JUNIPER
I do not know what happened with Hiram and the disciplinary committee, but after that day, he vanished from school. What puzzled me is the fact that I wasn't, even once, called in by the panel for what happened, and they passed the information on, stating he sexually assaulted me. I wanted to know why he would put himself up, but he went mute on me. He didn't send a text, and he never called. It's been five days now, but it feels like an eternity. My heart aches each time I remember him, and I cannot even tell who is worse between him and Cillian. He didn't apologize for humiliating me in class, and he hasn't called to check on me. Nothing.
Worse? My nightmares have returned. I have been staying with Rhea for a while, and my routine has been the same-waking up drenched in sweat and crying the entire day because of Hiram.
"June, you cannot continue like this." Rhea's voice breaks through my thoughts, and I throw the blanket over my head. "We have school on Monday, and you cannot stay here crying over a man who put your life in danger. He humiliated you, June. I know it's heartbreaking, but you have to move on sometime," she says, and I keep quiet.
She grabs the blanket, trying to rip it away from my face, but I cling to it.
"You are losing your mind, June. Come on!" she yells, gripping the blanket harder. "First, you cry about him, and now you keep talking about werewolves. You are losing your mind, June. I think the emotional stress is weighing you down, coupled with the Halloween season that was just last week."
When she says this, I push away the blanket, sitting up.
"I am not crazy, Rhea, and I am going to prove that they exist. This isn't about Hiram. Those things are real, and they keep chasing me, and..."
"Hiram keeps saving you in the dreams," she completes, and I press my lips into a hard line.
"Can you not read the patterns, June? You are overthinking this, and these wolves in particular might just mean the asshole men you have met. You've been through a lot, and Hiram is just the lesser evil."
Her words make a little sense to me, but I do not hold on to them because I know what I have been feeling. There is always this empty pit in my stomach and this glitch feeling in my brain, like a part of my memory, has been erased. I wasn't going to let it go, at least not that easy.
"I am not crazy, Rhea, and I am going to prove it."
"When?" she cuts me short, then she scoffs. "When you end up failing school and rotting in bed because of some man who doesn't give a shit? God, June, you are better than this. Have you seen you? Almost every man who sees you wants you, and you are settling for this."
She is right, but none of them is Hiram. He made me feel good, and deep down, I want him back.
"I will be fine, Rhea, and you do not need to worry about me," I say to her, then I push myself out of bed, but I quickly sit back down, holding my forehead.
"I feel weak," I say, and she rolls her eyes.
"Because you haven't had anything tangible to eat. The last time you ate was yesterday morning, and you took oats. June, oats!"
She is practically yelling, and it makes me feel bad. I feel bad for putting her in this situation, but she just doesn't understand. My gut feeling is never wrong, and every time I feel something is off, it ends up being true.
She walks away, then she returns with a tray of pancakes and milk.
"Please eat, June," she says, and I nod as she places the tray on my lap.
I take a slice of pancake, biting from it and chewing slowly, trying to push away thoughts of Hiram from my mind.
I am probably hung up on him because of all the intimacy; I say to myself as I eat my food. Maybe if I wait it out for a few days, I will get over him. But he didn't cheat. He was loyal to the core. No, June, it is not your fault; I say to myself as I feel my mind about to push the blame onto me.
Soon, I am done with my meal, and Rhea lifts the tray from my lap.
"I am going to let my mum know you are sick, and you won't make it to the bakery today," she says, and I mouth a thank you to her. Then she walks away with the tray while I throw myself onto the bed, shutting my eyes.
I silently pray for my phone to ring with Hiram's name on display, but minutes stretch and it doesn't.
"I am off," Rhea's voice cuts through, and I open my eyes to see her all dressed. "I will try to grab you some food on my way back. Please have enough rest, June, and stop thinking too much about him," she says, and I nod at her, then she leaves.
The moment she leaves, I hear my phone beep, causing me to flick my eyes open. I grab my phone at once, but my hope is dashed when I see it is a message from Troy.
"Rhea says you are sick. Is everything okay?" I read his message with a sigh escaping my lips.
I exhale sharply, biting back the urge to throw my phone across the room. I quickly type back, trying to keep a neutral tone.
"I'm fine. Just need some space."
Everything about my text says something is wrong, but I couldn't care less. I place the phone down, the silence around me suffocating. The emptiness creeps back in, that ache for Hiram that I can't shake. Suddenly, I notice a Google notification about my recent search on werewolves. I stare at it for a while until a thought flickers in my mind.
A library.
It's crazy, but maybe I can find something there. If the internet doesn't have it, then history books might, I say to myself.
I get up quickly, my heart racing as I pull on my jacket and head out the door. I make my way to the nearest library, hoping to find the answers I need.
The library is quiet, with the smell of old books filling the air. I move through the aisles, scanning every book on folklore, creatures, myths. But the deeper I search, the more things don't add up. Shelves are missing books, and some books I find look like pages have been ripped out. The more I dig, the more it feels like someone is hiding something and trying to erase it from history. My heart sinks as I search through every nook and cranny, but there's nothing. No solid information. The only thing I find is a children's book with funny-looking pictures, which solidifies the point that I might be crazy.
I feel the frustration rise in my chest, but I force myself to walk out of the library. As I make my way back to the apartment, Rhea's words begin to swirl in my head, and I start to wonder if I am actually crazy, and there is really no such thing as werewolves.
No, you are not crazy, and werewolves are real, I say to myself. I do not realize I am speaking aloud until I notice I am standing in one spot, and the people around are staring. A feeling of embarrassment shoots through me, causing me to leave at once.
**
Shortly after, I return to Rhea's apartment, hoping to find some kind of comfort on the bed. But as soon as I step inside, I spot my mother sitting in the living room.
"Mum," I call out as our gazes meet, and I remain still on the spot while she stands. She looks better than the last time, and I can tell she is finally moving on from the tragic tale called father's death.
"I talked to Rhea," my mother says.
My blood boils at this revelation, and I feel betrayed because Rhea called her without my consent.
"Why the hell would you talk to her?" I snap, the anger I've been holding back flooding out. "Do you think I can't handle this on my own? I don't need anyone playing therapist."
"June, please calm down," she says, closing the space between us. "I'm just trying to make sure you're okay," she reaches for my hand.
"No, you don't get it," I cut her off, my voice harsh. "You don't understand. I'm not some fragile little girl you can fix."
She sighs, her expression softening. "I know you're upset, but there's something you need to know."
I don't want to hear it, but a knot forms in my stomach, and I can't help but ask. "What is it?"
My mother looks at me, letting out a sigh. "There's something I've been keeping from you. Something important."