Chapter 35 Snowy Sorrow
I felt like a madwoman running without caring if I might bump into any vampires. I couldn’t even see where I was going because tears kept streaming from my eyes, I just wanted to keep running and running. Far away from this place, far away from where it was snowing.
But I suddenly stopped running when I heard kids laughing as they made snowmen. I almost bumped into them, if I hadn’t heard their laughter, I might have ruined their fun. I would’ve even taken my anger out on innocent children.
They were throwing snowballs too, and some were rolling around in the snow. As I watched them laugh, I felt like a dying candle. I just chose to sit on an empty chair near some plants that were already lightly covered in snow.
I know in my heart that I’m only in the past, but I can’t accept that there was someone before me. Someone he used to shower with the same snow that’s falling now. Someone who drowned in his gaze, someone who heard his sweet whispers, someone who was trapped in his arms, someone who felt his kisses and most of all, someone he loved first.
I couldn’t stop sobbing when I saw a snowflake land on the back of my hands resting on my lap. I tried to brush it away several times. This snow falling all over Wisteria is for her. I can’t get what I saw out of my mind, they looked like they were in a beautiful scene from a romance movie, made even better by the snow falling from Kaizer’s power.
I buried my face in my palms because of how I felt. Jealousy is eating me alive! If only I could pull her away from him, if only Kaizer knew me back then. What was I doing in our world at this time? Damn it. I can’t take this. It hurts so much to see him with someone else.
He loved someone first, he loved someone first, Saera.
Did Princess Tatiana do this on purpose to make me see Kaizer with that woman? What does she really want to happen?!
Now I’m slumping in my chair and crying. I might as well lie down here. I can’t take that while I cry here, another woman is looking into Kaizer’s blushing eyes. Another woman is feeling his gentle touch. Another woman he wanted to make his queen.
I bit my lip hard when their kiss popped into my head again. Why did I have to see that? It’s damn breaking my heart. Shattered into pieces. No matter how many times I tell myself I’m in the past, I still can’t accept what I saw.
I want to be the only one, I want to be the only one for Kaizer. I want to be the only one he showers with snow, the only one who can stare into his blushing eyes for so long. I want to be the only one who feels his touch and the only one who gets his kisses.
I can’t take that someone else held my prince’s heart first. Someone was before you, Saera Yvaine Merriley… someone was before you…
Why isn’t this woman around now? Did Kaizer let her go because he had no choice when the blue fire marked him as the chosen prince?
Did Kaizer really want me? Or did he just force himself to want me because I’m a title he has to protect? Is this what I’m thinking now? If I had just been an ordinary woman, would Kaizer have ever known me? What if I wasn’t born as one of the four women?
I just closed my eyes and almost pulled my hair out from all the thoughts in my head. What else might I see in this past? I want to go back to the present, but part of me wants to stay here even though I know I could get hurt by whatever I see next.
I heard the playing kids whispering like they were talking about me. Looks like I’m drawing too much attention now. Damn it.
“The kingdom is celebrating, why is she crying?”
Instead of listening to them, I just kept sobbing. I don’t care anymore. This is how it feels, I thought crying over a man was stupid before but here I am doing more than just crying.
“May I sit next to you?”
I stopped crying when I heard a soft woman’s voice. I started to straighten up to give her space, but I kept my head down so she couldn’t see my face even though I was covered.
I kept my head bowed as I wiped my wet cheeks.
Where do I go now? Where is Princess Tatiana?
“Do you want to talk? I can listen.”
I was surprised when the woman next to me spoke again. I quickly tried to pull my cover lower when she glanced at me. But even though I only caught a glimpse of her, I can say she’s so beautiful.
Why does her face look familiar? Have we met before? I don’t know why I just stayed sitting there. Am I waiting for her to speak again?
“They say I’m good at telling fortunes. Let me guess why you’re crying.”
I stayed quiet and didn’t speak. Wouldn’t it be better to just leave and find the princess I’m with instead of talking to this beautiful woman?
“Is it because of love?”
I was about to stand up when she spoke again. I sobbed once more at her question. She really is good at guessing.
I bowed my head even lower. I took a deep breath before answering her, I don’t know why I did it. I need someone to talk to about this, and if I keep all what I saw to myself, I might never stop crying.
“What if you found out he loved someone first? The hugs, touches, and endless stares he shared with you. I thought I was the only one, but there was someone before me. Isn’t it only right to be jealous? I’m a woman, I want to be the only one, I don’t want anyone else to have been with him. Only me… I want only me. I’m jealous even though it’s the past… it hurts… I can’t take it.”