CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE — TRIGGERED, DESPERATE

Present:

Marco was pinned to the ground he was standing while looking at the pair inside the elevator. He heard everything. He was present a few seconds since Tan went in to be with his wife in the elevator.

Elaine’s cell phone has been off for several days so he tried to contact her with the help of Anne. It was him who thought of pranking her to get her out of hiding. He was successful, he just failed on the part that he wasn’t able to save her from whoever hurt her a while ago.

But whoever that son of a bitch was would definitely pay.

Marco blinked when he saw Elaine open her trembling lips.

“I-I need money…” she said softly with a fearful voice. “So, he won’t hurt me. So, he won’t hurt us. It’s my fault. My and Tan’s baby, he can’t hurt our baby…”

Marco closed his fists. His chest tightened when he saw her having a hard time. But when he unintentionally shifted his gaze to Tan, he was able to confirm that Tan was feeling the same way-only much, much more.

Based on the pain he was forcing to hide, that went through his eyes, he knew he was not expecting Elaine’s last statement. There were unshed tears in his eyes as he looked at her—painfully and lovingly at the same time.

“You did nothing wrong. It’s not your fault…” Tan uttered softly yet firmly.

From the look on his face, Marco could tell how much he wanted to hug her, comfort her, hoping he could get rid of her fears. And in hope to share her pain. Just like what he wanted to do as well.

But what right does he have to do that? He was just that someone who fell deeply in love with a broken woman. The jerk who was hoping he could stay with her forever while trying to forget the fact that Elaine is married to another man.

Ever since he witnessed Elaine’s attack outside the bar at Ayala a few months ago, he wanted nothing but to guard and protect her. He hated lying and he was always honest. But surprisingly, it was very easy for him to tell a fib if that was the only way to stay by Elaine’s side.

He was that head over heels. For him, Elaine was a princess. And he was the knight who was willing to save her from distress.

But how will he do that now that he has confirmed that the prince and the princess still loved each other? Does he have to just accept the fact that there is no other role for a knight like him in this story other than to protect her?

Slowly, carefully but with heavy feet, he backed away and turned to leave. Though what his heart would have wanted to do was to move Tan out of the way and embrace Elaine tight.

Elaine was confused while Sandra is watching her. She ran to her doctor after what happened in the elevator. She didn’t know what to do. Tan knew about her many secrets now.

Sandra silently listened to her story in between sobs. In that situation, the doctor knew it was the right thing to do.

Elaine knew, the revelation came to Tan like a bolt out from the blue. She could not dare look him in the eye. She got scared of the emotions she would see in his eyes.

She was expecting to see anger in his eyes. But the way Tan looked at her, she felt it was the Tan who kept trying to understand her even though she kept trying to hurt him before. The Tan who looked at her with the yearning to hug her mistakes and shortcomings before.

“You came back to win his heart over. Do not be scared now that you know he can love you again…”

Elaine blinked her eyes. Sandra knew the reason. No matter how much she wanted to come clean, Her fears and insecurities because of her illness are getting in the way.

“It’s my fault. My husband may not accept me…” And like before, she still cannot bring herself to finish her sentences. Tears are brimming from her eyes. She tried several times to open her mouth. She wanted to say what has to be said. But then, she could feel her tightening chest again.

It kept falling, like a faucet that’s been opened, Elaine cried unceasingly. She could even feel her trembling lips, even more stopping her from saying anything.

Her own fears prevent her from revisiting the past. Just thinking about it, brings great pain and panic to her chest.

She loved her husband so much she’d do everything to win him back, but she was too afraid. She is scared to admit the truth. Who she is. What she is. Why she intentionally pushed him away from her life before. Where she went during the time her husband needed her the most.

She kept hurting him, thinking he would end up hating her. But Tan wasn’t aware, those hurtful and mean words she said were equal to numerous deep stabs of sharp knives in her heart.

Sandra understandingly touched her closed fists on the table and rubbed her back when she saw her lips quivering.

“Three years of self-blame is long enough, Elaine. Set yourself free at start again. What you need is self-compassion, let go of that guilt. It’s high time you stop blaming yourself and take responsibility.”

