Chapter 12 What Am I Fighting For?
<< Vanessa's POV >>
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"I'm sorry, but is that a code for something, or you're just bored and trying to get me arrested?"
"Who knows? But you could call this one a preemptive strike."
"On what?" I asked, sliding in but not buckling up.
Ryker tapped the steering wheel twice and started the car. "On a rehearsal dinner. And, did I forget to mention whose rehearsal dinner it is?"
A slight feeling of unease crept up to my belly as I fastened my seatbelt while asking. "Whose?"
He didn't look at me as he drove out of the garage. "Derek's."
My hand paused mid-air.
Derek?
He was getting married again? So soon? It was barely three days after we got a divorce. Three days.
"You're joking." I breathed, trying to swallow the knot growing in my throat.
"Nope. My dad called a few minutes ago to invite me over for a family dinner on Friday night."
"And you're going?"
"No." He threw a glance at me. "We are going."
"What?" My face twisted in both disbelief and annoyance. "You're seriously dragging me to your family's dinner with Derek there?"
He shrugged. "These things can't be avoided, so why not face him now instead of later?"
"I'm not going."
"Just as I thought."
My brows pressed tight into a thin line. "Just as you thought, what? You expect me to clap and say 'On Friday night is it? Oh great. I'll rock my way in.'?"
"No. I expect you to be calm about this because it's just a family dinner. Moreover, don't you want to get your Ex jealous? Now is the time. With this opportunity, he gets to see you with me and you get to see his reaction and have closure on matters."
I just stared at him. My mouth opened and then closed again. I couldn't form a single word. Just this scratchy feeling under my skin, like I was overheating from the inside out.
Ryker called it just a family dinner. But it wasn't 'just a family dinner' when your ex would be attending too.
What was I supposed to do there? Wave at Derek and tell him congratulations?
I don't need all of the information to know that he was marrying my step-sister. Annie had to be the bride.
I blinked hard and looked out of the window, my fingers gripping the seat. The city blurred past us, and the silence in the car became so thick.
"Vanessa," Ryker called out. " Should I pull over and let you have your moment? You look like you're about to combust."
"I'm fine," I said, my voice barely there.
He didn't say anything else and just continued driving. Like he was giving me space to process my thoughts.
It was so annoying how decent that was. And I hated that he sometimes got it right. Him being right about how this would hit me, just annoyed me further.
The burning sensation around my eyes intensified but I quickly blinked the tears. My chest tightened, as if air had been knocked out of me.
"You could've warned me." My voice came out strained, lower than intended. "You don't just break bad news like that."
"Sorry." He gave a half-smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I'm not trying to mess with your head. But I wouldn't ask you to come along with me if I didn't think you could handle it."
That made me laugh, but it sounded bitter. "So this is a vote of confidence?"
"Barely, but sure." He said.
I leaned back on the seat and crossed my arms around my chest. My fingers twitched like they had nothing better to do anymore.
What was I even fighting for? A soon-to-be married man?
' It's just you in this. No Derek. Let It Go!'
Harsh as it had sounded back then, Ryker's words slowly made sense.
What if I want to stop all this?
It's been messing with my head—Derek, the arrangement with Ryker, and everything about the Hollands—it's been exhausting. What if I just stop?
'You want to give up so soon? He isn't married yet. Anything can happen. There are chances of him seeing you again.' That voice floated into my head, almost rekindling everything that was broken.
I looked at Ryker and we locked gazes. His upper lip curled as that grin crept up to his face again.
Something light brushed against my heart. And then, like a traitor, my chest did that annoying thing. That tiny flutter.
A butterfly?
'I couldn't be attracted to Ryker Holland, right?'
The question kept replaying in my head until I felt a soft tap on my shoulder, pulling me out of my crisis.
Ryker was staring at me. "Are you okay? You look so flushed."
"Yes-Yes, I'm fine." I quickly diverted my attention to the dashboard, trying my best not to look at him. "It has to be the weather. Or something I ate."
He gave me a strange look.
Of course, he didn't buy that but he didn't push it either. "Okay.."
I could barely focus on his words.
A moment of silence followed before he broke it.
"You'll be fine, Lamb." His voice was softer than usual, almost gentle.
But just like a switch, his voice turned stern again. "...Or you won't. But that's life, right?"
Maybe I got it wrong earlier because the real Ryker showed up and whatever stupid butterfly that was in my stomach died instantly.
"Also, the rehearsal dinner and wedding are not happening soon. Anything can happen and Derek might change his mind—which I doubt."
"Yeah."
"Look where we are.." He announced, catching my attention.
I looked outside and realized that we were outside the plaza already.
Without a word, I followed him into the ring store.
Everything went by in a blur for me. My head kept spinning through different scenarios of what the family dinner would look like.
Awkward. Weird. Heart wrenching. Etcetera...
Annie flaunting her engagement ring in my face while I sat across from them, my fork stabbed into a bacon, listening to Derek express sweet little nothings to her.
Somehow, even if it hurt like hell, a part of me wanted to see it.
Friday was just around the corner and it wasn't only for a family dinner. It was also the day Ryker would introduce me as his fiancée to the Hollands.
And all hell would break loose.