
"Or worse," Callum says bluntly. "Complete the bond whether you're ready or not. Mark you. Claim you in every sense of the word."
The description makes my skin heat despite the cold. Because yes, that's exactly what I want. What my wolf is demanding.
Vivienne studies me for a long moment. "Then I suppose we need better precautions. Locked windows. Maybe Callum standing guard?"
"I can do that," Callum agrees. "Owen too. We'll set up a rotation. Make sure Declan doesn't... visit again."
"I won't," I say, though I'm not certain it's true. "I'll stay away. I swear."
"You said that before," Callum points out. "And yet here we are, in Vivienne's room at midnight after you climbed through her window."
"He's right," Vivienne says softly. "Declan, I don't think you can stay away. Not in this state."
"Then I'll lock myself in my room…"
"Or," she interrupts, "we could move up the timeline. Complete the bond before the full moon. If that would help."
Both Callum and I stare at her.
"Absolutely not," Callum says. "You're not fully awakened. Completing the bond before you transform could…"
"Could what? Make things worse than they already are?" She's looking at me again, her expression calm despite the chaos. "Declan nearly broke into my room to claim me. That's not going to improve over the next eight days. It's going to get worse."
"She's right," I admit. "It's only going to escalate. And I don't trust myself to…" I stop, jaw clenching. "I don't trust myself."
"So we have options," Vivienne continues. "Either Callum and Owen guard my room every night until the full moon, which seems exhausting for everyone. Or we complete the bond and hope that settles things. Or..." She pauses. "We move up my transformation somehow. Force it to happen sooner."
"Can't force a first transformation," Callum says. "Has to happen naturally, during a full moon. Trying to trigger it early could kill you."
"Then we're back to the first two options." Vivienne pulls her blanket around her shoulders, looking between us. "What do you think?"
I want to say we should complete the bond. Want it so badly my hands are shaking. But forcing that choice on her, making her decide based on my inability to control myself, that's not fair.
"The guard rotation," I say, though the words feel like glass in my throat. "Callum and Owen outside your window. Someone always watching. That's the safest option."
Vivienne studies me for a long moment, then nods. "Alright. Guard rotation it is."
Callum visibly relaxes. "I'll start tonight. Owen can take over at dawn."
"And Declan?" Vivienne asks. "What will you do?"
"Stay away," I force myself to say. "No matter what my wolf wants. No matter how much it..." I trail off.
"How much it what?"
"Feels like dying. Being apart from you feels like dying."
The admission hangs in the air between us. Vivienne's expression softens, and for a moment I think she might say something. Offer comfort or understanding or…
"Eight days," she says instead. "Eight more days, and then we don't have to be apart. We can figure everything out then."
"Eight days," I repeat.
Callum starts gathering our scattered clothes…thankfully we both stashed some nearby for situations like this. We dress quickly, the silence heavy with everything unsaid.
At the window, I pause. Look back at Vivienne, who's still watching me with those violet-grey eyes.
"I'm sorry," I say. "For breaking in. For losing control. For…"
"I know." She pulls her blanket tighter. "And Declan? Thank you for caring enough to check on me. Even if the method was stalkerish."
A laugh escapes before I can stop it. "Stalkerish is an understatement."
"A bit, yes." She almost smiles. "Now go. Before I change my mind about the guard rotation."
Callum and I climb back out the window, descending the wall much more carefully than I climbed up. On solid ground, he turns to face me.
"That was too close, Dec. You were seconds away from…"
"I know. I know what I was about to do." The realization makes me sick. "Thank you for stopping me."
"Someone has to keep you from doing something you'd regret." He starts walking toward the treeline. "Come on. You're staying in my room tonight. I'm not letting you out of my sight."
"Callum…"
"That's not a request, Alpha. That's Beta telling Alpha he's lost privileges until he regains control." His tone is firm. "If you want your pack to trust you with Vivienne, you need to prove you can be trusted. And right now? You can't."
The words sting, but he's right. Tonight proved I'm a danger to everyone, including Vivienne.
"Alright," I agree. "Your room. And Callum? I'm sorry. For putting you in this position."
"I know. But Dec? This heat cycle..." He shakes his head. "It's worse than anything I've seen. And I'm worried about what happens in the next eight days before she transforms. Because if tonight was bad, tomorrow's going to be unbearable."
I glance back at Thornfield House, at the window where Vivienne's light has gone dark again.
Eight days until the full moon.
Eight days until she transforms and the bond can be completed safely.
Eight days that suddenly feel impossible to survive.