- But...
- But what Crusher? -
- You and her...
- Oh, please! - He said throwing his arms up in the air.
- Do you think if we were together I'd be telling you all this? Yes, I love her... But it's not that kind of love... I just want her to be happy, and it seems that her happiness is with you... -
Daniel watched him and then looked towards the dressing room doors.
- Are you still going to doubt? -
- Are you... are you leaving her? -
- I'll never leave her! I'm not with her like everyone thinks! I'll make it easy for you... Look, you can do what you want, but if you let her go this time you'll make another mistake. If you love her, her dressing room is the last one on the left -
Daniel didn't react.
-One more thing Crusher... If you make her get off the boards I'll break your legs... But if you hurt her again I'll have you killed you hear? -
He turned around and left. He did it, for her, for his daughter. If that's what Deanna needed so badly, so be it! Shit!
He was petrified. Of all the things Reed could have said to him, those were not what he had expected. Could this be Leonard's joke and when he walked into that dressing room it would be empty? He turned his eyes to the last door on the left and began to walk at a slow pace. He hesitated, he was amazed and anxious.
He arrived and there was her name in golden letters. He raised his hand and held back a few seconds before knocking.
- Yes, come in! - He heard her voice and entered.
In front of the mirror, the bouquet of red roses he had sent her anonymously, the lights on and her perfume hanging in the air. Her scent. He inhaled deeply without realizing it.
- I'm coming! Has everyone left? I can't get out of this dress... -
He didn't answer, it was obvious she was waiting for someone else.
- Why don't you answer? -
She came out from behind a curtain, hands behind her back trying to undo the buttons of her wardrobe. The shock of seeing him froze her.
- Congratulations - He said to her.
- Daniel... What...? -
- I was told that it was your dressing room and... -
- Yes... -
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, I... -
I just came to see if you still love me.
- "No... it's no bother... -
God, he looks so good!"
-It was such a great presentation... -
God, that dress!
-Thank you... -The kids left? -
Do you still love me, Daniel?
-They greeted you outside... -
I want to kiss you.
- Huh? Ah, yes! It's true... -
I want to kiss you.
-Yes, well...
Tell me something, Deanna.
-Well... -
Tell me something, please.
- Okay, I'll go then.
It was nice to see you and congratulations on the play... -
No, Deanna, don't let him go now.
- You're leaving with Beverly? -
- No...
- I saw you with her...
How did he explain it to her? Suddenly he felt cornered, the guilt he carried with him had become a dead weight in the pit of his stomach. And she was standing there, head erect, shoulders back, posture straight, accusing him. "'She's going to throw everything you did in your face,' he thought."
-I'm so sorry... - He blurted it out, needing to say it out loud.
Deanna looked at him and the expression in his eyes was unfamiliar to him.
- Don't look at me like that, I don't like it... You're looking at me differently -
- How different? -
- You pierce my soul... -
And that was the hint she needed to drag him back with her gravity.
-You lied to me - She said taking a step in his direction.
-You deceived me - Another step.
-You treated me like a slut -Another.
-And now you come to my dressing room to congratulate me? - She stood in front of him.
He held her so close that his hands wanted to move to touch her, but he restrained them. He could smell her soft, sweet perfume that triggered distant sensations in him; warm memories rife with desire. He still wore her smile impregnated, even if she wasn't giving him one now. He felt so close to her and he felt so helpless, bent and anguished because all that happiness Deanna had given him he would never be able to get it back. In her eyes was materialized all the pain he had caused her. He closed his eyes tightly to hold back the urge to cry.
Without realizing it, as if she were a magnet, he rested his forehead on hers. If Deanna was going to give him the final goodbye, at least he would have the courage to show himself as he felt, without pride. He would bare his heart in front of her one last time to release it all with words and then leave to lock himself back into his shell and let life pass him by.
-I want to touch you. I miss you... You appeared one day in my life out of nowhere to give me back the illusion, the warmth. You saved me by repairing the broken things in me, things you didn't break... You put my pieces back together, you made me love again, believe again that everything was possible... I imagined what our children would be like... You filled me with courage to face my demons and I let them defeat me because you were my biggest fear, losing you was my biggest fear... I was wrong, I damaged your trust. So rooted you were in me that I was disarmed when I didn't have you... And then cowardice won me over and I was wrong again, desperate, Deanna, desperate not to feel empty again with your absence... You left and I was left with nothing. And this feeling settled in me, this cold... I wish I could go back to when you loved me... I don't want anything but you. You are so beautiful... you are so beautiful and up there you shine with all your light. My children love you. My father and my sister love you... I love you... -
A choking sound made him open his eyes again. Her face was a mess, tears were streaming down her cheeks, her mouth was trembling, her eyes wet and red. Again he had made her cry, but this time his hands dared to touch her, holding her face and trying to wipe away the tears.
-I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Deanna. Please don't cry... -
He had hurt her again. He could no longer contain his own anguish. Without releasing her he leaned his forehead against her again. He had always felt useless when he saw her cry, for she released all the pain and grief in the form of sobs and whimpers that choked her and he despaired. His own cheeks had become soaked when he felt the small hands grabbing him by the arms of his coat.
He pulled away a few inches searching her face and found a smile barely peeking out, trembling.
-I love you," Deanna told him, her voice breaking.
Determined as always, daring as only she was and full of the sensations Daniel created inside her, she stood on her tiptoes and closed the space between their mouths. She barely rested her lips, but he could feel the softness again, the warmth of that mouth wet with salty tears and his eyes opened huge, surprised.
He had knocked on her door in fear, believing Deanna would reproach him for all the pain, he thought it best to offer her one last apology, that he had brought her to tears with his words. But she was not crying from grief, but from pure joy. He still loved her and with the same intensity, his attempt to bare his soul to her could only mean that: he still carried her with him.
His only reaction was to hug her so tightly that he hoped to hold her with him so that she would never leave again. The tentative and tender kiss was not enough for her, feeling again that body attached to hers, the strength of his hands on her back and that scent he always had started to throw little tingles. She loved him with her soul, but also with her body, isn't that how you're supposed to love: with everything?
Her mouth began to insist on him, she had missed the power of his kisses so much and wanted to remember them, to live them again. Her feet lifted her higher off the floor, her hands gripped tighter, her throat opened to let out those sounds that blew his mind. More daring, more furtive, more Deanna. Without asking permission, because she never did, she invaded his mouth with her tongue and he let himself be carried away again by that little shame.