Chapter 22 The Walk

Chapter 22 The Walk
Maybe she’s right. Maybe she’s wrong. Maybe I should tell Axel. Maybe I’m overthinking all of this. I hate the way my mind refuses to let me rest, like it’s determined to keep me in this endless loop of fear and doubt.

I’ve been stuck in a constant cycle of anxiety. I want so desperately to make Cathrine proud and prove to everyone that I can be fit for a Luna, but at the same time, deep down, I don’t think I’m ready for a child. Not yet. Maybe not for a long time.

It comes with so many responsibilities, and right now I don’t see myself as someone capable of carrying all that weight without breaking.

All morning, I’ve tried to distract myself with chores—anything, everything—that could take my mind off the situation I’m in. But, as expected, it’s not working. If anything, the distractions make me more uneasy, because I know that sooner or later Cathrine will want an answer, and what will I tell her?

I have nothing to say. Nothing that feels right.

I really wish she had talked to Axel first. I know exactly what he would say—no—and it would be so much easier for me to turn her down after he makes that decision. But right now, I’m the one on the spot, and I don’t even know where to begin or how to breathe through any of this.

Since the chores weren’t doing anything for my restless mind, I decided to go on a walk—it always helps me clear my head, even if only a little.

Axel is walking behind me as I move through the garden. He’s been hovering around me, just like Cathrine said he would. I guess when it comes to protecting me, he doesn’t do it halfway. A part of me likes it, maybe more than I should, but another part aches because when he’s near, I start feeling things I don’t want to deal with.

"It’s lovely weather, isn’t it?" He asked.

I glanced at him, then forward. "Yes, it is."

"Remind me why we’re here again?" His voice carries amusement. "Feels like I’m just walking with no destination."

"Not all journeys have a destination. Sometimes it’s the road that matters," I said, almost to myself.

He scoffed. "No, seriously. What are we doing here?"

"You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to."

"We both know I do." His tone softens with something close to concern. Stepping closer, keeping his eyes on mine, he asked "Is something bothering you?"

"No."

"What’s bothering you, Nyla?" He pressed further, sounding serious now.

How does he always know?

"Nothing. Nothing is bothering me." I said almost immediately 

He watched me like he was trying to peel back my defense, and I quickly turned away.

He moved beside me again. "You’re not going to tell me, are you?"

"Since when did you start caring? I thought you didn’t like me."

"What made you think I didn’t like you?"

“High school. You were annoying. It was hard to be around you."

"That was high school, Nyla. It was a long time ago and we were kids back then. We’re different now."

"So you like me now?" I asked, folding my arms tightly across my chest.

"Of course I do. You’re my mate, and I think you’re great."

But for some reason, I still can’t bring myself to believe him. He’s still the same Axel of years ago. 

"Whatever," I muttered, continuing forward.

"That sounded like you don’t believe me."

"Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t."

"That’s not an answer," He said.

I shrugged and walked ahead of him.

As I walked past the guards, I noticed how they looked at me quickly, then a strange smile before they turned away. The brown-headed one whispered to the other and then he laughed. 

I don’t know what they are talking about but something tells me it has to do with me. Then, the other whispered, his voice was too audible that I heard what he said. 

"Look at her. How can an omega be the Luna" 

My heart dropped. When they noticed I heard them, they immediately looked away, but their words already hit hard. 

I can’t believe they said that.
But they’re right, aren’t they? I can’t be a Luna. Not someone like me.

"What’s wrong, Nyla?" Axel asked as he caught up again.

"Nothing," I said, turning away too quickly.

He gently grabbed my arm and made me face him, jaw tight. "What happened?" He asked, frustration and concern mixing in his voice.

I wanted to say something, but the truth burned too much. They weren’t wrong. The truth just hurts.

"Nyla, come on. Tell me what’s wrong." He asked again 

"I said it’s nothing!" I snapped, pulling away. When I heard him walking behind me, I added sharply, "Don’t follow me! I want to walk alone."

Of course, he followed anyway. But he stayed quiet, keeping his distance, giving me space while still refusing to leave me completely alone. I felt bad for snapping at him, but I can’t talk. Not right now. I need silence. I need to think.

Everything feels easier when I’m alone… or at least it used to.

After a few minutes, Axel finally pike, his voice calmer, gentler than before. "Nyla… I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but whatever it is, you don’t have to carry it alone. I’m here, okay? Even if you’re angry. Even if you push me away. I’m not going anywhere."

I stopped walking. Something in my chest tightens—painful, but also warm. I’m not sure how that’s possible at the same time.

He stepped closer, slowly, like he was giving me every chance to move away. "You’re stronger than you think," He said softly. "And you’re amazing. Whatever is going on…, if it’s about yesterday, I just want you to know that it’s fine to feel scared but you don’t have to because I’m here, I’ll always be here."

For a moment, I can’t speak. The kindness in his voice almost brings me to my knees.

I looked at him, really looked at him, and the thought slips into me before I can stop it:

I’m lucky to have him.
Maybe more than I should be.

And the scariest part is… a small piece of me is starting to believe that.