Chapter 71 UNDERNEATH

Chapter 71 UNDERNEATH
RACHEL

I walked down the stairs to the kitchen and yanked the fridge door open. The warm yellow light flushed my eyes, followed by the cool air spilling against my face.

I brought out a bottle of cold water and didn't bother shutting the fridge door. I'd already unscrewed the cap and brought it to my lips when my eyes caught the third rack, where a half-empty bottle of wine sat aimlessly.

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath.

Right there, my first thought was to grab the wine and down the whole thing, consequences be damned. It would probably end with me barging into Thane's room afterward, yelling at him or, who knows, even slapping him.

When I was done, I'd probably feel so guilty I'd want to slap myself for slapping him.

I sighed and lowered my head, giving myself a second to reconsider the terrible decision I was about to make.

The second I lifted my eyes again, my hand shot out and grabbed the bottle.

I uncorked it. A hollow pop sounded through the quiet kitchen.

The next thing I knew, I was gulping the wine down, ignoring the way it burned all the way down my throat.

It tasted like berries mixed with something bitter. I didn't care. I wanted to keep drinking.

When my throat finally couldn't take the sting anymore, I lowered the bottle and turned to drop the almost-empty bottle on the counter.

Frustratingly enough, the damn counter reminded me of Thane. Of us… Of the fact that we'd made out somewhere almost identical to this spot before. Back at Jay's place.

“Dammit...” I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut.

I didn't want to think about Jay right now. It was already hard enough trying not to think about Thane when I shouldn't be thinking about him either.

I stared at the bottle again, tempted to finish the rest of it. A frustrated sigh escaped me.

I turned my back against the counter. And someone appeared right in front of me.

“Oh my God!” I jerked backward, freezing as I grabbed the edge of the counter for support. “Jay?” I shrieked.

“Seriously. You freaked me out.” I frowned at him.

“Did I?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“I hate when people sneak up on me like that.” I tried to sound annoyed instead of startled, doing my best to hide the wine behind my back.

Unfortunately, I noticed his eyes flicked toward it before returning to mine.

“I'm sorry,” he said, but his expression shifted. “But I should probably be the one freaking out right now.” His eyes narrowed toward the bottle hidden behind me. “You've been drinking?” He glanced at the clock. “In the middle of the night?”

“I wasn't.” The lie came out way too quickly.

He gave me a flat look. “Then show me what you're hiding.”

“What?”

I pushed the bottle farther behind my back, as if that would somehow make it disappear. Honestly, I had no reason to hide what I was doing. But the fact that I'd already tried to hide it suddenly made me feel like I had to. Especially because I knew exactly how ridiculous it would look if Jay caught me drinking alone in the middle of the night.

Jay stepped closer, trying to get a better look. I instinctively leaned farther back.

And just like that, I embarrassed myself even more. The bottle slipped from my hand and hit the counter, spilling what was left all over my top and across the surface.

“Shit!” I quickly turned and grabbed it, setting it upright.

“Grab the napkin,” I instructed Jay.

Without looking, he reached for something and handed it to me. I didn't look either. I was already wiping the wine off the counter top when I realized what I'd been given.

I stopped. Slowly, I stared at it.

Mum's apron. The one with the unfortunately very white fabric.

“God, Jay.” I rolled my eyes and let out a tired sigh, pulling the apron off the counter and dangling it in front of his face.

“That's my mum's stuff.”

He lifted one shoulder. “I'm sorry. The wine was about to spill onto the floor.” He paused. “Wait.” His expression changed.

“Actually, I shouldn't be apologizing. This wouldn't have happened if you had just...” He shook his head, clearly deciding not to finish that sentence.

Then he studied my face for a second. The annoyance in his expression slowly faded into something more knowing.

Finally, he sighed. “You guys fought, didn't you?”

I lowered my eyes and shook my head. “No.”

He frowned. “So you're down here all by yourself while he's upstairs?”

I shrugged. “Yeah. And it's actually none of your business.”

