The first appointment

The day of my appointment had arrived and with it, my heart was about to break in two. After talking to my friends and getting their support about my pregnancy, I also came to the conclusion that they were right, about how my friendship with Harry was taking a different turn, and I realized how selfish I was being not only with him, but also with Zac. After all, he had every right to know about the baby before anyone else, even if the fear inside me spoke louder, but today I would sort it all out, both with Zac and Harry, and even though it hurt me a lot, I had to remove any hope my friend had in his heart.

As agreed, my best friend picked me up. As soon as I closed the door and walked towards his car, my heart skipped a beat for a few seconds. Harry was standing outside with his arms crossed and the most beautiful smile I had ever seen on his face, making my legs tremble. I smiled at him as soon as I approached, and he pulled me into his arms, squeezing me tightly. I sighed as I felt his scent take hold of me and I enjoyed as much as I could of that moment, which was soon to become rare or perhaps non-existent.

“Are you ready?” his husky voice sends shivers down my spine and I look into his green eyes, which are shining brightly.

“I have to be, don't I?” I say and smile sideways. Harry looks at me a little longer and then opens the car door so that I can get in, after which he turns around and takes his driver's seat.

The drive to the hospital was silent and I wasn't used to being next to him like this, it was so unnerving because we were always laughing and talking about each other. Why did things have to be difficult for me? Why did I only make bad choices? I didn't want to get away from him, I wanted him around all the time because... Shit, my mind was so confused, my heart was confused and it was fucking me up, and I hated that damn feeling of being incapable of doing everything right, of making my choices as well as possible.

Ten minutes later he parks the car, but before we get out he slams on the brakes, making me swallow hard because I knew what was coming next. And no, I wasn't ready for that, it was supposed to be after the appointment, I'd rehearsed the whole thing.

“What's wrong with you?” he asks and I keep my gaze away from his ”Cassy, look at me. Please?” I bit my lip and held back the tears.

“Not now, please?” I say and he touches my chin, turning my face gently towards him.

“Yes, it has to be now. I can't stand another minute of being like this with you!” I look into his eyes and see how distressed he is, just like me.

I take a deep breath and pluck up the courage that had been running away from me since the moment I saw him.

“This is the last time you'll take part in anything to do with the baby,” I start and I feel him take a step back "I know I've been making mistakes with you, I know your feelings for me Harry and I'm being a selfish bitch," I say, trying to be as firm as possible in my words ”You really love me, not just as a friend and it's not reciprocated. I love you, but only as a friend, because I'm with Zac and he's the one I really care about, acting like this with you isn't nice and I don't want you to get your hopes up that I'll be with you one day, if he and I don't work out.” And with every damn word I said, I felt my heart bleed, ache and be split in half. Because I knew deep down that it wasn't true, I knew that everything was changing inside me, and that hurt. But Eleanor and Sophie made me see how wrong I was to mix things up, I couldn't stay with the man in front of me, not when I'm pregnant with his friend and still dating him, I needed to show that only our friendship would remain, but that this friendship would be different from now on.

“Do you think I'm a teenager who's just discovered love, Cassidy?” he asked, his voice distant "Do you really think I'd be fooled by you, knowing the truth, knowing who you're in love with?" his words came out of his mouth sharp and it bothered me “I'm not an idiot Cassy, if I'm doing all this it's not because I'm interested in having something with you, if I'm by your side it's because I know you need it, because above any passion, love or lust I feel for you, I have affection, respect and I'm your fucking friend.” he lays his head on the steering wheel and sighs deeply, when I feel my face heat up I know it's the tears that are coming down my cheeks, I didn't want things between us to stay in that mood.

“I'm sorry Harry, I didn't mean to...” I sniffle and he looks at me with red eyes, Harry was angry and disappointed.

“Who's got your head full of shit?” he says.

“Yesterday I told Els and Sophie about the pregnancy and they asked me who else knew, and then I mentioned your name. They talked to me and what they said makes sense to me, I don't want to hurt you Harry, I can't make you suffer, and they know you as well as I do, and I don't want anything to make you feel bad.” I confess, still crying, and he pulls me into an embrace, I whimper into his chest and feel his lips on the top of my head.

