Chapter 92

Chapter 92
Caleb’s POV

She’s in my arms, the moment my hands close around her, instinct takes over before anger, before questions, before the part of me that’s waited two years for this and ached every single night. I lift her without thinking, her weight familiar, her body trembling as I pull her onto my lap. She’s naked, but I don’t let myself react to that, not even a flicker. All I register is how cold she is, how her skin shakes against mine like she ran through hell to get here.

I grab the blanket behind me, the one that still smells faintly like her even after two years, and wrap it around her carefully, like if I do it right she won’t disappear. My arms come around her again, firm but not tight, giving her the option to pull away but she doesn’t.

This feels unreal, like something my mind created to punish me, two years without contact, two years of silence so complete I trained myself not to feel her absence because feeling it hurt too much. But again it never worked.

And now she’s here, in my room and on my lap. I feel sober now, the alcohol completely drained out of my system. Her fingers clutch my shirt , and when she looks up at me, my breath stutters.

Her eyes, seem different they’re not empty or lost, they follow me, like the way they used to, this is different.

“Raven,” I say quietly, keeping my voice steady even though my heart is pounding hard enough to hurt. “Do you know where you are?” I ask.

She stares at me for a moment too long, and I can see it happening behind her eyes, something shifting, something tearing open. Then she gasps and folds forward, hiding her face against my chest.

I wrap one arm around her shoulders immediately, my palm pressing into her hair, grounding her. Her breath comes in short, uneven pulls, like she’s fighting something inside herself.

“I was running,” she whispers. “I was so scared.” Her voice trembles, I clutch my fist.

“From who?” I already know even before asking, the bond which I thought would die flares faintly, angry and protective.

“Raphael.” She stiffens when she says the name. “He came home drunk and he...” She chokes, shaking her head. “I don’t want to say it, he wasn’t listening so I managed to get off and then everything started… breaking.” Rage burns hot and fast, but I force it down. This isn’t about me ripping someone apart. At least not right now.

I hold her tighter. “You’re safe,” I tell her, meaning it with every part of myself. “You’re here, no one can touch you.” I want to ask her so many questions but I hold them back.

She pulls back slightly, just enough to look at me again. Her hand slides up under the blanket and presses against my chest, right over my heart. And her touch shoots electricity down my body, I suddenly feel alive, I feel our weak bond intensifying. I hold my breathe and slowly release it.

"I'm sorry Caleb, I'm sorry I left without an explanation, I'm sorry I went quiet all this time." A tear escapes her eyes but I can't bring myself to wipe it off, my hand is trembling so much. I don't know what she's going to say next, because she always leaves me hurting and I don’t want to bring my hopes up. Maybe she's just here for comfort and she'll leave again. I will comfort her because I can't see her hurting. "I couldn't hurt you Caleb, I saw how my lose of memory was hurting you, I couldn't remember you, that's why I left, I needed to be whole to be with you." She explains.

“Is that the reason you left? I thought you chose him,” I admit quietly, saying it hurts, but not saying it hurts worse. “I told myself you stayed with Raphael because you had been bonded, I thought your bond was stronger thats why you went back to him."

Tears spill from her eyes, sliding down her cheeks unchecked."Of course not Caleb, I love you so much and I didn't wish to see you getting hurt because of me. So I chose to leave. Every time I looked at you and couldn’t remember you, it felt like I was hurting you all over again. I felt like you were everything to me but no matter how I searched I couldn't understand why.” She adds.

I close my eyes and press my forehead to hers, breathing her in slowly, grounding both of us.

“You don’t owe me anything Raven,” I say firmly. “Not memories, not explanations, I just wanted you, I love you.” I say, I'm still afraid because if she left me because of memories, she'll do it again.

"I know Caleb but I couldn’t stand it, how couldn’t I remember the person who took me shopping for the first time huh?" She asks her voice cheerful with a hint of smile. Did I hear her right?

"Wait a minute Raven..." My mouth is wide open at the realization.

"The person who bought me my first phone..." she continues, now her face lighting up in a smile.

"OMg, you remember Raven." I ask,

She nods weakly,"I remember everything, Caleb." She confirms, her face becoming teary again. "I'm sorry I took too long Caleb." She sobs, I pull her into my arms.

"It doesn’t matter Raven you are here now, you came back, and you are whole just as you wanted." I say.

“I don’t want to go back,” she whispers.

“You won’t,” I promise, without a second of hesitation. Something steadies in her then, her breathing slows as her shoulders soften against me.

"You didn't move on didn't you." She asks, I chuckle.

"How could I ever when my heart and mind had only you." I say. I want to ask, about Raphael if she was ever intimate with him but I'm afraid of the answer. I brush my thumb gently over her hair, slow and steady, feeling her relax under the touch.

"I didn't either, I never let him touch me, ever." She says as if reading my mind. I feel my body relax, not that I was ever going to punish her if she did, but its a relief.

“You can rest now.” I tell her softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Her fingers curl into my shirt one last time before going slack. And as she finally falls asleep against my chest, I let myself accept the truth I’ve been fighting for two years.

She didn’t leave because she stopped loving me, she left because loving me hurt too much without remembering us.