My lips curved into a cheeky smirk, hoping it would be enough to shut him up. He didn't say anything at first, probably because my voice had come out a little higher than I intended. Still, I kept the act going.

“Was it me?” he finally asked.

I scoffed. “What are you trying to do? Interrogating me or something? I said—”

A loud, embarrassing belch escaped before I could finish. My palm flew over my mouth.

I blinked at Jay, horrified. “I'm... sorry.”

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Why the hell did I just do that? In front of him?

I tried to walk away, but the second I moved, my legs decided to betray me. One of them wobbled beneath me, sending me staggering sideways.

“Whoa!” Jay panicked, his hand shooting forward to catch me around the waist even though I'd already managed to steady myself.

“Let go. I'm fine,” I complained, trying to free myself.

But he didn't. Instead, he helped me back toward the counter, one hand still firmly around my waist.

“Easy.”

“I said I'm fine,” I mumbled again.

Before I could protest further, his hand slipped behind my legs and he lifted me off the ground.

My eyes widened. “Jay!”

He adjusted me in his arms, bringing his face closer. I instinctively leaned my head back.

“You've had too much,” he said.

I blinked at him.

“I think you're tipsy.”

He slowly lowered me onto the counter. My cheeks burned. So did my neck. My throat felt tight, like something had wrapped itself around it, and suddenly the entire kitchen seemed too warm.

“Thank you,” I managed.

“You're welcome.” He gripped the edge of the counter with one hand while the other reached up and brushed a loose strand of hair away from my face.

Our eyes met. I froze. For a second, the entire kitchen went quiet again. He was close. Close enough for me to hear the uneven rhythm of his breathing.

My own heart was thundering. It had to be the alcohol messing with my head. My eyes dropped to the tiny mole near his upper lip.

How had I never noticed that before? Then his eyes… Those eyes that dared to look like… I swallowed hard and shook my head.

“No,” I muttered.

“What?”

“Don't do that, Jay.”

His tongue dragged slowly over his lips. “Do what?” He stared at me again, and somehow that made my chest tighten even more.

I dragged a hand through my hair and sighed. “You can't look at me like that.”

His expression shifted slightly.

“I'm with...” My voice caught. I wiped beneath my lashes. “I still love him.”

Jay nodded slowly, lowering his head. “That's right,” he breathed. “I just wish I could make it stop.”

I didn't know what to say. When he looked back up at me, his eyes searched mine.

“I wish...” His gaze dropped briefly.

My head was pounding. My hand rested uselessly beside me, and my entire body seemed to freeze as his face moved closer.

Why did it feel like I couldn't move? Why wasn't I moving? My brain barely had time to catch up before he closed the remaining space between us.

Something soft and cool touched my lips. I went completely still. For a moment, I couldn't think. With everything that had happened tonight, some part of my mind desperately tried to convince me I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Thane had walked away. He'd pushed me away. And now he'd left me with a broken heart like I was supposed to be the only one fighting for us. For him. Every single time, he'd pushed me away. So maybe… Maybe this was okay. Maybe I deserved to stop fighting for someone who kept making me feel like I was the only person trying to hold us together.

Jay seemed to notice that I wasn't pushing him away. His lips parted against mine, and mine parted slightly in response.

His kiss lingered, tentative at first, as though he was waiting for me to stop him.

I didn't. His hand settled at my waist. And for a few seconds, I let myself forget everything.

But somewhere underneath the alcohol, underneath the anger, underneath all the hurt I'd been carrying since Thane walked out of that room… Something felt wrong. Not because Jay was doing anything wrong. Because it wasn't him I was trying to forget.

It was Thane. My hand slowly lifted toward Jay's shoulder. I can't… The thought came quietly this time. I can't do this.

But before I could pull away…

“FUCK!”

Jay immediately broke away and turned.

My eyes widened. “Thane?”

His name came out barely above a whisper. Thane stood there. He didn't say anything. He didn't even spare Jay a glance. His eyes stayed locked on mine. And the second I saw the look on his face, my heart dropped.