Chapter 14

**Megan**

I laugh as Logan tells me what had happened when he met Carl in Spain and how Carl had shaved his eyebrows and made him think they’d slept together. We’ve been here for over an hour, and I’m on my fourth cocktail. I’m not sure how many drinks Logan’s had; I think he’s had a few more than me.

“How did you not know?” I ask as I place my hand on my stomach. It aches from laughing so much.

“Have you ever gone out with Carl? I got ridiculously drunk. I don’t even remember the night. Waking up in a hotel room with other people in bed with me, I don’t know what I did,” he says, and I giggle to myself.

“I’m sorry, I’m still picturing you with no eyebrows,” I say, making me laugh. Logan smirks as he shakes his head at me.

“It wasn’t funny; I had an important meeting two days later,”

“Carl may be annoying, but he’s hilarious,” I say as I finish my drink. “You should have seen him when Ella was born; he kept taking her to the park, and I thought he was doing it to help me sleep. It turns out he was picking up girls,” I state. “Apparently, my daughter is a babe magnet,” I tell him.

“I honestly don’t think he can sink any lower, using a baby to pull,” he says while shaking his head.

“I said that. He said it was a win-win for everyone, I get to sleep, Ella gets to spend time with her favourite uncle, he gets laid, and the girl gets a good time. With that logic, it was hard to argue with him,” I look around, and I see the sign for the toilets. “I need to use the ladies room,” I say and slowly stand up as the room tilts a little. “I’ve had too much to drink,” I say and look at Logan to see him looking at me. “Stop looking at me like that,”

“Like what?” he asks, looking up at me with a small smile. He leans forward and moves his hand up my thigh, pulling me closer to him.

“Like you want to screw me on this table,” I say and move his hand from my thigh.

“That’s because I do,” he says and leans back with his arms outstretched on the back of the seat. His eyes move up and down my body as he bites his bottom lip. “I’m still trying to figure out where your other piercings are,”

“Keep trying,” I tease as I move out of the booth to head to the ladies room.

I button up my high-waisted jeans when I hear some girls talking about Logan. All we’re doing is having drinks and having fun, but I know we’re flirting. It’s bound to happen. As long as we keep it harmless, we’ll be OK. Walking out of the stall, I go to the sink to wash my hands.

“He looks super hot,” one of the girls say.

“There’s a girl with him,” her friend said.

“Ugh, I know, she’s good looking too,” the girl says. I glance at them, and I see them look at me and then realise I’m the girl they’re talking about. I smile a little and move to dry my hands. “Sorry,”

“Don’t be; we’re just friends,” I say and look in the mirror to check my make up. I take my lipgloss out and add a light layer.

“No woman is just friends with a man like that,” one of them says. I shake my head at them.

“Enjoy your night,” I tell them as I walk out.

Walking back to our table, Logan is sitting, texting someone on his phone. I sit down and notice another round of drinks on the table. Logan places his phone down and moves his arm over my shoulders. I feel his hand move down my back to one of the belt loops of my jeans. I frown and feel him lean toward me a little.

“I have something to tell you,” he says in my ear. The feeling of his breath on my neck makes me think of his mouth a lot closer.

“What?” I ask, looking at him. I reach for my new drink and take a sip with the straw as he moves his other hand on my thigh.

“Mark is sitting at the other side of the room glaring at us,” I frown and glance slyly in that direction, and he’s right. “What do you think he’s thinking right now?” he asks. I shrug, “He’s been here since we came in,”

“Has he?” I ask.

“Yeah, right now he thinks I’m whispering something sexual to you,”

“Like what?” I ask as I feel myself become hot. He trails his fingers up my back.

“Like how I want to lick every part of your body and wrap my tongue around that nipple ring of yours,” his hand on my thighs moves up my leg. I lick my lips as I feel my mouth become a little dry. “Or how I want to fuck this tight little pussy of yours until all you can do is scream my name,” if anyone else had said that to me, I’d be a bit disgusted, but it’s Logan, and I can’t help but get turned on by his words. “And that’s just with my tongue,”

“Logan,” I say and move my hand to his shirt. “I think we’ve had too much,” my voice comes out breathy, letting him know just what he does to me. I take a sip of my drink, hoping it will cool my body down.

