Chapter 5

Ruby turned on the ‘closed’ sign and pulled the daycare door shut. She sighed as she turned her key in the lock. Another day over. Another night in an empty house. She’d thought she’d be used to it by now. She had lived alone for a long time before she had gotten married. It had been bearable, but never felt right. And then Clark had shown up and it had been like a light switched on. Clark illuminated everything, making even the drabbest corners of Ruby’s life bright again. She had never laughed as much as when she had Clark.

Now?

Ruby unlocked her bike chain and stuck it in the basket. She flicked the bell on the handlebars a few times, just to hear a bit of its happiness before she started for home. It was the same bell Ruby had had since she was a kid. The sound of that bike bell had filled her with such joy when she first got it, she hadn’t stopped ringing it until Sam got mad and threatened to throw it in the trash. That bell still filled her with joy, but it now brought longing with it as well. Ruby longed for Friday night dinners with her parents again. She longed to fly her plane again, with Clark in the passenger seat and the dogs in back.

That little bike bell brought back the memories, but it couldn’t bring her parents and Clark back. Nothing could.

Ruby strapped on her helmet and meant to ride home, but she couldn’t stomach the thought of being alone right now. Almost of its own accord, Ruby’s bike took her toward downtown. A few streets away from Town Hall, Ruby turned into a small neighborhood, where she stopped at Zoe’s house.

Ruby let herself in and called, “Zoe, you here?” Zoe never locked her front door, and it wasn’t unusual for every light in the house to be on, so Ruby never knew if she would find her best friend home or not.

“In the kitchen,” Zoe called.

Ruby wandered in to find Zoe pulling meat out of the fridge. “Ooh…you making something good?”

Zoe turned and smiled. “Always. Want to help me cut some vegetables?”

Ruby grabbed the cutting board from under the sink. As she pulled open a drawer to get a knife, she paused. Even this kitchen hadn’t been the same since Clark died. Ruby tended to get so caught up in her own grief that she sometimes forgot she wasn’t the only one who had lost someone that day. Clark hadn’t only been Ruby’s husband, he was also Zoe’s brother. And it was Zoe’s house that reflected her grief.

When Clark had first visited his sister’s house years ago, he had suggested a pug theme for her kitchen. For some reason, the dancing chicken theme Zoe had going on had freaked him out. She took suggestions very seriously, and she had redecorated her whole kitchen because of him. Now? Zoe still had the pug theme, but it was a memorial. Before Clark’s death, Zoe would change the theme of every room in the house every so often. She hadn’t touched the kitchen in five years, though.

“You okay?” Zoe asked, breaking Ruby from her thoughts.

Ruby took the knife out of the drawer and plastered on a smile. She did that a lot. “Yeah, everything is great.”

“Liar,” Zoe said. She let out a long sigh. “You know, I remember a time when we used to go out and have fun together.”

“Hmm…what was that like?” Ruby asked.

Zoe set the meat down. “Look at you. Everyone else has moved on, but you just mope around, wishing for things you can’t change.”

“It’s better than forgetting,” Ruby murmured. That was one of her worst fears. If she allowed herself to move on, would she forget Clark like everyone else? As long as Ruby mourned, Clark would never truly die.

“You know,” Zoe said, leaning against the counter, “you have got to stop this.”

“Stop what?” Ruby asked.

“Feeling sorry for yourself.”

Ruby stared, stunned. She thought if anyone understood what she was going through, it would be Zoe. Everyone else told Ruby she needed to move on—get over it. But not Zoe. Never her.

“And why shouldn’t I feel sorry for myself?” Ruby asked. “My husband was killed in a plane crash only a few months after my parents died in a car accident. Oh yeah, and I miscarried my baby. Everywhere I go I’m reminded of someone I’ll never see again. So pardon me if I seem a little down from time to time.”

Zoe blew out a breath. “I know, you’ve been given a crappy hand. But this isn’t you. At least, it didn’t used to be. You were ambitious, and confident, and…happy.”

“Well I’m sorry, but I haven’t been that girl for a long time now,” Ruby said.

Zoe looked Ruby in the eyes. “Don’t you want to be happy?”

