CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE — WRETCHED
Tan sat in the chair across the doctor after they shook hands. Based on the doctor’s reaction when she saw him, he believed she knows who he is even before he introduced himself. That realization made him more nervous.
Tan wasn’t able to stop himself even though he wanted to give in to her request to leave her alone and stay away for a while. He still followed her. He was dying of worry, more so when he saw her still shaken up when she turned away from him a while back.
He was tailing her car, and he saw with his own eyes how she recklessly drove her car as if there is no tomorrow.
He cleared his throat when he sat in the doctor’s swivel chair. He had so many questions. He didn’t know where to begin. He had a feeling whatever he chooses, the answer would be painful, nonetheless.
Aside from anxiety, could she be suffering from other disorders he may not know about? If not, after the attack, why would she go to a psychiatric hospital? What is her connection with a professional psychiatrist like Dr. Sandra Jimeno?
“I know why you’re here,” the doctor said. Tan wasn’t sure if she was trying to gauge herself of him.
He cleared his throat once again. “Did my wife suffer that much and I didn’t even notice?”
Sandra let out a deep breath. She knew this was against the ethics code, but Elaine was like a daughter to her. Perhaps telling Tan the truth would help her move on and cope up. The years that passed should be enough for Elaine to face everything, all the pain from the past by herself.
“Elaine has persistent depressive disorder, Mr. De Marco. She was diagnosed three years ago.”
Tan flinched. He tried to clear his throat a couple of times, but he felt the burden in his chest and the block in his throat just wouldn’t go away.
***
September 7, 2017.
Tan’s heart seemed to literally jump out when he heard the sound of a car approaching. Elaine didn’t come home for almost a week. When he returned from the medical mission in Mindanao, he didn’t catch his wife at home.
Her cell phone was turned off for five days. He had to call Drew’s cell phone just to check how she is doing. He called several times in a day, but not once, not even for a minute, did she speak to him.
He thought, his wife is sulking. He was gone for a week, and he didn’t manage to get home early because of the surgeries in the hospital that came one after another. There was a road accident that killed and injured at least thirty people and majority of them was brought to AMM.
He widened his smile when Elaine came through the living room. He approached her and was about to kiss her, but she quickly turned away. He saw her eyes looked away.
“How’s the trip with Drew?” he asked.
No answer. He would continue to put his arm around his wife, but she stepped back and created space between them.
Tan just scratched his head. He thought of what the best approach would be to make her heart soft. “Are you still sulking?” he asked in a sweet voice. “Sorry, babe. There were just too many patients, and I couldn’t leave the hospital…”
He was stunned when Elaine gave him a sharp look. “Why go home? I don’t need you here. You should just live in the hospital, you’re much more useful there.”
That left him open-mouthed. He didn’t expect to hear those words from Elaine. She had always been straightforward and plain-spoken but never had he heard her say anything foul against anybody. Especially to him.
Her stare is getting sharper. He tried to come up with something to say but Elaine has turned and left.
Tan just followed her with his eyes. Elaine didn’t even look back and just went up the stairs. A minute later, he heard the master bedroom door slammed shut.
His wife is still mad. He knew he had to make it up to her for his shortcomings these past weeks. He was consistent though, patient and diligent. He would do everything just to soften his wife’s heart.
He groaned when he felt his stomach rumbling.
“Sir, the table has been set. The last candle on the cake just died. Should I light up another?” the helper asked him in the living room.
That was the sixth candle. All the candles were used up waiting for Elaine to arrive. But compared to the months she patiently endured for him, it was nothing. Not even if he lit up a hundred candles, it still wouldn’t be enough.
Inside the room, Elaine leaned against the huge door. She tightly closed her fists. Her chest was heaving in anger. Her teeth clenched. She wanted to shout, to scold, to punish, to hurt herself.
She felt imprisoned in a small and cramped cage, and she couldn’t find the key to go free.
The thought angered her more. She turned to look at the bed. For a time, she was just looking at it. Eyes were full of hate and, clenching her teeth and her fists, madly she stepped towards the king-size bed.
She strongly took out the newly changed comforter and linens, and with all her strength just threw them at the carpeted floor. If only she was holding a knife or pair of scissors, she wanted to shred and cut them up to pieces.
She wasn’t contented, she returned to the two pillows and together she threw them at the wall. Afterwards, she angrily toppled over the glass table that was in the middle of the room. She didn’t care even if she felt a piece of glass piercing her feet.
To hell with pain, she thought angrily. The shard of glass that punctured the sole of her feet is nothing compared to the pain she is suffering now.
She wanted to scream but no voice would come out of her. She wanted to force herself to cry but not even the tears would cooperate with her and won’t flow. If she could cry, the misery she felt might somehow lessen. Maybe it would diminish the pain, the anger, the fury, the guilt.
She wished to flee but there’s the feeling of being trapped in an isolated place and no one and nowhere would welcome her if she gets free. So where could she go?
