Ch 67

Ch 67
The day after the christening, it began to rain heavily, much to Eden’s dismay. 
With her brief experience as mistress of the house, she wondered what he was going to do with all her guests, on a rainy Saturday, after matins and lunch. 
But her worries proved futile. 
The bishop retired to his room to read his sermons, the older ladies took up their embroidery, telling each other the latest neighborhood gossip, while the younger ones obligingly kept the children occupied and did a thousand favors for Amara, as well as for Leon, Iris and Jasper’s baby. 
The alphas had disappeared.
 Some of them had withdrawn from the bishop's sight to play cards or billiards, while others had gone to visit the stables. 
As for Eden, she sat quietly, sometimes making sure the babies weren't too tired, sometimes simply enjoying the rain drumming on the windows and the crackling fire in the hearth. 
Jasper entered the room, his hair soaking wet, and leaned over to whisper something in Iris’s ear. 
She looked up at him and answered something Eden could read on her lips.
‘I love you too.’
The expression that passed over Jasper’s face, as he furtively stroked his wife's hair before turning on his heels, was overwhelming. 
This small moment of intimacy was a cruel reminder to Eden of what was missing from her own marriage, and was worth all the speeches.
“I'm a coward," she mused, "I have to tell Ian how I feel. I'll talk to him as soon as the guests have left."
Eden got up and quietly left the room, wandering the castle corridors. Eventually, she found her way to a small, secluded salon in a wing that was mostly uninhabited. 
She sat down in an armchair to watch the rain crackle on the windows. 
It was as if the heavens were crying for her, and there was no need for her to shed a single tear.
 Eden felt frozen inside, even though a part of her, the most reasonable, the most stoic -was still trying to pretend that everything was fine and that she had better make do with what she has. 
Ian had never pretended to love her; the alpha was perfectly honest about that, as he was about everything else.
 It was her who had changed, who had fallen in love, and who now demanded the impossible; that Ian love her too. 
With Ivan, Eden had dreamed of a knight on a white steed coming to her rescue. 
The knight had turned out to be a monster, who had bruised her. But then she met a real knight, the very one who had rescued her from the monster. 
Ian had offered her his protection, his title, his body, his name for the child she was carrying, his tenderness. 
And all this was still not enough for her.
“Eden? Here you are at last, I've been looking for you everywhere. But you're freezing. Look at your hands, they're blue with cold.”
And it was Ian again who came looking for her.
“You will catch your death, What are you doing here?”
“I was looking for some peace and quiet before joining our guests," Eden explained, letting her husband's big, strong hands grasp her own and rub them gently.
“Come and warm up.”
“Yes, I'm coming.”
Eden stood up and managed a smile. But the omega withdrew her hands from Ian’s before following him into the corridor.

“There, everyone's gone” Eden waved to the Duke of Avery, whose carriage was disappearing into the fog. 
That was nice.
Talking to all these people had taken her mind off her situation. 
But now they were alone again.
“Very pleasant, but three days in a row is quite enough," remarked Ian. 
He put his arm around his omega's shoulders, but the latter pulled away slightly.
“Is everything all right?”
“Yes, thank you," She lied.
In fact, Eden had hardly slept at all, tossing and turning on her pillow, tortured by her thoughts and the prospect of having to talk to Ian.
“Come into the living room," he said, taking a firm hold of her elbow. 
“Whatever you say, you don't look well, and I need to talk to you.”
“Of course I'm fine” rebuffed Eden.
“Let's see, what's the matter with you?" asked Ian , closing the door on them and leading her in front of the fire. 
“I can see you have a lot on your mind”
“No, probably not," Eden said slowly, unsure of what to hold on to. 
“You see, Ian, I've been thinking and….It hurts too much. I should never have married you.”
“Eden, my angel," said Ian , hugging her. 
“I assure you, you're not in your right mind. You're tired, your nerves haven't recovered from childbirth. You're.”
“And don't call me your angel!”
Eden had her face against Ian’s vest and her arms at his sides. 
The omega angrily kicked him in the shin, but it had no effect, as Ian was wearing high Hungarian boots and she was wearing small indoor sandals. 
Ian held her at arm's length for a moment, hands on her shoulders.
“Stop it, Eden! What's the matter with you? Of course we had to get married, it was the only thing to do, and you know it!”
“But no, it wasn't right, don't you understand?” Eden Looked at him, trying to make him see with his own eyes what she had only just glimpsed.
“I should have left the moment you told me Ivan was dead. Now we're both trapped, and I can't even leave you. The Viscount Hadleigh couldn't divorce, could he? You're chained to me, and I have to do my best to be a good wife and give you sons. I suppose that's the only decent thing to do.”
“It's not proper at all, damn it!”
Ian was losing his temper, too. 
His eyes had become two deep-red rubies and his mouth was twitching violently. 
“And it never was! I didn't want to marry you, that's true. But I had to, and I've learned to live with all the upheaval your unfortunate story has brought into my life. You'll just have to get used to it, too. I got used to it, but it wasn't easy.”
There was bitterness in his words. Ian, her bulwark, her lover, her companion, was finally telling the truth.
“An upheaval?” Eden repeated, her voice cold and flat. 
“Of course it was. You're naturally gallant and protective, even if all this is a great weight for you. I thought I could be happy. I should be, but I can't!”
Eden ran to the door without looking back.
 Ian rushed after her. 
“Where are you going?" he shouted.
“To find my sister. I'm going to Worcester Citadel. Why don't they tell us where her officer's widow's pension is paid?”
Eden desperately needed someone to love, someone who understood her. 
There was a silence, so heavy that Eden stopped dead in her tracks and retraced her steps.
“Ian? Do you know anything?”
“Yes, they've already answered. I wanted to tell you this morning, but I couldn't find a moment to talk to you alone. I'm afraid it's not good news. They have no trace of your sister Selene. It seems her marriage to Mark had no legal existence. After the battle of Vittoria, in which he was killed, she disappeared from army records.”
“But. that's not possible, they must know where she is”
“No, they don't. Eden, listen to me.” Ian took her by the arm, as if to prevent her from retreating. 
Spain is a big country, in chaos, and her husband died two years ago. 
“Maybe she's remarried, settled somewhere else, or …You have to be prepared for it. she could have died too.”
“No, no, I don't want to believe it. Take me to London, Ian, now!”
“Come on, it's pouring, you need a rest, you've just had a baby and there's nothing you can do in London, Eden. I'm terribly sorry. We'll think it over, and make contacts in Spain. I can send someone there to investigate, but not right this minute. You have to understand, it's not reasonable!”
“No, of course I don't.”
Reasonable? Eden was tired of being reasonable, tired of being pragmatic and stoic. 
A solid determination had taken hold of her. Ian didn't like her. 
Perhaps, deep down, he was incapable of doing so. Her parents hadn't set an example, and neither had his twin brother. 
Nor could Ian understand her feelings for Selene and Hannah. 
Eden would find them on her own.
Perhaps, too, if they separated for a while, their feelings for each other would become clearer. 
Maybe Eden would be able to do without love. Of course, she would return to live at the castle; it was her duty to be a good wife , to give her husband an heir, her daughter a home. But for now, Ede  could no longer bear to stay here.
“No, of course not. It's not reasonable," Eden repeated. 
Then she turned and left the room.