Chapter 53 The Monster's Face
SERA
For the first time in a week, I went out of my room.
The hallway was overly lit, loud, and full of people who stopped to look. When they saw me approaching, they retreated. When they believed I couldn't hear, they muttered behind their hands.
I heard everything, each word cutting through the noise and light.
Vampire hearing was both a gift and a curse.
"That is her. The Shadow Queen."
"She killed my cousin. Drained him in the eastern village."
"How can the king let her walk free? She murdered hundreds."
"I heard she still has the hunger. That she could snap and kill us all."
Each word was a knife: sharp, accurate, and deserved.
A servant girl froze. She saw me. The tray she was carrying fell; the china shattered.
Her hands were shaking so much that she cut herself on the fragments as she scrambled to pick them up. "Let me assist," I said. dropped to one knee.
"Please," she said, recoiling. Do not harm me, please. I'm a family man.
A daughter. Please—"
"I am not going to hurt you." I picked up the broken pieces. "I am just helping."
"You killed them. All those people. You drained them." Her voice was barely a whisper. "What if you drain me? What if the hunger comes back?"
"It will not. The curse is gone. I am not the shadow anymore."
"You were the shadow. That does not just go away." She finally looked at me. Eyes full of terror. "How do we know you are safe? How do we trust you?"
"You do not. You cannot." I set the broken china on the tray. "All you can do is watch me prove it. Day after day. Choice after choice. Until maybe one day you believe it."
"That could take years."
"Then it takes years."
I helped her clean up. She let me. But kept a distance between us. Ready to run if I made one wrong move. Ready to scream if the hunger showed in my eyes.
I didn't hold it against her. I would have done the same thing.
It became worse when I got to the council room.
Nobles who used to bow now kept their distance. Guards who used to nod respectfully now kept their hands on their weapons. Advisors who used to seek my opinion now avoided eye contact.
I was a monster wearing the queen's face. And they knew it.
"Your Majesty," Lord Ashford said when I entered. Not warm. Clinical. Like addressing a dangerous animal. "We did not expect you to attend council today."
"I am queen. Council is where I belong."
"With respect, Your Majesty, some of us feel uncomfortable with—" He stopped. Choose his words carefully. "With recent events. With what happened during the curse. With the possibility of it returning."
"The curse is gone. I am no threat to any of you."
"You were no threat before either. Until you were." Lady Blackwell spoke. Cold. Precise. "My nephew was one of the three hundred and forty-seven. He was visiting the eastern provinces when you killed him."
"I am sorry for your loss."I apologize, but it won't make him come back.
Sorry does not erase what you did." She stood. "You should have stayed sealed. Stayed in the shadow. At least then we knew where the monster was."
"I am not—"
"You ARE." Her voice rose. "You are exactly what we fear. What we have always feared. A queen with too much power and too little control. You proved it. You killed hundreds. And now you expect us to just accept you back? To pretend it never happened?"
"I expect nothing. But I am still your queen. I still rule this kingdom. And I still make decisions here." I kept my voice level. Calm. "You can hate me. Fear me. Demand my death. But you will respect the crown I wear."
"The crown sits on a monster's head."
"Then it always has. I have always been this. Vampire. Killer. Survivor.
The fact that you are aware of it now is the only difference. I surveyed the space.
At the fear. The anger. The barely restrained violence. "I will not apologize for surviving. For fighting the curse. For coming back. But I will apologize for the deaths. For the pain. For the terror. I am sorry. It will never be enough. But it is all I have."
Silence. Heavy. Hostile.
Then Kael spoke. "The queen has addressed the council. The curse is broken. She is in control. This matter is closed." His voice was ice. Absolute. "Anyone who questions her right to rule questions me. Anyone who threatens her threatens the crown. Is that clear?"
No one argued. Fear of the king outweighed fear of the monster. Barely.
"Good. Council dismissed."
They left. Fast.
Similar to getting out of a predator's den.
I fell into a chair when we were by ourselves. "They hate me."
"They are afraid of you. There is a difference."
"Fear leads to hate. You taught me that."
I gave him a look. "How do I rule when my own people see me as the enemy?" I reigned in the same manner for three hundred years.
Through strength. Through decision. Through making them respect you even if they do not love you." He sat beside me. "This will not be easy. Some will never forgive. Never forget. Never trust."
"Then what is the point? Why come back if everyone wishes I had stayed gone?"
"Because Nyx needs you.
Since I need you. Because even if it is not yet aware of it, the realm needs you. His hand touched mine. "Sera, you are not the monster. You are the one who defeated the monster.
That makes you stronger than any of them."
"I do not feel strong. I feel hollow."
"Then I will be strong enough for both of us. Until you remember how."
NYX
I found my mother in the memorial room. Sitting on the floor. Staring at the names.
"They hate me," she said without looking up. "The court. The servants. The realm. Everyone."
"They are afraid. Hurt. Grieving. That is not the same as hate."
"Feels the same from here." She touched a name. "Elena Frost. Age seven. Her mother was at council today. She looked at me like I was death itself."
"You are death to her. You killed her daughter." I sat beside my mother. "You cannot change that. Cannot fix it. Can only acknowledge it and be different going forward."
"How do you be different when everyone only sees what you were?"
"By showing them what you are. Over and over. Until they see it too." I took her hand. "It took months for the nobles to accept me. I was an impossible child with god-like power. They thought I would destroy them all."
"Did you want to?"
"Sometimes. When they were particularly stupid." I smiled. "But wanting and doing are different. That is what they need to learn about you. You wanted to stop killing. You fought to stop. You just could not. That matters."
"Does it? The dead are still dead."
"Yes. But you are alive. That matters too." I stood. "Come. I want you to meet someone."
"Nyx, I am not in the mood—"
"Trust me. You need this."
I led her through the palace. To the gardens where Lyris was waiting. Reading under a tree. She looked up when she heard us. Smiled.
"Your Majesty! Princess Nyx said you would visit today!" She bounced up. All energy and enthusiasm. "I have been wanting to meet you! I have so many questions!"
Mother blinked. "You have questions. For me."
"Yes! So many! Like what did it feel like? Being the shadow?
Was it frightening? Were you aware of what you were doing? Did you see yourself killing people, or was it just a dream?
Did time feel different? Did—"
"Lyris. Breathe." I laughed. "This is my friend Lyris. She is fascinated by everything and has no sense of appropriate boundaries."
"I have boundaries. I just choose to ignore them when I am curious." Lyris looked at mother without fear. Without judgment. Just genuine interest. "Is it true you drained three hundred and forty-seven people?"
"Lyris!" I hissed.
"What? Everyone says it. I am just asking directly instead of whispering behind her back. That seems more respectful."
Mother stared at her. Then laughed. Actually laughed. "Yes. It is true. Three hundred and forty-seven deaths. All my fault."
"Were you hungry? Is that why?"
"Yes. The curse made me constantly hungry. For life force. For time. For everything living." Mother sat on the grass. "Every time I fed, it was not enough. The hunger always came back."
"That sounds terrible. Like being starving but unable to taste food." Lyris sat beside her
"My brother has a problem that prevents him from being satisfied with food. He keeps eating, but he never feels satisfied.
Is it like that?"
"Yes. Exactly like that."