“You know me better than anyone now,” he says and moves a little away from me, placing a kiss on my forehead ”They didn't say that out of spite, they want us both to be okay and not to get hurt and I understand that. But know this, Cassidy, I'm not a child and I know what I'm getting myself into. So don't worry about me, I know how to deal with everything around me. Don't ever do that again, I won't give up on your friendship and being close to you.” he says and my heart calms down in the next instant.

“Thank you.” I say and he smiles.

“Now I think we'd better go inside, I'm dying to know how my goddaughter is.” he says and I laugh.

“How can you be so sure it's a girl?” I say, because Harry has been insisting for the past week that his goddaughter would be a beautiful girl.

“I just feel it.” He says, convinced, and so, after clearing up all the doubts that have been troubling me, we head into the building to find out how my pregnancy is going, and I was very anxious about all the news that was to come from now on.

*A few minutes later*

I was lying on a stretcher lined with paper towels, the doctor had applied the gel to my belly, and my nerves were kicking in. After all, I was going to find out how that little baby I was carrying was doing, it was a mixture of feelings that I couldn't even describe, today my life was going to change in some way and I could feel it.

“Cassidy, we're going to check on the fetus now, okay?” the doctor asked and I agreed, Harry was by my side watching everything. I was slightly startled when the ultrasound machine touched my belly, I looked at the screen the next moment “Here's your baby, and it's moving a lot” he said looking at the screen “You can't feel anything yet, but you will soon. He's well-formed and very healthy,” he made some notes, paused the screen and took some pictures, then spoke again "And here's his little heart," and that's when my eyes filled with tears, hearing those beats made me so ecstatic, like nothing I'd ever felt before, it was my baby in there, and he was fine, I smiled looking at Harry when I felt his hand squeeze mine, and he was emotional too, he would be a good godfather for my son, I'm sure I made the right choice.

“When will I be able to find out the sex?” I ask and see that the doctor has finished the ultrasound, and hands me a piece of paper to wipe my belly.

“When I'm 16 weeks along, that is, in the fourth month of pregnancy,” he says and I nod, following him to his desk.

“How far along am I, doctor? I still don't understand much about it,” I say and he smiles at me.

“That's normal, you're a first-time mother, so you still have a lot to learn. But don't be alarmed, it'll come with time,” he says and I feel reassured. "But come on, Cassidy Anderson, you're exactly 8 weeks or two months pregnant." I open my mouth in surprise, because how could I not have noticed this before? How could I not have felt anything before?

“But how?” I ask

“Your body won't always give you signs, some women have too many signs and others too few. I've had patients who only found out they were pregnant when they gave birth,” I open my mouth in surprise ”The human body is full of surprises.

“What does she need to do now, Doctor?” asks Harry.

“I'm going to give you some vitamins and I suggest you start taking them today, some of which you'll take until the end of the pregnancy and even after the birth.” he says looking at me and I nod "I think it would be good if you accompanied her during this process, it's good for the child to feel the presence of the father, all the support is extremely important for the mother and the baby." the doctor says to Harry, and he turns red on the spot, which makes me laugh.

“Oh no!” he laughed awkwardly "I'm just a friend, I'm going to help surprise the father of this baby today, he's my friend too," he said and the doctor smiled too "But I'll give him these tips, doctor," said my friend.

“Of course, well, here's your prescription and a copy of your ultrasound. I've just sent a request to reception and you can stop by and book your next appointment, okay?” he says and we nod.

We left the office and I soon booked the next appointment for my prenatal care, but now the anxiety and nervousness overwhelmed me, because I was going to go home and have a shower and eat, and then I was going to go to Zac, today was the big day and I couldn't hide it from him any longer. Zac needed to know that he was going to be a father and I needed to know if he was going to support me or turn his back on me, even though I was confident, I felt that something was going to move me, I just didn't know exactly what it was, and that... was worrying.