“Or not enough,” he says as he takes a sip of his drink. “Oh, he’s coming over,”

“You did that on purpose,” I say to him.

“I always turn you on, on purpose,” he says.

“I’m not-” he cuts me off.

“Don’t lie. You’ll make me want to spank you,” he whispers in my ear.

“Promises will get you nowhere,” I say to him, making him chuckle and lean back. His hands move my leg over his. I look to where Mark is to see he’s nearly at our table.

“Does he make you as wet as I do?” Logan asks.

“Behave,” I tell him before taking a sip of my drink.

“That’s a no,” he says, and I can’t help but smile a little, but I try to hide it in my glass as Mark stops in front of our table.

“Hey,” Mark says

“Hey, I didn’t know you were here,” I say.

“Obviously,” he says and glances at Logan before turning his attention back to me. “I thought you were working,”

“I was, Logan, offered to take me for a couple of drinks,” I tell him and feel Logan’s hand move on my leg. Mark notices.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asks.

“I need to take a leak anyway,” Logan says and moves away from me. I don’t miss the slight smirk on his face as he leaves.

“What’s up?” I ask Mark as he sits down next to me.

“Why are you here with him? Is this a date?” he asks.

“Wow, straight to the point, no it’s not a date, it’s just drinks,”

“You’re drunk,”

“No, I’m tipsy; there’s a difference,” I answer him. He looks good tonight, not as good as Logan, but good. He’s wearing jeans and a polo shirt. He looks like an ad for Ralph Lauren. “You look good, by the way,” I then look at the table he came from to see a girl watching us. “Is that your date? She’s pretty,”

“Why are you acting like this?”

“Like what?” I ask.

“Why aren’t you jealous that I’m here with someone else?” he asks.

“Because I don’t own you, we’re not a couple. You’re free to screw whoever you want,” I explain.

“I don’t want to screw anyone else,”

“Ok, then,” I say and pat his leg. “Good for you,”

“You’re not listening,” he says. I frown and look at him. He then presses his lips to mine. I frown and push him away from me. “I only want you,”

“No, not going to happen,” I say, and he glares at me now.

“Let’s go back to mine,”

“No,”

“Megan,”

“I told you what this is between us. Why are you trying to make it something more? If you want more, find someone else,” I tell him, and he glares at me. “I don’t want a relationship,”

“Because of him,” he snaps. I shake my head and look down. “I know he hurt you, and that’s why you won’t let me in,” I sigh.

“I don’t want to deal with this right now,”

“Well, when? You won’t even try with me,” he states. “I get it; because of him, you think love sucks. Do you think being here with him is going to change the way he treated you?” he asks me.

“Mark, just go back to your table. You don’t know what you’re talking about,”

“Don’t I?” he asks. “It’s obvious,” he then sighs and strokes his fingers through my hair and down to my neck along the scar that Jonathon left. “He did this,” he moves his hand over my shoulder to my back, “and these, didn’t he?” he asks.

“No, he didn’t,”

“You don’t need to defend him. It happens all the time with girls when they meet an older man,” he states.

“Oh, really?” Logan asks. I look at him. I’d never even seen him come back. He sits down and glares at Mark. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,”

“Yeah, I do. I can see you have this hold over her,” he states, and Logan smiles, making Mark angrier.

“Do I now?” Logan asks, amusement clear in his eyes.

“Stop it, both of you,” I snap. Mark glares at Logan before looking at me. “Logan does not have some abusive hold on me. He would never hurt me; my scars aren’t from him. They’re from someone else that Logan helped me escape from. Go back to your table Mark,” I then turn to Logan. “And you, wipe that cocky smirk off your face. You’re both acting like children. I’m not a toy,” I fume.

“Then who,” I cut Mark off.

“Go back to your table, or so help me god, I will throat punch you,” I threaten. He sighs, and he looks so defeated. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, well tonight,” I say, noticing that the large clock on the wall says it’s just after 1AM. “We can talk,” I add, and he nods.

“Ok,” he says and gets up to leave. I look at Logan to see him smile a little and then look at me.

