CHAPTER 19

Everybody sits around the bonfire. A deadly silence is overtaking the air. Nate approaches with Michaela in his arms. He places her on a chair and takes his place next to her. The weather is perfect. It’s cold but not beyond what is wanted.

Xavier with the help of Steven serves wine to everyone. Though the dinner was quiet heavy with bacon, lamb, turkey, bread, pasta and god knows what not, a small glass of wine can hardly make anyone sick. Plus it’s Christmas, so why not.

Michaela wonders how long have Xavier and Steven been friends. They are always around each other, helping each other with stuff. In fact they are almost inseparable like those little nursery school girls. It's cute.

Nana raises her glass and says, “ To the one man whose loss cannot be forgotten and who cannot be replaced. Jon. I hope you are in a better place, my child. We love you and miss you. And when our end arrives, I hope you are there to receive us at the edge of the horizon.”

The silence holds itself in place until another person stands to speak and his voice fills the air.

“ Maria, mi amor.” Gilberto speaks in a thick Spanish accent.

“I love you. I miss you. God knows how I’ve spent twenty years without you nothing but grieving. Each flower that blooms reminds me of you, and each flower that falls reminds me of you too. Every song that I listen to begins in your memory and ends in it too. Such was your love, that I’ve lived half my life in nothing but just the memory of it. It wasn’t till I lost you that I understood you were the only thing I ever had. The only thing that makes me proud is to have raised our kids just like you. And the mere glances of you that I see in them makes your absence more tolerable. If I am to die looking at you in the face of our children, I’ll surely die a happy man.”

And then everyone drinks to the mere memory of her.

“To mi amor, Maria.” He says.

Steven raises his glass next.

“To my parents.” He speaks.

“The doctor told me they found me in my mother’s lap as she used her self as a shield to protect and save me from the shocks of the accident. She didn’t give me birth once, but twice and to that I’m thankful. Though I don’t remember them that well, I’m sure they were the most loving, jolly, and awesome people to have existed. And I love them.”

He drinks with the others, as the turn for next person awaits.

Xavier raises his glass.

“ To my little sister Aurelia. The one who never made it. To have taken birth and died is indeed is a luxury that not all of us get to have. I was never in favour of the abortion. And I’ll never be okay with it. The world is a beautiful place Aurelia. And nothing hurts me more that the fact that you never got to see it, and that I never got to see you. I love you.”

Xavier gulps down his drink in one go.

Time passes by. The remaining ones wait for each other to speak. When no-one does, Michaela decided to speak.

“To my mother who at all laps of her life chose her toxicity over her family. As a child I kept looking for the unseen nuances of her as a person. But there were none. I don't know what was wrong with her. And maybe I'll never. But I won't shy away from stating the fact. She could have done a better job. May your site rest in peace.”

Xavier refills everyone's glasses as Michaela finishes.

“To Gloria.”

Audreys's voice is heavy as if she has been weeping.

“ It's been quiet a long time since I've talked about you. I think it's the shame that keeps me from talking. You’ve been my best friend for the longest time possible. Yet I never once had a hint that there was something wrong. Something so big and gruesome that you had to take your own life to get rid of it. And what makes me even more miserable, is the fact that till date I haven’t figured out what was wrong. All that I know is that I don’t want to say love you in the past tense because it hurts my soul. I love you Gloria. Please bless me with your existence in the lives to come.”

Audrey cries awkwardly. Who would have thought that the youngest one of this unstructured family, had so much guilt and hurt buried in her heart.

Michaela limps her way to Audrey and holds her in her arms. She silently cries into her chest.

“ It’s okay. I’m sure you did the best you can. I’m sure she loved you too much Audrey.”

Michaela says, consoling her.

The fire crackles as if tormented by the silence. Calling for the next speaker to stand and unburden his heart.

Nate slowly gets to his feet.

“ To Rose Mary Walsh. I love you.”

Somehow that little words sound more profound than anything Nate has ever said in his life. He loved her. For years he looked up to his father, thinking he was an extension of him. But now he knows. His values, beliefs, patience, everything that he was known for came from his mother. He was nothing if not the heart that rested in the chest of Rose Mary Walsh. The heart that sufficed even in the scarcity of her husband’s love.

Nana looks at Cassy, waiting for her to speak. But she never does. Instead she finishes her glass of wine and beckons Xavier to pour her another drink. Audrey sniffles beside Michaela.

“Cassy?” Nate urges Cassy to speak.

But Cassy was not ready to spill her guts out. Even though it’s been too long. She has a long way to go. She is not there yet. She will be someday, but today’s not it. And so when she shakes her head side to side, emphasizing the above, Nate does not urges her further. She lost too many people that night. Too many loved ones.