Tears fell from her eyes. Take responsibility. For the last three years, she didn’t do anything but escape the truth, hide secrets from the person who trusted her and take on the responsibilities and mistakes of others.

She had always been responsible. She was ready to stand by each action, decision, and every move she did before. But she just readily turned away from her responsibility to Tan as his wife.

Elaine knew for a fact that she had left him hanging for so long already. The pain he felt about the things he learned, and instead of facing it, she escaped yet again.

Just like Tan, God knew how much she wanted to build a family with him. But her wish wasn’t destined to be.

She faced the pain of losing a child alone. She couldn’t tell Tan because she thought, she didn’t want to hurt him. But the truth was, she wanted to save herself from the pain she felt.

Tan wanted a child not just because he needed an heir, like what she’d sometimes hear from the in-laws. But because he loved her so much. That aside from her, he didn’t want any other woman to be the mother of his child. But she lost that child. And no one was to blame-but herself.

She didn’t know what to tell him to somehow ease the heaviness Tan had in his chest-although he was trying to hide it. She barely managed to bear the same pain three years ago.

It was hard battling her own darkness alone. But when she thought she was over the hurt, she prepared for her comeback. She started the plan the moment she took back her wedding ring from him. She will be back. She will go back to Tan. She would get her happy ending with him no matter how long it takes.

Elaine thought she was ready to bare her heart to him. Three years is a long time to prepare herself for Tan’s reaction. But it must really be that way, when you know the truth could cause someone pain, you’d be forced not to admit your fault.

She thought it was easy at first. But in the months that passed, she keeps getting slapped by the world. There is no other way to happiness but through revealing the truth.

And one of the many truths that she is hiding is the reason why she wasn’t there for her husband when he got into an accident.

“Don’t force it if you still cannot bring yourself to tell him the truth. But you’ve made Tan wait for so long already. He deserves the answers even if he is not asking for it.”

Elaine’s steps were too slow getting to her parked car outside Sandra’s clinic. She is feeling her combined weariness and hunger. Each step is devoid of energy.

She was about to open the door when someone spoke behind her.

“Let’s talk.”

Elaine’s heart thumped when she recognized the voice. It was Janine.

She felt tensed remembering where she is. What is Janine doing there?

Few minutes later, Elaine found herself sitting in a chair for two in front of the picnic table in the mini park of the hospital.

After a long silence, Janine spoke. “I know why you’re here today, so let’s cut the chase.”

She didn’t want to make it obvious, but her eyes voluntarily rolled with what she just said.

“I know what you came for with that doctor you just saw a while ago.”

Elaine swallowed hard. No. “Are you telling me you’re going to use it against me?” she asked. She forced herself to meet Janine squarely in the eye.

There was no reaction from Janine.

“I sympathize with whatever you are going through, Elaine. But I will not let you use your condition to hurt Tan again. You’ve hurt him more than enough already. When will you be contented?”

Elaine couldn’t answer. She just balled her fists on her lap.

“You don’t know what Tan went through when you chose to leave him before. You have no idea what he’d been through. He refused therapy, he almost gave up on his life, his career. He didn’t listen to anyone, even the people who loved him truly. You broke him pieces to pieces. We had a hard time making him whole again. When you came back, you just made the wound that took so long to heal, bleed again. If you really love him, once and for all, stop being pathetic and selfish. Just leave Tan alone and let him be happy.”

No longer able to take the harsh but true words, Elaine stood up from where she was seated. Janine, with a hardened expression, looked up to face her.

“I don’t know what right you have to speak to me that way. Before we forget, I’m the wife here.”

She thought it would shut Janine up, but she also stood up. She leveled her gaze at her.

“It’s high time you stop thinking about yourself, Elaine. Stop holding on to something you’ve lost a long time ago. You abandoned him when he needed you. You turned your back at him, why don’t you just set him free now?”

Elaine clenched her fist. Why does it hurt so much when you get reprimanded with the truth? Janine was right, she went away when Tan needed her by his side. Regardless of the reason, she still left him. And now, she seems shameless to go back and force herself to him.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she uttered. Trying her very best to hide the pain in her eyes.

Janine carried her handbag. Before she turned her back, she spoke. “I know where you’ve been for the last three years, Elaine. Leave Tan alone. Don’t make me spill the beans or it will hurt more.”