“You’re going to break his heart,” he says to me once Mark is out of earshot. “He wants more than what you’re offering,”

“I know,”

“Can’t say I blame him,” he says and sips his drink. I sigh and lean back against the backrest. “Is what he said true?” Logan asks. I look at him to see him watching me. His blue eyes cloud in a storm of guilt. “Have you shut people out because of me?”

“I was shutting people out before you,” I say to him.

“I thought you would have fallen in love with someone else,”

“I have; Ella is my love,”

“That’s not what I’m saying. I did hurt you, you opened yourself to love me, and I took it from you,”

I smile a little and move closer to him, resting my hand on his cheek. I make him look at me.

“You did, but you gave me so much more with Ella,” I tell him. He looks down as he strokes my arm, “Logan,” I say.

“I want to kiss you, and I don’t care who sees,” he cuts in. I don’t have time to think about that as his lips press against mine. This is unlike the last kiss we shared. That one was full of lust and desperation. This is full of so much more; it’s longing, love, passion and heat.

My arms move around his neck as he pulls me closer to him. His tongue caresses over mine, and the taste of whiskey and orange fills my mouth. The butterflies are back and flying up a storm as I feel his tongue piercing glide over my tongue. I moan in the kiss as the thought of his tongue somewhere else floods my mind.

I pull back as I feel myself get more turned on at the feel of his body against mine. His hand moves down my body to my hip as his other stays in my hair.

“We should leave,” I whisper in his ear as he kisses my neck and then my ear, his hot mouth licking and biting at the sensitive part below my ear.

“I want you, Megan, I always fucking want you,” he growls in my ear, making my core clench.

“I want you too,” I admit. It’s not the right thing to do. None of this is. I should push him away, protect myself and my heart, but I can’t. I love him; as much as I don’t want to, I do after all this time.

Pulling away, he downs his drink; I finish mine off and stand up with him. Logan pulls me to him and moves his arm around my shoulders. I place my bag on my shoulder and walk with him towards the bar. The barman hands Logan a piece of paper; I watch as he signs it and then gives the other part back and pockets the other. The barman hands Logan his card, and then we walk out of the bar.

The cold spring air hits me like a ton of bricks. I shiver and curse myself for not coming out with a jacket. Even after three years of living here, I forget it’s not like California; they have very different seasons here. Logan moves his arm from around me and takes his jacket off to wrap it around me. I smile a little and move my arms into the sleeves of his suit jacket.

“We’ll get a taxi, I thought we’d walk, but I don’t want you to freeze,” he says as he moves his arm around my waist.

“No, it’s ok, we can walk; I’ll warm up,” I tell him and move my hand into his. “Unless you’re cold,”

“I’m fine,” I say with a slight smirk and pulls me close to him as we walk towards my home.

“I want to ask you something,” he says.

“Go on,” I say

“Why hasn’t Ella called me dad yet?” he asks, and he looks a little uncomfortable.

“I’m not sure. We call you Daddy to her all the time; we never say your name in front of her. It has only been two weeks; give her time,” I tell him.

“Yeah, I know. Is it sad that I can’t wait to have her call me that,”

“No, I couldn’t wait for the first time she called me mom, granted she said it whenever she wanted food,” I say with a small laugh.

“Did you breastfeed?” he asks.

“Yeah, I could only do it for about eight weeks because she was in an incubator I had to express, and it got really tiring and would hurt, so I had to stop. I think the fact I was hardly sleeping didn’t help,”

“It must have been tough,” he says.

“I guess,“ I say with a shrug and then decide to lighten the mood a little. “You have a tattoo; you never told me what other ones you have,” I say to him.

“Not a lot, one on my back and my shoulder. It goes down my arm,” he says. “Do you plan to get any more?” he asks.

“I’m not sure. I think I want one on my back. Yasmin has a lion on her back, and I want a spine one; I’m just having trouble picking one,”

“Mines a spine one,” he says. I frown and look at him. “Just the solar system, nothing amazing,” he states.

“I never thought you’d get one,” I say, and he chuckles.

“Neither did I. I woke up with one after a night out, one day, and I got it covered,” he says awkwardly. “I liked it and thought I’d get one on my back,” he smirks. “What made you get yours?”

