Chapter 84 Chapter 84
I didn’t leave my room for the rest of the day. Not because I was scared but because my chest felt too tight to face anybody. I didn’t even talk to Lina either, the silence felt safer than whatever waited outside my room door. The bed still smelled like Lucian.
I lay on my side, staring at the far wall, replaying the way Lucian pulled away that morning. The way urgent had replaced desire in his eyes. The way her name had cut through like a blade in our moment.
‘This is what Dahlia wanted. To place a seed of doubt in your mind. And that has started growing’ my wolf said. I shook my head.
But everything she said aligns with what happened. He rushed out this morning and looked very worried. She even said he still loves her. If he didn’t care about her, why did he hurry?
‘He’s the Alpha. He would be the first person to know if something happens in the pack’
‘He still hurried away’ I answered silently.
I turned restlessly on the bed, Dahlia’s words ringing in my head. We’ll see who eventually wins. You’ll never have his heart. What if she was right?
‘Don’t think about what Dahlia said rather focus on what you know’ my wolf warned.
Time blurred. There was a soft knock on the door, it was probably Lina but I didn’t answer. I wasn’t ready to face her yet and I didn’t need comfort. The light from outside shifted from gold to gray before I finally sat up. Night came heavy and slow.
I was half-asleep when the door finally opened. I felt him before I saw his silhouette in the dim light. Lucian. His presence filled the room even before my eyes got used to the darkness. It was stronger than the soft click of the door closing behind him.
I sat up immediately, my heart stuttering when I took in the tension in his shoulders, fatigue etched on his face.
“You’re back late” I said quietly. His jaw tightened.
“I know”
A generic answer. I waited but he didn’t speak. The silence stretched until it burned.
“You rushed out this morning” I said, unable to keep the edge from my voice. “You didn’t explain and didn’t even look back” his eyes flicked to mine, as if her were avoiding them all this while.
“I told you she had a panic attack” he said. The words landed heavily between us.
“What kind?” I asked.
“The kind that leaves someone gasping for air and clawing at walls that aren’t there. The kind caused by confinement” he said softly. I frowned.
“Confinement?”
“I ordered that she stay in the west wing and her doors guarded. She was not to come out for any reason. So, it triggered memories of what she went through. What she’s running from” my chest tightened.
“So what did you do? Comfort her from morning till now?” I couldn’t hide the anger in my voice.
“I adjusted the restrictions. She’s allowed to walk around the pack but we supervision”
I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood.
“You didn’t even tell me” I was disappointed.
“There was no time. I couldn’t consult you before taking a decision, it had to be done immediately”
“You didn’t make time” I shot back. He exhaled slowly, rubbing a hand over his face.
“Ailsa…”
“I don’t like how this is going” I interrupted, my voice shaky despite my efforts to steady it.
“You disappear all through the day. You make decisions without me. What happened to the mind link? Don’t answer that, you’ll just give another excuse. What else are you going to do? Give her a position? Make her feel like she belongs here again?”
“She does not belong here. I’m just helping her” he said sharply.
“She used to. And everyone knows it” I countered. His eyes darkened.
“That doesn’t change what we are”
“Doesn’t it?” I asked softly. The question hung between us, fragile and dangerous.
“I’m not asking you to be cruel to her. I’m asking you to take a step back and remember that I exist in this too”
“I’m trying to protect everyone” he said.
“That’s not the same as protecting us. It seems like you have forgotten what she did”
Silence fell again, thicker this time. He didn’t reach for me and I didn’t move closer.
“I won’t lock her up again. Not after what I saw today, Ailsa”
“And what about how I feel? Does that matter?” His mouth opened, then closed. That was answer enough.
“I thought as much” I mumbled.
“I’m tired and would like to sleep. You can sleep wherever you want” I said quietly.
Pain flashed across his face, but his pride or guilt kept him rooted in place.
“As you wish. Sleep well” he took a blanket and left the room. The door clicked shut.