Elaine wanted to drain all her energy. She wanted to get tired, get numb, release the anger and resentment though she knew she couldn’t erase them whatever she did.
She took hold of the lampshade and threw it at the big built-in TV screen. The lampshade fell to the floor, but the TV remained whole. That’s what Tan saw when he reached her. He almost flew the two floors of the house when he heard the sound of something breaking in their room.
He was stunned for a while. When she was about to take their wedding frame, he hurriedly went near her. He stopped her hand from breaking anything else.
“Get away from me!” she shouted. She pushed him but Tan barely moved.
In one instant, he was able to sweep her up. She was fighting him to release her. She was punching. Scratching. Saying expletives at him. She was so furious that Tan didn’t know where it is coming from or if it is still all his fault.
Tan just held his wife tighter. He was confused and perplexed but he was more worried for Elaine.
He saw it in her eyes, beneath her actions, there lies hatred for something he might have done to her. His chest tightened. It hurts him to see Elaine that way.
“Let go of me, you animal!”
“You’re bleeding, babe. Please. The shard of glass would go deeper if you won’t stop.”
Elaine’s chest was still heaving, but she was calmer when Tan released his hold on her. He sat her in bed and kneeled before her. There’s a lot of blood on the floor so he knows it’s a big piece she stepped on. He checked her left foot.
He sighed. It felt like it was him who did it to her.
“Does it hurt?”
His wife did not answer. Her eyes were looking at the other side of the room.
“Don’t move yet. I’ll get the medicine kit.” He stood up. He turned when he saw her move from his peripheral vision. She raised her left foot to her lap. She just nonchalantly removed the glass stuck on it. Blood gushed out slowly.
He went right back. “Elaine, what is wrong with you?”
When he was about to get to her to stop the bleeding, Elaine suddenly stood. She threw the shard of glass to the floor and spoke in monotone.
“Your concern is too late, Tan. I don’t need it anymore.” Afterwards, she walked to the bathroom. She wasn’t even evading the scattered glass on her way.
Elaine went in the bathroom and locked herself in. She leaned on the bathroom door. Without removing her clothes, she turned on the shower and positioned herself underneath. She didn’t care if her skin got burned because hot water flowed out from the shower.
The sharp stare quickly went soft. With trembling lips and body, the tears that have been wanting to flow for days started falling.
***
August 30, 2017.
Forcingly but slowly Elaine opened her eyes. She was still very sleepy, but she wanted to wake up already. She felt drunk, although she hasn’t been drinking for several weeks. The surroundings were blurred. She can’t make things out except for the white ceiling and the big monitor that hanged by the wall which she is certain was a tv.
Her throat was dry. She felt weak and her body was like dead weight. Disoriented, she moaned. Where is she? The last thing she remembered was, she went to visit Bettina in the hospital where she is confined.
Until…
Elaine felt fear creeping up her body. She was kidnapped. She remembered the guys who went down their car and forced her to ride with them.
Kidnapped. But why? She doesn’t have enemies. Tan is a good man. Nobody would try to hurt him.
Kidnap for ransom? Tan has a rich family.
No.
She panicked. She remembered what happened a while ago. When one of the abductors covered her mouth and nose, she blacked out.
Who is that guy? Was she drugged? She got scared with that knowledge. Aside from being light-headed, she can’t move her body. Only her brain was working, panicking at the thought that there were bad guys around.
She got even more nervous when she saw a tall guy from the left side of the room emerge. She cannot recognize him as her vision is still blurry.
His back was turned to her. He was talking to someone over the phone. Based on the sound of his voice, she is guessing he is not much older than Tan.
Who was this man? What does he need from her? Why did he do this to her?
“I got what I wanted, Silverio. I did not know you were hiding a beautiful daughter. Consider yourself paid from all your loans and if you need more money for the casino, let my men know.”
She couldn’t believe it. Did she hear correctly? Or did this guy really mention her father’s name?
Casino. Aside from drugs, her father was also addicted to gambling. She was aware of the drugs. She lived for many years with a pusher mother, She knew how a drug user looked and acted.
She tried talking to Silver about his vices, but each attempt was evaded and he gets hot headed.
Elaine tried to hide those things from her mother. She didn’t want to further taint how Bettina saw Silver.
But what did this guy mean? Did Silver sell her own daughter to pay for his vices? The thought brought panic and fear to her chest.
The call ended. The guy took the glass with alcohol from the small table. When he started walking towards her, the anxiety and fear totally kicked in her stomach.
The man surveyed her. She trembled in fear. She prayed very hard for someone to come and rescue her, but she knew no one would come.
Fight him, Elaine. Don’t ever let him touch you. But she can’t order her body to move.
The guy’s face is still unclear to her. What’s clear to her though, is that he’s wearing a white robe and is slowly taking it off while staring at her.