“My mom played the violin. I have Ella’s date of birth on my arm. You’ve not seen it; it’s only small, the birdcage shows strength, and the music notes are generic. I also have a sun and moon on my ankle; Courtney and Yasmin have the same. We added stars when Yasmin joined us,” I explain.

“What do you want on your back?”

“I’m not sure I can’t decide,”

“I can design you one if you want. I designed both of mine,” he tells me.

“Ok, I’ll have to see yours now,” I say, and he looks at me.

“Whenever you want, my body is for your inspection,” he flirts. I shake my head and push him a little.

“You’ve been hanging out with Carl too much,”

“Not true, Carl would have booked a room rather than walk you home,” he states. “If I were more like Carl, we’d be naked with my head between your legs by now,”

“So very confident of yourself,” I state as he opens the door to my building for me. Lionel, the doorman, gives me a slight nod and looks back at the computer monitor.

Logan and I walk through the lobby in silence. The kiss from the bar was heavy on my mind. I shouldn’t have let him kiss me; I shouldn’t have kissed him back. A part of me wants to blame it on the alcohol, but I know better. I wanted him to kiss me. There's only one place this could go, and that’s heartbreak on my side. He’s engaged, and he may say it’s not true, but he hasn’t publicly come forward to say it. His fiance still truly believes they are together. It’s on Logan to come out and cement the truth.

Even if Logan was single, I can’t be with him. I can’t go through that heartbreak again. I know I have Ella, and I’d get through it because of her, but I can’t allow myself to love anyone, not even Logan.

“You think that kiss was a mistake,” Logan says suddenly once we’re in the elevator. I look at him and lean against the mirrored wall.

“Wasn’t it?” I ask.

“I don’t think it was,”

I sigh and look at him as he walks towards me. The look he gives me is one of guilt and regret.

“I don’t know what else to do. I want you in my life,”

“I am in your life,”

“Not how I want you,” he moves his hand to my waist, pulling me towards him. “I want to wake up next to you. You keep telling me we shouldn’t go further, but I know you feel the same as me,” he says, pulling me closer to him.

“Logan,”

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to see you with another guy? To see you and not be able to touch you?” he asks. I look at him, and I see the sadness in his blue eyes.

“Probably the same as hearing you were engaged,” I answer back. I’ll admit I’m saying it to put distance between us, not that it works when all he does is shake his head and lean closer to me.

“Maybe,” is all he says before he presses his lips to mine. I pull away as the elevator door dings onto my floor.

“Megan,” Logan says as he follows me. I ignore him and unlock my door. As I do, I feel his body press into my back. His hands move around my waist as he kisses my neck.

“Logan, this-” I start. He turns me and pins me to my door.

“Don’t say it,” he says, and his lips smash against mine. My body defies my brain. Instead of pushing him away from me, I pull him closer. His hands at my waist hold my body against his, and I feel every part of him.

Pushing my front door open, I pull him inside. Maybe we can just have sex. It doesn’t have to mean anything like with Daniel and Mark. Just sex, nothing more. If I think of it like that, no one will get hurt.

Logan lifts me up. Wrapping my legs around his waist, he carries me through the foyer to the kitchen. A moan escapes me when I feel his hardness press against my core through my jeans and his. He nibbles my bottom lip before moving his kisses down my neck. I feel his tongue on my neck, and the heat of his piecing making me shiver, and my panties become wet.

Pushing Logan away, I get to work on undoing his belt buckle. Logan moves his hands to my thighs and nuzzles his nose with mine. I smile a little.

“We should go to your room,” he states as he lightly kisses my jaw and down my neck.

“Mommy,” I hear Ella tiredly say, dousing my body in ice-cold shivers. Pushing Logan away from me, I jump from the counter and make my way to where I heard her voice.

“Alexa, turn on the living room lamp,” I call to any number of Alexa’s in the house. The lamp switches on, bathing the room in a golden glow. Looking at Ella, I see her rubbing her eyes, and she has tears in her eyes. I gulp and clear my throat. “What’s wrong, honey?” I ask her, and I feel my bodice is unzipped at the side. I never even felt him unzip it.

“There’s a monster in my room,” she sniffles. I sigh and zip my bodice up.