“Of course I do,” Ruby said, the pain of Zoe’s words stinging in her chest. “But I’m—”

“Afraid?” Zoe finished. “Because every time you allow yourself to smile or laugh, you feel guilty? Like you’re letting go of the people you have loved and lost?”

Ruby nodded. That was exactly it. “How—”

“Because I feel that way every single day,” Zoe said. “But I’m tired of being sad.” She paused. “It took so long for me to reconnect with Clark and then, once I did…he—” Her voice broke, and she glared at Ruby. “I’m not going to let you make me feel guilty for going places we had gone before, or for laughing, even though he’s not the one who made me laugh.” She shook her head. “That’s it, I can’t handle all the sadness,” Zoe said, putting the meat back in the fridge. “We’re going out to eat.”

“I’m not really in the mood,” Ruby said.

“You’re never in the mood,” Zoe said. “How long has it been since you’ve been to the diner?”

Ruby looked to the ceiling, like she was trying to remember. Except she didn’t need to try. She and Clark had gone there for dinner the night before he left for an agility competition with the dogs. Ruby had morning sickness that left her puking most of the day, but by evening she was always starving. They went to the diner a lot in those days.

“It’s been a while,” Ruby said vaguely. “But home-cooked meals are so much better. Wouldn’t you rather eat in tonight?”

“No, I would not,” Zoe said, grabbing her coat and car keys.

“On second thought, I think I’ll just head home for the night,” Ruby said. She headed for the door feeling worse than when she’d first arrived.

“Oh no you don’t. I’m not sending you home to cry,” Zoe said. She sucked in a deep breath. “I want to feel normal again, Ruby.”

Ruby read between the lines. Zoe couldn’t feel normal because Ruby was dragging her down. It was Ruby who wouldn’t go anywhere or do anything that reminded her of Clark, or her parents. She had lived in her parents’ house, the one she had grown up in, but eventually had to move out when the memories were too overwhelming. Zoe still grieved for Clark, but it hadn’t destroyed her like it had Ruby.

If Zoe managed to move on, though, that would leave Ruby alone in her grief. And that thought was the most depressing one she’d had all night.

“I’ll meet you there,” Ruby finally said.

Zoe laughed. “No, you won’t. If I drive over there without you, you’ll go straight home.” She hung her car keys back up. “Wait right there.”

Ruby sneaked out the front door as soon as Zoe disappeared around the corner, but as Ruby clipped her helmet in place, Zoe pushed her bike through a side gate.

“Thought you’d head out without me?” Zoe said with a teasing smile.

“Uh…it’s kind of a long bike ride. I figured I should get a head start,” Ruby said.

“Except we’re riding together,” Zoe said.

Ruby kicked up her kickstand. “You’d do that for me?” Zoe’s kindness touched her. Most people didn’t understand why she couldn’t drive, or even be a passenger in a car. Ruby couldn’t get in a car without imagining what it must have been like for her parents…those last few seconds before they died. Her mother had always said Ruby felt too much. And her mother had been right. Ruby felt not only her own emotions, but also the emotions she imagined others felt. She felt them as vividly as if they were her own.

“Of course I’ll ride with you,” Zoe said. “You’re my sister, and my best friend.”

“Sister-in-law,” Ruby corrected her.

“It’s all the same to me,” Zoe said. “Besides, it’s a lovely night for a ride.”

Ruby nodded. “Thank you,” she said. Some of the heaviness that weighed her heart down lifted. She stood for a moment, quiet, then jumped on her bike and yelled, “I dare you to keep up!”

“That should be easy,” Zoe called back, laughing, though Ruby was already halfway down the street.

Ruby pumped her legs, feeling the wind whip around her. She loved the feeling of flying, and this was the closest she could get to it. Far too soon, she slid to a stop in front of the diner on the edge of town. Ruby saw Melinda through the window. She was bringing food to Daniel, an old friend of Katie’s from when she’d lived in Colorado. He had moved to Amor shortly after Katie met Sam and had adapted to small-town life quickly. He worked in Town Hall with Sam, and, by all appearances, he felt more at home in Amor than Ruby had these past few years.

“Wow,” Zoe said, stopping beside Ruby. She panted and leaned on the handlebars of her bike. “You’re fast.”

“I’ve had a lot of practice,” Ruby said with a shrug.

