102- Mourning

102- Mourning
“Father…?”

Between the sound of our deafening sobs a lull took over. My breath hitched when his hand which gave me all in-depth happiness was removed.

"Father, No. Father. Father!" 

We called him again but our words didn't reach his ears. My strength is deprived of me. I lost my ability to react, all I could see was devastation; an agony which is killing me from inside. 

I blinked, trying to deny the reality which my eyes saw.

"Father!" Lucien cried loudly as I remained motionless, a storm came inside me but I couldn't react to it. He cannot leave like this… 

"Arthur!" Mother's voice came from behind.

"Arthur. Arthur. Tell me it's not true!" Mother shouted, letting out roaring cries.

"I am sorry. He is no more." The doctor said,

I closed my eyes as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Roy.." Garnet called me, holding my hand. She sniffed and held her tears back. I looked at her. I didn't react, I didn't move. I just remained silent, losing my cognition to do anything. I spent all my life hating him and now he is no more here, I could feel the mournful feeling sucking my life out of me and breaking me apart but why? Why am I hurt? I shouldn't be.

There was no grief bigger than losing your parents.

1 Week Later:-

Locked away from the world, my everything came to a halt. Eerie silence everywhere which is giving me intense dread.

I wanted to cry out but I couldn't produce any more tears. I want to let out this unbearable feeling but it seems like the pain has buried itself inside me and I cannot take it out.

I am in my room, leaning my back on the bed, closing my eyes, sitting on the ground, hugging my knees close to my chest.

I remained like that for I don't know how long.

Every person was made from soil and became one with it in the end so why do I find it so hard to accept this irrefutable reality?

I heard a knock on my door, I didn't say anything. 

The creaking sound of the door being opened reached my ears. I looked up and saw Garnet entering.

"Leave me alone, Garnet..." I whispered.

"Roy..." She called me, coming close to me. 

She sat beside me and hugged her knees too. A dolorous smile crept upon her lips as she began to say,

"I was also devastated like you when I lost my parents..." She whispered. She put her chin on her knees and looked at me.

"I stopped talking, stopped eating. I just isolate myself from everyone. I know how you felt, it must be intolerable. I know you cannot overcome that pain easily. You can feel it every passing moment but that's life Roy. You have to stand up again with that pain and move forward." She said in a low tone, holding my one hand and kissing it. 

A tear rolled down from our eyes simultaneously, I swallowed the lump in my throat to not cry but it was so hard. 

"Then how did you subdue it?" I asked in a whisper. She sniffed and wiped her tears.

"There's an almost two year old sister of mine waiting for me to return to her and not be lost like my parents. She was there, not wanting to lose me as well and when I saw her, I realized; I have to live and stay strong for her. I put myself together for her sake.” 

She told her reason and her remorse was much worse because their death was one mistake of her jealousy.

“Roy, I kept myself alive for her because at some points of my life, I even tried to kill myself but every time I close my eyes her face came to my mind and saved me from that eternal darkness." She said in a croaked voice. 

As tears rolled down from the corner of her eyes. My lips began to quiver and I asked desperately, "Then for whom will I keep myself together?" 

Her lips were trembling, she was trying not to cry but still tears flowed from her eyes.

"I, alone, is not enough, Roy?" She asked heartbroken. 

My eyes went wide for a second as I remained like that for a while. Her words brought me to reality. Her…

She wiped her tears and continued, "Go and take a look at your mother. You will find your reason to stay strong, Roy." She cried.

I engulfed her in a hug and began to cry out loud. She rubbed my back as I kept on crying. I hugged her and let out my ravage. 

My mind was submerged in the depth of misery. I let out my pain in the form of tears, letting out the pain inside me in those booming sounds of cries echoing in the room. 

"I never knew it would hurt this much." I whispered between my sobs.

"Don't hold yourself back, Roy. It will eat you." She said soothingly, pulling me in her embrace. I thought that the scar on my heart would never heal but she was here to cure it. 

"I just wanted him to pat my head, to say he is proud of me, that I am his pride. That I am his favorite." I cried. I pulled away still crying and began to say between my sobs,

"It's not fair Garnet.. we fulfilled his wish.. but he didn't fulfill ours... I just wanted him to call me... Son... To say that he is proud of me... I want him to pat my head..." Overwhelmed by the feeling of this suffering, I just continued to cry. 

Garnet held my hands with silent tears also flowing from her eyes. To receive solace from this end

less pain and grief, I snuggled to her chest and hid my face, my tears soaked her shirt. She ran her hands in my hairs and whispered sweet nothings to me,

"Shh.. it's okay, Roy.."

"Don't cry.."

"He doesn't want you to be like this." 

She tried to put a halt to my cries. After letting out my distress and pain, my cries finally died down. I wiped my tears and remained like this. She ran her hand in my hair.

"Don't leave me." I whispered, holding her close, while moving to her laps. 

"I won't." She whispered back, we remained like that. I closed my eyes and held her close. Soon, darkness consumed me as I found myself losing in that.