Chapter Eight

Jace:

Her alarm wakes me the next morning, but she doesn’t stir at all. Even now, after hours of sleep, she has faint bruising under her eyes. I wish I could let her stay asleep, but I don’t know enough about the routine to let her sleep in.

I briefly consider waking her in an imaginative and inventive way, but I doubt there’s time for that. It’s five a.m., and I imagine she’s pushed out the time she can sleep as far as possible already.

I stretch across her to turn off the alarm before putting my hand on her shoulder and gently shaking. “Alexis?”

Her eyes blink open a moment later, and she groans before they close again. I shake her once were. “It’s time to wake up, sweetie.” The endearment falls off my tongue before I can even think about it. I’m not one to use sweet terms, so sweetie feels different and special. Just for Alexis.

With another groan, she opens her eyes and slowly stretches. I move back so she can do so, getting myself out of bed while giving her a moment to compose herself. “I’ll get dressed and then help you with morning preparations, okay?”

I wait another minute to ensure she’s fully awake before leaving her room. I double-time it from her area of the B&B to the stairs to my lodging. I take a quick shower, certain there are a lot of things to be done before the breakfast room opens at six.

I can’t deny how invigorated I feel. Spending the night with Alexis was amazing, and I have zero regrets doing so. I don’t know where things are going to lead, and while my intention is still to maintain a casual relationship that ends when my time here is over, a pang shoots through me at the idea of just walking away from her.

For a moment, I consider crazy idea that maybe I’m falling in love for Alexis. After a second, I laugh and shake my head. I’m not making that mistake, especially since I don’t believe in love. It’s just the newness of the relationship, and the utter perfection of our sexual compatibility that’s leaving meu feeling like this. There’s nothing wrong with it, and there’s certainly no reason to freak out.

Once I’m dressed, I return to the lower level. I don’t have a keycard to let myself into her space, so I stand outside her door and wait for a few minutes until she appears. She’s clearly had a shower, and her blonde hair frizzes around the ponytail holder confining the damp locks. Makeup hides most of the ravages of her recent lack of sleep, so she looks fresh and pretty.

It’s all I can do not to pull her into my arms and kiss her. Instead, I nod at her. “After you.” I make a sweeping gesture with my arm, wanting her to lead me. I don’t know what she needs help with, and I have no problem following her directions.

We enter the kitchen, and she sets me to work making oatmeal. I’ve done it a thousand times before, so it’s not exactly challenging. It gives me too much time to think. I consider bringing up the night before, to get her thoughts and make sure it was as amazing for her as it was for me, but she’s so busy that I opt not to. When I have her full attention, we’ll have that discussion. Right now, she’s clearly not able to spare the focus required at the moment.

Before long, we’re carrying dishes out to the breakfast room, and she seems a little more relaxed. I follow her back into the kitchen, and she leans against the kitchen island. “Is there more to do?” I ask.

She waves a hand. “I might need to refill things here and there, but I can handle it from here. Thank you for your help.”

It feels like a dismissal, and I frown as I lean against the island as well, facing her. “I’m here as long as you are. I offered to help.”

She smiles, but there’s something missing in her expression. “I’m not going to ruin your vacation with hard work. I really appreciate what you’ve done, but you can take off now. I’m fine.”

I want to keep arguing, but it doesn’t seem like there’s any point. Alexis has clearly made up her mind. I can’t tell if she’s trying to be nice to ensure I have time to meet up with my friends, or if there’s more to it. I think about asking her, or bringing up last night, but in the end, I turn chickenshit and decide not to. I’ll have breakfast at the diner nearby and then see if she needs help cleaning rooms.

I head that way after texting Jamie to see if he and Brewster want to join me. I get a text about ten minutes after taking the seat at the diner. It’s terse. “I’m on vacation and sleeping in with my wife. Catch you later.”

I laugh a little, wishing I could sleep in. I’ve been on military time too long to manage it though. Every morning, I’m up by four forty-five, with the exception of this morning. I slept in by fifteen minutes longer, and I probably would’ve slept even past that if Alexis’s alarm hadn’t disturbed us, after the workout we had the night before.

I worry about her, and how hard she’s working. I wonder if she would accept some help by letting me buy a share of the B&B. I have one of the higher-paying grades in the military, and I’ve always been good about investing my money. Uncle Sam sees to my needs pretty well, including room and board, so I’m not hurting for money. I could afford to buy a share, if she’ll let me.

