Chapter 61: Butterflies - Monet

I look at the bathroom cabinet filled with all my skincare products, and my favorite brand of toothpaste.

While I'm still reeling over his confession, Cole really thought this through. He wants me in his space, there's even a box of tampons. Of course it's the one that I always buy.

He pays attention to what I do. I never even thought that he noticed, but he clearly does judging by the items that he stocked at his dorm.

For me.

I pinch myself, making sure all of this is not a dream.

There's a knock on the bathroom door, and I unlock it, Cole sticking is head inside, and then holding out a towel. "You can finish showering if you'd like, then you can just get dressed at your dorm before we go out?"

Right. Lunch.

"Okay." I take the towel from him, and he's eyes burn on my legs for a moment before he closes the door again. I exhale the breath I didn't even know I was holding.

I have the hots for my brother and he wants me to be his girlfriend. If I agree to it, I can't be thinking of him as my brother anymore. I shouldn't be thinking of him that way when I had his cock choking me last night.

I want a repeat. There's something in the way he's dominating me that has me craving for more.

I shower in record time, putting my dress back on, wondering where the hell my panties are.

Cole is already dressed when I go back to his room, looking nice in a blue button down shirt that accentuates his eyes.

It still feels surreal that he's dressing up to go on a date with me.

I sit on the edge of the bed to put on my socks and boots, my panties still nowhere to be seen.

"Is Luke not back yet?" I ask, confused. Wouldn't he wonder why we would go out without him? How exactly is this whole secret relationship going to work if our lives are so intertwined with Luke's and Amy's? She's literally my first girl friend, and I adore her. Is it fair to her to keep something this monumental from her? What kind of friend does that make me?

The kind I don't want to be.

"No, maybe him and Amy are out somewhere, or maybe he went to the sports center and is chilling with the guys." Cole grabs his keys from the dresser and holds the bedroom door open for me.

I feel like an idiot in yesterday's clothes and no panties, doing the damn walk of shame out of there. Not that anyone thinks it's the walk of shame, everyone still looking at me like I'm the sister. Maybe it's the perfect cover. One that still makes me feel extremely uncomfortable.

The silence is loaded in the truck on our way to my dorm, Cole giving me heated glances every time he doesn't fully have to concentrate on the road.

"I'll try not to be long." I tell him when he finds a parking.

"Take your time, I don't mind waiting." His voice sounds intimate, making me blush.

I repeatedly tell myself that this is Cole, I've known him for the majority of my life, but it's as if another side of him has emerged.

And I'm not mad about it. In fact, it makes me feel giddy, even though I know it's just a matter of time before the shit will hit the fan.

As usual, Chrystal isn't there, but her side of the room looks like a tornado hit it.

I miss Amy now, to throw me an outfit together, but I think I do a good job with high waisted jeans, a crop top and heels, tying my hair in a low bun with minimal make up and jewelry. I look nice without looking like I am trying too hard.

"You look great." Cole's eyes settle on the little bit of skin in-between my jeans and top, like he hasn't seen me naked before.

My ears burn, butterflies swarming in my stomach like they're in the middle of a storm. This feels both familiar and foreign, because it's Cole, but other feelings have been unlocked that I'm not sure I would be able to bottle again.

How am I going to bandage my heart when it gets broken?

We go to the same sushi place we went to the last time, only this time we get a small table at the back that feels more secluded.

Cole's hand brushes against mine on the table, reminding me that we aren't supposed to do this.

"We can't even hold hands in public." I sound sad even to my own ears while looking at our hands. "We are never going to make sense, Cole."

"Look at me." He says softly, but in that tone that tells me to obey him. His eyes are intense when I meet them, determined to fight for what we have. "This is only temporary. We have gone through so many things together, what is two more years?"

Two more years sound like forever when the rug can be pulled from underneath your feet at any time.

"I want to be with you, and I know you want to be with me too." His hand disappears underneath the table, clutching my thigh. "So stop waiting for things to turn sour and just enjoy the now."

He knows me too well.

So do I do this? Dive into this new kind of relationship with him head first, or should I take a step back and analyze?

One thing he is right about, and one thing is certain. I do want him.

More than I should.