My Monstorous Dark Past

Chapter Seventy Seven

Lord Erik’s POV

I held Bella in my arms after sex, my chest pressed up to her back, my nose buried in her soft hair, relishing in her sweet scent. She traced the scars on my palm. She did it often. In the beginning it had bothered me because it was a part of me I didn’t share with anyone except for Ibash .

“I was nine,” I began then stopped because even with Ibash I’d never discussed what had happened. Words had always seemed lacking to convey our shared horrors. The smell of blood filled my nose as it always did when I remembered that day. Soon the stench of burning fabric and skin joined the metallic tang.

Bella’s fingers on my palm had stilled. “I love you no matter what. I’ve heard of every horror you committed, and I’m still here.”

She was. I could imagine what kinds of stories were whispered in the Hades. and they were all true. And Bella had experienced a small part of our nature when I’d captured her, when I’d cut her. Looking at the faded white scar, I still felt a fucking twinge in my chest. I brushed aside her hair and kissed the nape of her neck. That she found it in her heart to love me despite it all, that she trusted me with our children, it seemed impossible.

“I know what I am. But my father, he was monstrous in a different way. He enjoyed torturing the people he was meant to protect, just as much as he did his enemies, maybe even more. My mother loved and feared him equally, and she allowed him to humiliate and torture her because of it. Allowed him to do the same to us. Love made her weak.”

Bella gave a small shake of her head. “Real love doesn’t make you weak. Love how it’s meant to be makes you stronger. But there’s no room for fear where there’s love.”

I tightened my hold around her. “Don’t you fear me?”

“I used to, but not anymore and never again.”

I rested my forehead against her hair. Very few people didn’t fear me.

My brothers and maybe Nina, and that was what I wanted, what I worked for. “Eventually she hated my father more than she loved him, and she decided to punish him in the only way she thought she could.”

I closed my eyes, remembering that day.

Mother came into my bedroom in her long nightgown, which was straining over her belly. She never brought us to bed or said goodnight, so I tensed when I saw her in the doorway. I’d gotten me and my brothers ready for bed while she lay on the sofa, staring at nothing.

“Erik , my boy, can you come with me?”

I narrowed my eyes. She sounded too caring, too loving. My boy? She sounded like a mother. She smiled and I took a hesitant step forward, more hopeful than suspicious.

“Ibash and Ades are already in my room.”

That convinced me. I followed her toward her bedroom. For a second I considered slipping my hand in hers, but she had never held my hand like that and I was too old now. The moment I stepped inside the bedroom, she threw the door shut and closed us in. My eyes registered Ibash kneeling on the floor, cradling his arm. Everything was red. Rivulets of red trailed down his arms, his wrists gaping open. His eyes locked on mine. He wasn’t making a sound, only crying as he bled. Blood. Everywhere. It clogged my nose.

I frantically looked for Ades and found him motionless on the bed. A cry wedged itself into my throat until I noticed the rise and fall of his chest. Not gone.

Mother stepped in front of me and grabbed my arm. Silver flashed before my eyes and I jerked. My hands and face burned as the blade cut me. I hit and clawed and roared, fighting her off. And then she stopped and the smell of smoke filled the room. The curtains were burning. We’d burn. We’d all burn. Ibash began to hum, rocking back and forth, pale and sweaty.

I rushed toward the window. Outside I heard the shouts of my father’s men. I ripped at the curtains and flames licked at my palms and neck and arms, snatching hungrily at my skin. I screamed as I broke the window. I helped Ibash out then grabbed Ades. and jumped out of the window with him in my arms. Bones broke and I burned all over. Agony, pure and overwhelming. Staring up at the window, I saw our mother’s crying desperate face amidst the smoke and flame.

Crying because I’d taken her revenge from her, because I hadn’t died with my brothers as we were supposed to. I wanted her to burn, wanted her gone from our life. I wanted her dead.

Bella was quiet when I finished. She swallowed.

“How can a mother do that to their children? I’d die for Greta and Nevio. I’d never hurt them. And if you ever hurt them, Erik , I’ll kill you. That’s a promise.”

“I hope you will because if I hurt them, I deserve nothing less than a knife to the fucking heart.”

Bella turned around in my arms, her blue eyes fierce and trusting. “But you won’t ever hurt them. I know you won’t and you protect the people you love.”

I nodded. “I won’t and nobody else will either.” I’d fucking destroy anyone who tried.She traced the scar over my eyebrow. “I know it’s wrong but I wish I could have killed your mother for what she did to you.”

My chest tightened. I didn’t tell her that my mother was still very much alive. I brought Bella’s hand up to my face and kissed her palm then the scar I had created. “I won’t allow you to be dragged down into my darkness.”

I was going to kill my mother one day.One day, Ibash and I would be strong enough to do it. “That’s not your choice alone.”

“I rule over hundreds of men. I can be very convincing if I try.”She smiled a slow, fierce smile. “Believe me, I know. You convinced me to fall in love with my captor. But I can be very stubborn.”

I pulled her closer.

“That’s true. You almost brought me to my knees.” She raised one perfect blond eyebrow. “Almost?”

“You had me lying in my own blood at your feet, isn’t that enough?” I asked in a low voice.

“Don’t do that ever again.”

“I won’t. The next blood I’ll bathe in won’t be my own.”Realization flickered in her eyes. She sighed then kissed me. “You swore not to kill my family.”

“Angel, I swore not to kill them that day. The men in your family are high-ranking Nirvana members. Your uncle is fucking arch Ange warrior . If I want to win this war, I’ll have to kill him, and I will win this fucking war. Because if I don’t, Hades will and that means Jordan and Jemima , you, my brothers... won’t be safe. And I don’t care how many I’ll have to kill to guarantee your fucking safety. I will kill everyone who threatens the people under my protection.” I touched her throat, stroking the soft skin there.

“You can’t have it all. You have to make a choice.”She shook her head. “I made my choice, Erik . I chose you and I’ll choose you over and over again.”

Fuck. I didn’t deserve this woman.