I sat back onto the bed, the tears slipping free no matter how hard I tried to hold them back. My wolf curled but she was still comforting.
‘He loves you’ she whispered and I scoffed.
How was I to believe that when he had never said those words.
‘You love him too and that’s why it hurts so much’
I didn’t want to love him but it was already too late. I curled in my bed like a new born before I fell asleep.
Morning came and I didn’t feel better. The ache lingered behind my eyes, my chest was still tight. I dressed and left the room before my thoughts would stop me. If I stayed, I would cry again. So I went to train.
The familiar sound of steel clanking made me smile. I had missed the field. I found a partner to spar with, when I remembered our fight last night, I put in more strength. I pushed myself harder than I should have, letting exhaustion burn through the emotional fog. Sweat soaked my clothes, my muscles trembling as I finally stopped and sat on the edge of the field to rest.
I felt another presence deliberately stepping into my space.
“Luna”
The word was soft. I straightened slowly and turned. She approached slowly, her hands clasped in front of her. She wore pale blue, the color catching the light in a way that made her look fragile rather than weak. Her hair fell loose over one shoulder.
“I hope I’m not disturbing you?”
I studied her carefully.
“No, I’m only resting” I said flatly.
“Of course. I only wanted to thank you” she smiled gently.
“For what?” I asked.
“For understanding. For allowing me to stay. Lucian told me you agreed I shouldn’t be confined” my jaw clenched.
How could Lucian say that?
I didn’t want her to know that he didn’t tell me and so I nodded.
“It’s fine. You need help after all” I didn’t miss her smile flickering. She tilted her head, studying me openly now.
“You’re stronger than I expected” my wolf bristled. I met her gaze, unblinking. I scoffed.
“And you’re not here to make peace?” Something sharp flashed before her eyes.
“I’m here because I have no where else to go” she said softly.
“I know exactly why you are here and it’s not forgiveness” I said, my voice low. Her smile returned but it was sad.
“I promise I didn’t come here to cause trouble, I just need a little time” I rose to my feet, dusting dirt from my clothes.
“If that’s all…”
“There’s something else” she interrupted. She stepped closer, lowering her voice.
“Lucian spoke of you”
The sound of his name on her lips sent a sharp, unwelcome jolt through me.
“Oh?” I said.
“Yes” Her eyes flicked to my neck quickly, almost guiltily. “He said you’re stronger than you look”
I didn’t believe Lucian spoke about me with her. I was going to ask him about it when we are in talking terms.
“He speaks kindly of many people” I replied and she nodded.
“He always did. He has a generous heart. Sometimes too generous” then there was a pause. Then, softly, she added.
“It’s what made him easy to love”
There it was. A reminder that she was once with him.
“I’m glad he found comfort with you” Elara continued.
“Truly. After everything I put him through, it eases something in me to know he wasn’t alone” My fingers curled at my sides.
“You left him” I said, unable to stop myself. Her expression didn’t change, but something sharpened behind her eyes.
“Yes”
“You chose to go”
“Yes”
Silence stretched between us.
“I wonder if anyone ever warned you what loving an Alpha costs” she added.
“You should be careful. Lucian gives everything to the pack. Sometimes there’s very little left over”
“That’s enough” I said sharply. She looked startled.
“I didn’t mean it as a threat” Elara said quickly.
“Only… concern”
Her hand lifted unconsciously to her neck, like she was scratching but then I saw the faint outline just visible beneath her collar. A mark. Lucian’s mark.
“I never had mine removed. I couldn’t even when I was gone” she said softly. I knew she just did that to show me the mark.
My heart slammed violently against my ribs.
“It’ll fade eventually” I said, though I wasn’t sure why I was defending him. Elara smiled sadly.
“I hope so” She met my gaze then.
“I’ll leave you now. Before I forget, sorry for your panic attack and I hope you make use of the time you have here wisely”
With that, I left her there. I hoped she got the message.