“Ella, there’s no monster,” I tell her as I pick her up. Logan walks towards us and stands next to us.

“There is mommy,” she tells me and hugs me tightly. I shake my head and look at Logan as I stroke my hand up and down her back.

“Do you want me to check?” Logan asks her. Ella nods shyly.

Holding Ella, I follow Logan to her room. Courtney dressed her in a pink nightie with an elephant stitched onto it. I’m surprised she wasn’t sleeping with Courtney. Courtney tends to put her in her bed if Ella falls asleep while watching TV. I think it helps her know she’s safe. Ella must have fallen asleep while reading in her room or playing. She’s done that before.

Walking into Ella’s room, I see her night light is off, and her duvet is on the floor. Max is sitting at the balcony door, growling, and Salt is in her bed asleep. Logan switches the light on, revealing a book at the side of Ella’s bed wide open. Yep, she fell asleep reading. I smile to myself a little bit and watch Logan open her closet door and look in it. He then looks in her bathroom and under her bed.

“Do you think the monster is hiding anywhere else?” Logan asks her. Ella points to the balcony door; he smiles a little and walks towards it. It’s always locked in here. I keep the key above the door hooked onto her curtain pole. “You know, if there are any monsters out there, just know I’ll have to hurt you a lot for scaring my daughter,” he says as he steps out. I look at Ella to see her watching worriedly.

“It’s ok,” I whisper to her, and she nods a little as she intently watches Logan walk out onto the balcony with a growling Max. I frown a little and follow them out. Max runs around wildly before running back to us and jumping up to whimper at Ella.

“I don’t see any monsters,” Logan says and turns back to us. He holds his arms out to Ella, and she goes to him. “I think Max and I scared them off,” he tells her.

“Promise?” she asks.

“I promise,” he says. She nods and hugs him tightly as Logan carries her back into her room. Max walks back in too. I lock the door and follow them through to the living room.

“Are we having a slumber party?” Ella asks Logan. I sigh and put my head into my hands; this cannot be any more awkward. Logan looks at me as we walk into the living room. “Can he sleep over, mommy?”

“Urm,” I smile a little and look at my daughter to see the hope in her eyes. “I guess we can sleep in here. One of the sofas pulls out to a double bed,” I tell Logan. “Do you want to help daddy set up while I get changed?” I ask Ella.

“Ok, mommy,”

“Don’t you have a guest room?” Logan asks.

“Yeah, but it’s full of junk, all the stuff in there we have to take to charity, we’ve just not had the chance,” I explain to him. “I have some of your old t-shirts if you want to wear one. I’m not sure if they’ll fit,” I tell him.

“That’s fine,” he tells me and strokes Ella’s back. She already looks like she’s going back to sleep.

“Did you have a good time, mommy?” she asks me sleepily. “Auntie Corny said you were doing something fun but would be bad for you,” she says with a yawn.

“Urm,” I look at Logan for some help. He smirks a little.

“Why don’t you show me how to make this bed?” he asks her. I sigh in relief and walk towards my room.

Today has got to be one of the most emotional days I’ve had in a very long time. For the first time in three years, I’m wondering if I’ve made the correct choices. The choices I’ve made for Ella and my heart makes me question if any of them are correct.

When I’d decided to put Ella into 1st grade, my gut told me it was the best thing for her, mostly because she was so excited to learn new things. My brain told me that I should allow her to be a kid first, but once I saw how happy she was after her first week, I thought I’d done the right thing. She’s happy, and that’s what matters. To hear she’s getting bullied made me feel like I’d failed, that I’d made the wrong decision. I know it happens to nearly every kid, but she’s four. Things like that don’t happen to four-year-olds.

I pull my jeans off and unzip the nude bodice I’m wearing as I walk into my wardrobe. Logan is not the right choice. Going for drinks with him was not an intelligent choice. Having more than two wasn’t the best idea, and bringing him back here to have what would have been very hot, passionate scream-worthy sex wasn’t a bright idea either—fun but not a brilliant idea in the grand scheme of things.

Who was I kidding? We can’t have sex. We have a daughter, and he is the man that still holds my heart. It would be me who gets attached and me that gets hurt. Courtney is entirely right, he’s terrible for me, and any relationship with him would be.