After last night, I should be confident that she will, but I’m not. In fact, maybe last night makes her less likely to accept my help. She might think there are strings attached to it, but there aren’t. Or maybe she’s afraid there aren’t any strings, and she’ll decline for that reason.

I work myself into quite a state as I think about it while having breakfast. I reach no firm conclusions that give me any confidence, but I decide to make the offer the next time I have a chance to speak with her.

First, we need to discuss last night though. I need to make sure it was good for her, though I’m pretty confident it was. I also want to see what her impressions are, and what she’s expecting now.

I care enough about Alexis that I don’t want to hurt her or fail to meet her expectations. It’s definitely different to care about a woman, but even if last night leaves me vulnerable, I find it hard to be concerned or entertain the idea of backtracking to the uncaring state I was in before Alexis.

I return to the B&B about the time breakfast is ending, timing it that way deliberately. I don’t want her to be able to refuse my help, so when I enter the kitchen to find her washing dishes, I go straight over to help her load the industrial-sized dishwasher.

She is looking tired again, but I don’t comment on it. I’ve already said my piece, but I’ll do my best to direct her toward solutions that won’t leave her so exhausted. “How did breakfast service go?”

She puts a plate in the dishwasher before answering. “Routine. How was your breakfast?”

“I went to the diner.”

She nods. “I figured you might have. Is it as you remember?”

I grin. “It’s still greasy as hell, but I think it tasted better.” I grin, having enjoyed the nostalgia of the meal, though maybe not necessarily the taste.

“I agree. Mabel’s son-in-law works the grill now that Artie had a heart attack. The food drastically improved.”

I nod. “Mabel told me about Artie having to retire. It’s a sad thing, but the diner benefits.”

“Mean, but true.” She gives me a small smile, clearly deciding that wins out over scolding me.

I look around, noticing all the dishes are in the dishwasher. “I can help you clean rooms. Where do you keep the cleaning supplies?”

She frowns at me as she closes the door to the dishwasher. “Really, that’s not necessary. I have Barb to help.”

I cross my arms over my chest. “I’m going to help too.”

She looks like she wants to argue for a moment, and then she sighs. “Thanks. You can just follow along with me since there are only two cleaning carts on each floor.”

After finishing in the kitchen, she stops by the reception desk to make sure nobody has made any requests, and no one is waiting. I watch for a moment as she presses some buttons, then she tells me, “All calls will be forwarded to my cell now.”

With that, she leads the way up the stairs, and I hang back a few steps, just to admire the view. She has curves in all the right places, and her heart-shaped ass makes me want to reach out and grab it. Knowing exactly how it feels in my hands makes the temptation stronger, but I somehow resist, recognizing by her posture that she’s in a hurry.

She goes to a closet in the middle of the floor and unlocks it. There are two cleaning trolleys inside, and she rolls out both. She looks at me and says, “Barb will be here in a few minutes. She called to tell me she was running late, so having you available is a big help.” She seems reluctant to acknowledge that though.

I’m a little confused by her aloofness as I follow her into the first room. I stand nearby, waiting for instructions. I don’t realize I’m under mistletoe until I look up. Alexis is coming close, so I pull her into my arms and kiss her. It’s a hot, fiery kiss like yesterday’s, but it feels different. It’s like she’s disconnected somehow, and I find it all too easy to let go of her when she pulls away. I frown down at her. “What’s wrong?”

She blinks, and her expression is too neutral. She’s definitely screening her emotions. “Nothing’s wrong.”

I scowl. “It’s obvious something’s bothering you. That kiss was nice, but it was definitely lacking.”

She gives me a distracted look. “I didn’t really notice. If you wouldn’t mind, the trash cans need to be emptied. If you want to do that, I’ll start on the bathroom.” With those words, she walks away from me.

I want to press for an answer, to find out what’s going on with her, and what she’s thinking. Instead, I do as she asks since I volunteered to help. I empty the trash cans and start stripping the beds, assuming that’s part of the process. When she returns from the bathroom, she gives me a pleased smile and starts putting on the linen. I help her with the fitted sheet and smoothing down the flat sheet. We add the homemade quilt together. “Did you sew this?” I ask.

She laughs. “Not on your life. No, this is from Millie Bentley. She, Joanne, and a couple of the younger girls made the quilts and sold them to me at a reduced rate. They wanted to donate them, but I refuse to let them.” She lowers her voice. “I did let my mom and Annie donate a few though.”

