Chapter 54 The Monster's Face II
"He hates it. Says it is torture. Knowing your body needs something and not being able to give it properly." Lyris tilted her head. "Is that why you killed so many? Because you could not help it?"
"Partially. But I also made choices. Could have fought harder. Stopped myself better. Could have—"
"Could have does not mean anything. You did what you did. Now you are different. That is what matters." Lyris said it simply. Factually. "My father says you are dangerous. That you might kill again. But I think you are just sad. Sad people do not usually kill things. They just hurt quietly."
"You are very strange," mother said.
"I know. My father says that too. But strange is interesting. Normal is boring." Lyris smiled. "Will you tell me about the shadow? About what it was like? Not the killing. The other parts. The being alone. The forgetting. The trying to remember. I want to understand."
And mother did. Talked to this strange eleven-year-old girl who asked questions no one else dared ask. Who listened without judging. Who saw the person instead of the monster.
I watched them. Saw mother relax. Saw her smile. Saw her remember that she was more than her worst moments.
This is what healing looked like. Not grand gestures. Not speeches. Not royal decrees. Just a strange girl asking honest questions and actually listening to the answers.
SERA
Lyris was bizarre. Inappropriate. Absolutely perfect.
She asked about the shadow without fear. Without hatred. Just curiosity and something that might have been compassion.
"Did you miss your family?" she asked.
"I did not remember having a family. But I felt the absence. Like phantom pain. Something missing that should be there." I looked at Nyx. "When she found me, when she said 'mother,' something inside screamed. Recognition without memory. Love without context."
"That is the saddest thing I have ever heard." Lyris was quiet for a moment. "But you remember now. So it is better."
"Better. But not fixed."
"Nothing is ever fixed. My mother died two years ago. I still cry sometimes. Still miss her. Still expect to see her even though I know she is gone." Lyris picked at the grass. "But I also laugh. I also play. I also live. That is what she would want. That is what your family wants. For you to be sad but also happy. Both at the same time."
"You are very wise for eleven."
"I read a lot. Books make you understand people better than talking to them." She stood. "Thank you for answering my questions. And for not being scary even though everyone says you are."
"I am scary. I killed hundreds of people."
"You were scary. Past tense. Present tense you are just sad and trying." Lyris smiled. "That is better than most adults I know."
She skipped away. Left us sitting in the garden.
"She is intense," I said.
"She is the only person in the palace who talks to me without fear. I like her." Nyx stood. "Come. We should get you back before the guards assume you are murdering people in the garden."
"That is not funny."
"It is a little funny. In a dark, horrible way."
We walked back. Slower this time. I noticed more people. More reactions.
A guard tensed when I passed. Hand on his sword. Ready.
A noble pulled her daughter behind her. Protected. Afraid.
A servant dropped a bow. Fumbled to pick it up. Hands shaking.
I was a ghost haunting my own palace. Present but unwanted. Necessary but feared.
"It will get better," Nyx said. "They will adjust. Learn to trust again."
"And if they do not?"
"Then you rule anyway. Queens do not need to be loved. Just respected."
"I wanted to be both."
"You were both. You will be again. Just takes time."
That night Kael found me in our chambers. "Lyra sent word. Arianna was spotted near the border. Killing again. Fifteen more deaths."
"We need to find her. Stop her before—"
"Before she becomes what you were. I know." He sat beside me. "But there is a problem. She is avoiding us. Specifically avoiding you. Like she knows we are hunting. Like she remembers enough to stay hidden."
"Then we track her differently. Not as hunters. As family."
"How?"
"She took the curse for me. That creates a connection. A link." I stood. "I can feel her. Faintly. Like an echo of myself. If I walk her path. Visit where she killed. Touch what she touched. Maybe I can find her."
"That means visiting the sites. Seeing the bodies. Facing what you did."
"I know." My hands shook. "But if it saves her. If it prevents more deaths. I have to try."
"We try. Together." He pulled me close. "But Sera. If tracking her means destroying yourself. If it breaks you worse than the curse did. We stop. Understood?"
"Understood."
We left the next morning. Toward the border. Toward the death. Toward finding someone who wore my curse like I wore my guilt.
The first village was devastated. Twenty people dead. Drained. Aged to nothing.
I touched the ground where she stood. Felt the echo. The hunger. The desperation.
"She was here three days ago. She tried to resist. Begged them to run. They did not listen. Thought she was just a lost woman." I stood. "She remembers more than I did. Knows what she is. Knows what she does. That makes it worse."
"Can you track her?"
"Yes. She went north. Toward the mountains. Toward isolation." I looked at Kael. "She is trying to save people by leaving. But the hunger always finds someone. Always."
"Then we find her first."
We tracked her for two days. Through villages. Through wilderness. Following the trail of bodies and the echo of my own curse.
Finally we found her. In a cave. Alone. Surrounded by animal bones. Trying to survive on beasts instead of people.
"Arianna," I called. "I know you are here. I know you are hungry. I know you are scared."
She appeared at the cave entrance. Black eyes. Hollow cheeks. Starving. "Go away. I do not want to hurt you."
"Then do not. Come with us. Let us help you."
"Help? How do you help this?" She gestured to herself. "I am the monster now. The shadow. The thing that kills everything it touches. There is no help. Only isolation. Only death."
"I survived it. You can too."
"You had people who saved you. I have nothing. No one. I am alone with the hunger and it is winning." She stepped back into the cave. "Go. Before I lose control. Before I drain you both. Go."
"We are not leaving without you."
"Then you are fools." She looked at me. "You know what this is like. The constant hunger. The need. The way it consumes everything else. How do you live with it?"
"I do not. I died with it. You saved me." I stepped closer. "Let me save you. Please."
"There is no saving this. You were lucky. I am not." Her eyes went from black to darker. Hunger rising. "Run. Now. Before I kill you. RUN!"
She lunged. Not at us. Away. Deeper into the cave. Into the darkness. Choosing isolation over risking our lives.
"We need to follow—" I started.
"No. She is right. If we follow, she might kill us. She is unstable. Dangerous. Hungry." Kael pulled me back. "We regroup. Plan. Find another way."
"She is starving herself to death rather than risk killing people. That is not sustainable."
"I know. But rushing in gets us killed. Gets her more guilt. Gets nothing solved." He looked at the cave. "We come back. With blood supplies. With restraints. With a plan to contain her long enough to help."
"What if there is no helping? What if she is right and there is no saving the shadow?"
"Then we tried. That is all we can do." He turned me toward our horses. "But we do not give up. Not on her. Not on anyone who sacrificed for us."
We rode back. Leaving Arianna alone. Starving. Fighting a hunger that could not be won.
And I wondered if I had made a terrible mistake. If letting her take the curse had just transferred my suffering instead of ending it. If saving me had doomed her.
I did not know. But I would find out. And I would fix it. Or die trying.
Because that was what the curse cost. What the shadow demanded. What being saved required.
Someone always paid. Always suffered. Always carried the weight.
And I would not let Arianna carry it alone. Not when she took it to save me.
Not ever. We had won.
And sometimes that was enough.