Chapter 44 The Choice She Never Had
Sloane
"No! No! Please, no!"
My own voice was the only thing I could hear, echoing against the walls of the dark bedroom.
"Sloane!"
I was screaming at the top of my lungs, but in the dream, I couldn't hear myself. In the dream, the air was thick like water, and I was drowning.
"Sloane, wake up!"
A hand touched my shoulder, and I jolted. I sat bolt upright, my chest heaving, gasping for air like I’d just been pulled from the bottom of a pool. My skin was clammy with cold sweat, and for a second, I didn't know where I was. I was still yelling, the words "Not me! Not me!" tearing at my throat.
I reached out with a trembling hand and fumbled for the lamp on my bedside table. I hit the switch, and the sudden yellow light burned my eyes. I squinted, blinking through the blur, until I saw him.
Cade was sitting at the side of my bed, his face twisted with worry. He was leaning toward me, his hand still hovering in the air where he had touched my shoulder to wake me.
"Are you okay?" he whispered. His voice was low and steady, trying to anchor me. "You were screaming. You must have had a nightmare."
I didn't answer right away. I couldn't. I dragged my palms across my face, trying to wipe away the lingering image of the dark. My breath was coming in short, jagged bursts.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, hugging them tight.
"It felt so real," I finally admitted, my voice shaking. "It was like... like I couldn't move. Like I was paralyzed. It felt like someone had already decided I was done for and there was nothing I could do to change it."
Cade watched me closely. He didn't move, giving me the space I needed to breathe. "Who was it?" he asked.
I went quiet. I stared at the patterns on my duvet, the silence in the room feeling heavy and suffocating. I thought about the shadow in the dream, the one that had no face but felt like a mountain of ice.
"It was your father," I said.
Cade didn't look shocked. He didn't try to defend him. Instead, a look of quiet acceptance crossed his face, followed by a wave of deep empathy. He looked like he wanted to say he was sorry, but he knew the word wasn't big enough to cover the damage.
As my eyes adjusted to the light, I noticed the state he was in.
His hair was damp and messy, and water was still dripping down the back of his neck. He was only wearing a pair of dark athletic shorts. I could believe he’d run straight from the shower when he heard me; that he’d rushed in just to make sure I was still alive.
"I get it," Cade said softly. "Especially now. When you suspect he might be responsible for what happened to your grandmother, it’s hard not to think about him."
I shook my head, cutting him off before he could finish.
"It’s not about her," I snapped. My voice was sharper than I intended, but the adrenaline was still humming in my veins. "I wasn't thinking of her. In the dream... I was thinking about you."
Cade blinked, looking confused. "What do you mean?"
I looked at him, and the fear from the dream started to turn into a hot, burning frustration. "You left me," I said, the words tumbling out. "Six years ago, you just walked away. You didn't even give me a chance to stay. You sat in that apartment and decided my whole life for me without asking what I wanted."
Cade’s face slowly tightened. "Sloane, I told you. I didn't want to hurt you.."
"Yet you did!", I yelled and slammed my fists onto the sides of the mattress, the sound muffled by the heavy fabric.
I stood up, the blanket falling to the floor. I felt a need to let out the years of built-up pressure.
"You hurt me more than he ever could have! You thought you knew what I wanted, but you didn't. You didn't know!"
Cade stood up slowly, "Sloane, stop.” his voice rising just enough to match mine. He stepped around the bed to meet me on the other side. “My father was going to ruin your grandmother. He was going to take everything she worked for and burn it to the ground. Is that what you would have wanted? To watch her lose her legacy because of us?"
I looked at him, my vision blurring with tears I refused to let fall. My heart was racing so fast it felt like it was going to burst through my ribs.
"I wanted you, Cade," I said. My voice wasn't a scream anymore. It was a raw, honest confession that felt like it was being ripped out of my chest.
My voice was slowly fading into an audible whisper as I looked at him.
"I’ve always wanted you."
The silence that followed was deafening.
We stood there, only a few feet of floor separating us. I could see the muscles in Cade’s shoulders tense, and I could see the way his eyes searched mine.
I looked down at the floor, unable to hold his gaze anymore. I dragged my palms over my face to dry my eyes. The anger was fading, leaving behind a hollow, aching exhaustion.
"You should go," I whispered, turning away from him towards my bed.
Cade didn't answer. I could feel him standing there, his presence warm, yet heavy in the small room. But I couldn't do this. Not tonight. Not when everything felt so broken.
I reached for the lamp beside my bed. Without looking at him again, I clicked the switch.
The room plunged back into darkness. I didn't move, and neither did he. I could hear his steady breathing in the shadows, a reminder that he was still there.
I climbed back into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin, turning my back to him.
I waited for the sound of his footsteps fading as he walked towards the door and closed it behind him.