“They’d probably be open to buying in as investors,” I say casually as I smooth the corner on the pillow and stand up fully.

She makes a noncommittal sound, and it seems like she’s rejecting the idea of investors. I brace myself as I say, “I’d like to buy in too. I can afford twenty-thousand right now.”

She stumbles for a moment as she stands up, and then she clears her throat. She looks a little trapped. I could make it easier on her, but I don’t.

“That’s very generous, but I couldn’t possibly take advantage of you that way.” She sounds so damned polite that it feels like she kicked me in the gut.

I grimace at her. “I’m being serious, as an investor. It’s not a f…friendship thing.” I stumble over the word friendship, since it doesn’t seem to adequately describe what we have. I don’t know that we’re actually friends any longer, if we ever were, but we’re obviously more than friends as well. What are we? I don’t know.

She looks like she’s gearing up for a fight, but ultimately, she just sighs. “I’ll give it some thought.”

She might as well scream no at me, but I let it drop. It’s not because it’s not important, but it’s clear she’s still feeling overwhelmed. I don’t want to add to her burdens, so I clean beside her in silence for a while as we work our way through the rooms. We meet Barb in the middle at some point, and then Alexis leads me upstairs, so we can clean the two suites on the third floor.

When we entered the honeymoon suite, even me, a cynic about romance, finds it sweet and charming. There’s a heart-shaped bed with a crushed red velvet comforter, candles everywhere, romantic swag, and a Jacuzzi tub big enough for two. I eye that with interest. “Is this room booked?”

She dashes my hopes when she nods. “Yeah, the people arrive sometime after three. I think they just got married, if I remember correctly.”

It’s clear this room warrants extra attention, because she pulls a bottle of champagne from under the cleaning carts she retrieved we came to this floor. She hands me the empty ice bucket and says, “There’s an ice machine around the corner if you wouldn’t mind getting some?”

I take the bucket and head to an ice machine, my mind alit with images of having her all to myself in that room. I fill the ice bucket, and when I return, she nods toward the table, so I know where to put it. She puts the champagne inside to chill.

She’s already added two flutes on a silver tray, along with a box of chocolates. It’s very sweet, and influenced by the atmosphere, I can’t help going up behind her and putting my arms around her. I pull her against me, taking advantage of the fact that her neck is mostly exposed by her sloppy ponytail to kiss the expanse of skin. She moans and leans back against me as I nibble at the column of her throat. My hands cup her breasts, and I suddenly can’t think of anything else besides having her on that heart-shaped bed.

She’s relaxed and calm until I turn her in my arms. As I start to bend my head to kiss her, she pulls back and puts a hand up between us. I waggle my brows. “Surely, we can afford a few minutes. I mean, we’d just have to change the bed a second time.”

She frowns at me. “Sorry, but I’m not having sex with you in a guestroom that someone else will be using today.”

I guess I can see her point, so I shrug. “Okay, let’s hurry up and finish here, and then we can go back to your room for a while.”

I expect her to tell me there’s too much to do around the B&B, because her withdrawal is obvious. Instead, she licks her lips and then sighs. She seems to be bracing herself, and I do the same, anticipating whatever I’m about to hear isn’t going to be something I’ll like.

“Last night was a mistake, Jace.”

I open my mouth to protest, but I don’t get a chance.

“I’m not saying I regret it, because the sex was amazing, but it was definitely a bad idea. I’m really busy right now, and you’ll be leaving soon. I’m not really the type to have a fling, and we all know you’re certainly not the type to get married. We’re not really compatible with each other, right?” She says it matter-of-factly, but I can’t help detecting a hint of hope in her eyes. She wants me to prove her wrong, but I can’t.

I mull over her words. “I never promised anything.”

Her eyes widened. “Of course not. I didn’t say you did. I didn’t either, but I don’t want to get too involved with you.” She takes down her ponytail, and I wonder if she’s changed her mind about seduction, but she’s just being practical and re-fastening it.

When she’s done, she looks at me with a neutral expression. “I have a tendency to get carried away, and my heart gets involved with this sort of thing. I don’t want to get hurt, so it’s better if we forget all about what happened last night and move on.”

I’m devastated by her words, which shocks me. I don’t get emotionally entangled, but it’s obvious by how I react that I’ve already done so with Alexis. Her words make sense, and the way I’m feeling about her gentle rejection should be enough of a wake-up call to drive home I risk falling for her if I keep going. I should bolt and be grateful she’s the voice of reason.