Zoe jumped off her bike and leaned it against the diner. She stood, waiting for Ruby, but Ruby stayed frozen on her bike. “You coming?”

Ruby nodded. “Yeah, I just—can I have a minute?”

“Sure. I’ll meet you inside.” Zoe disappeared through the front door.

Was it true? Was Ruby making everyone around her miserable? During the day, when she was with the kids, she managed to forget her unhappiness. But as soon as that ‘closed’ sign flickered on…

“Wait,” Ruby said, jumping off her bike and leaning it next to Zoe’s. She ran and pulled the diner’s front door open. And then she was there, inside.

Melinda glanced up from where she stood at the counter. When she saw the newcomer was Ruby, Melinda paused, notebook in hand. “You’re here. Inside,” she said. A small smile flickered across her lips, like she was happy to see Ruby. That had to be a first.

Ruby avoided Melinda’s curious gaze and hurried down the aisle. She slipped in across from Zoe at a booth on the far end.

Zoe’s eyes lit up. “You made it.”

“It’s just a diner. It’s just food. It’s not inherently cursed, right?” Ruby asked, glancing around like it might be.

“It’s not cursed at all,” Zoe said. “What happened to Clark wasn’t because he ate Melinda’s food.” She paused, then tapped on her chin. “Actually, that would make a lot more sense than a plane crash.” Zoe’s gaze snapped up. “That’s it. There was a coverup because Melinda didn’t want the rest of the town realizing she’d been drugging everyone slowly over the years.”

“Seriously?” Melinda asked, walking up, pencil in hand. “Why don’t you two go off and eat somewhere that you actually like?” The bell over the door jingled and Melinda glanced over. She smoothed her dark hair with one hand and flashed them a smile. “Besides, better company just walked in,” she said. Then she went off to greet whoever had just come in. That was more like the Melinda that Ruby knew.

“Why did I ever come here in the first place?” Ruby asked. “Melinda only treats the male customers nicely. People like…” She looked back to see who had walked in. “Parker.” Ruby whipped back. “This place is cursed. I told you, and you didn’t believe me.”

Zoe watched as Melinda seated Parker in the next booth over. “Who’s the hottie?” she whispered. “How have you not introduced us?”

“You would have had your chance the other night, but you bailed,” Ruby said, folding her arms and staring at Zoe pointedly.

“Oh, so that’s the guy Sam set you up with,” Zoe said, looking more intrigued than made Ruby comfortable. “The one who has amazing abs. Do you think he’d take his shirt off if I spilled my coffee on him?”

“Don’t even joke like that. It’s not funny,” Ruby said, squirming in her seat and picking up her menu.

Instead of looking at her own menu, Zoe stood up and walked over to Parker. Ruby grabbed Zoe’s arm as she passed.

“What are you doing?” Ruby whispered. “Sit back down or so help me—”

“Hi. It’s Parker, right?” Zoe asked at the next booth, completely ignoring Ruby.

“You are no longer my best friend,” Ruby whispered. “As of this moment, I’m getting a new one.”

“Yeah,” she heard Parker say. Ruby slouched into her seat, hoping he wouldn’t realize she was there. “Have we met?”

“Not exactly,” Zoe said. “But I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner with me and my friend. It doesn’t seem right to make visitors eat by themselves at the worst diner in town. You might never come back.”

“I heard that!” Melinda yelled from the back.

Parker chuckled. “Sure, I’d love some company. Thank you.”

Ruby’s stomach plummeted and she tried to think of a way out of the situation, but before she could put her master plan into action (which involved diving under the table), Parker appeared at her booth.

“Well, look who it is,” Parker said with a smile. “Couldn’t get enough of me the other night, huh?”

Heat crept into Ruby’s cheeks. She couldn’t let Zoe see how much this guy affected her. “Did we get together the other night?” she asked, tilting her head. “There have been so many guys that have taken me out this week, it’s hard to keep you all straight.”

Parker’s mouth formed a tight line and he glared at Ruby before he dropped into the seat across from her. “How about a reminder?” He pulled his shirt off over his head and threw it at Ruby. It hit her in the face and the scent of his cologne overpowered her.

“I think I remember now,” she choked out.