Instead, I say, “I care about you, Alexis. You’re the only woman about whom I can say that. Last night wasn’t just sex.”

She seems disbelieving for a moment, but then her expression changes. I can’t exactly identify it. Maybe resignation? “It’s nice that you feel something for me, but that’s even more reason that we should end this now. You’re going to end up somewhere else, and I’m chained to the B&B.”

I don’t miss how she phrases that, and I wonder if she’s regretting her decision. I also appreciate that she doesn’t tell me she doubts my ability to continue to care.

I can’t imagine leaving it like this. “It’s just a few more days. We can be a comfort to each other.”

She shakes her head, and she’s clearly made up her mind. “I’m just not wired that way, Jace. Another night like last night, and I risk falling in love with you. I’ve made that mistake before, when I was just a girl. The feelings I had then can’t compare to what they could become now, and I’m not willing to put myself through that. What we shared was amazing, but it’s going to have to stay an anomaly. I can’t repeat it.”

“What if I want more than just sex?” Even as I ask the question, I shock myself.

Her eyes are as big as saucers for a moment, and she looks like she’s about to chuckle. She makes a strangled sound before her voice emerges, sounding normal. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I just don’t envision you settling down with one person. It’s a sweet thought, but I think we both know it’s motivated by arousal and attraction, not any level of true sincerity.”

I grimace as a pang shoots through my chest. “Are you calling me a liar?”

She reaches up to put a hand on my chest. “No, not at all. I’m just saying, I think you’re getting caught up in the moment, and how good the sex was. Maybe it’s like that all the time for you, but it sure isn’t for me. It makes it hard not to want to do it again, so I think you’re letting that influence you. Do you really want to get married and settle down? I want kids someday. Do you?”

The answer springs automatically to my lips. “Fuck, no.” Even as I say it emphatically, I can’t help feeling like I’m reciting the words from rote, rather than actually feeling them. It’s a strange situation because they’ve never sounded hollow to me before.

She looks sad for a moment, and then she steps back, and her hand drops from my chest. “Exactly. So, if you don’t want to hang around and help with cleaning, I totally understand.”

I can’t help scowling at her. “I said I’d help, and I will. Whatever else we are, I’d like to think we’ll always be friends. Friends help each other.”

She smiles at me, but I can’t tell if she believes that or not. “It would be nice if we could be. In that case, do you want to grab the trash?”

I want to grab her, but I don’t say that. I just swallow the words and do as she asks, determined to help her out however I can. Part of me dwells on how I can change her mind, though I’m not sure I should want to.

After I leave her, when she dismisses me from cleaning, I return to my room. I need some advice and there is only woman I know I can discuss this with. I dial her number, and Lisbeth answers on the third ring. She sounds a little breathless. “Am I interrupting something?” I ask.

She clears her throat. “No, of course not.” She doesn’t sound completely honest, but I figure she doesn’t want to talk about it if she’s evading.

Besides, I need her ear if it’s free. “I have a situation here. I need some input from you. Got a minute?”

“Shoot,” says Lisbeth. I can hear her shifting in the background. “Okay, go ahead.”

I lay it out for her, realizing how shallow I sound at various points. Since I need her help to be sort out how I’m feeling, I end with saying, “I’m feeling more for her than I have for anyone ever. I just don’t know what to do. She doesn’t seem to want to believe that.”

“First, let me say that Jamie will have your balls if you hurt his little sister.”

“Yeah, I know.” That’s yet another obstacle between us.

“Now that’s out of the way, it sounds like you need to decide what you really want before you can convince Alexis. If you want to set stay near her and settle down, you need to decide that and make sure it’s coming across as genuine. If you can’t see yourself staying in Sage Valley, you need to be honest with yourself and her about that. If you’re confident about what you want, I think you’ll find Alexis a lot more receptive.”

“Yeah, thanks, Lisbeth.” I hang up a few minutes later, and I lay back on the bed as I stare up at the ceiling. Lisbeth’s words make sense, but they also mean I have to do some deep soul-searching. If I want to have another chance to Alexis, I have to be willing to risk everything.

Can I go all-in, including with my heart, or is it better for me and for Alexis to move along at the end of my stay? I think about it for a long time, but I’m not no closer to having a confident answer when Jamie texts me to join the three of them for lunch.