Chapter 13

“Was that supposed to scare me off?” Cassidy said with a scoff, her gaze on the flame that had grown exponentially bigger as she watched. It was mesmerizing how the smoke curled straight upward with no breeze to impede it. “What you did was amazing.”

“It’s not amazing,” Tristan growled as he stomped out the flame. “It’s dangerous. People get hurt. It’s what I do.”

She waved that away, her heart thudding as she did her best to sort through her next move in this standoff between two strong willed people who had a lot of experience hiding behind flaws disguised as insurmountable problems. The hard rock beneath her dug into her flesh, causing her to shift restlessly, but she clamped down on her muscles, ordering everything to calm down.

“Of course fire is dangerous if you can’t control it,” she said carefully. “There’s not a lot you can say or do to convince me you have any trouble in that respect.”

His eyebrows slashed together over his piercing blue eyes as he flayed her with a fierce scowl. “You’re being deliberately obtuse. Controlling it isn’t the issue. I destroy stuff on purpose because I like fire, its power, what it can do. It’s pure, elemental. When something burns, it’s gone. No second chances.”

Yeah, she’d heard this song and dance before. This time, she was listening to what he wasn’t saying. She’d removed herself and her insecurities from the equation, which made it so much easier to read his expressions. There was a faint warble in his tone that meant he was becoming emotional. She couldn’t quite say why yet, but she wasn’t budging from this spot until she understood the reasons he was so bent on letting her go.

That wasn’t happening. Not now that she’d figured out what she wanted—Tristan Marchande in whatever form or duration ended up being allotted to them. Maybe they weren’t fated to be together, but they certainly had done everything but see what could work between them.

The springs was a great place to change all of that. Everyone knew you came here with someone special, and there was some kind of mystical power that wafted from the rocks. She needed a good dose of it right about now.

“Here’s the problem with that,” she said. “I’m not asking you for a second chance. We never even got to the first chance. Both of us threw down so many tacks on the road that we’ve spent every second since the moment we met either swerving to miss them or fixing all the flat tires we keep giving each other. Maybe pull over to the side of the road and let’s explore this rest stop for a while.”

She held out a trembling hand to him and then held her breath, but he didn’t actually make her wait. With a belabored sigh that made her smile inside, he grasped her hand and let her pull him down to the ground to lounge next to her.

Boy, did he lounge. He lay back on one elbow, his long legs stretched out to form an L that angled toward her, and she fancied she could almost feel his heat from here. Probably it was the almost-July sun to blame but Tristan was a supernova waiting to happen all on his own.

Thank goodness he’d gotten dressed. Tristan clothed bordered on sinful in the first place. With all of those naked abs searing her vision to the point of no return, she’d had trouble remembering that it was against the rules to touch the artwork. The man was built like a dream.

“What are we doing, like a stopping to smell the roses kind of thing?” he asked in a Grumpy Dwarf tone that shouldn’t have been so endearing.

“No, because that would be temporary.”

She hadn’t let go of his hand and he didn’t seem to be in a hurry to rectify that, so she threaded her fingers through his and held on. Just in case. He didn’t seem to be a flight risk and her wimpy grip couldn’t halt his progress if he did decide to up and flee anyway, so she decided to just enjoy the feel of his palm next to hers for as long as she could.

That was her new mantra. Enjoy things. She’d spend a long time enjoying nothing. Everything was hard for her, and she’d built that up into a shield, then whacked everyone over the head with it. No more. She was Bold Cassidy and Tristan better look out.

“Temporary is all there is,” he countered but his thumb stroked along the side of her hand deliciously and she shuddered. Did he even realize he was doing it? Probably she shouldn’t ask in case he stopped. Because that would be a shame.

“For some things,” she agreed amiably. “Maybe not all things. And maybe not even the things you’ve already decided are temporary, but really, really aren’t.”

“Okay, I’ll bite. Like what?” He let his gaze rest on her, his expression forcibly blank as if he’d had to wipe it clean lest she figure out he had a keen interest in the answer.

“The way I feel about you.” The tangle of their gazes grew some teeth as she let that dangle out there for his inspection. But she didn’t break the connection. She’d worked too hard to get here and she wasn’t giving up now.

“What way is that?” he murmured. “Because I’d argue that has most definitely changed quite recently. You used to hate me.”

The smile that leaped to her mouth was equal parts amused and sheepish. “See, that’s why we’re having this conversation. You can argue that, but you’d be wrong. The very first time I saw you, I got this little ping inside. And then you talked to me and there was nothing little about it. You do things to me on the inside that I’ve never felt before. It was terrifying.”

Tristan’s beautiful lips came together into pensive mode as he sorted through that. “So you’re saying I scared the daylights out of you?”

“Now who’s being deliberately obtuse?” she teased without malice. “And I’ll concede that some things have changed. Once upon a time, I took everything you said and tried to find the most obnoxious motivation behind it that I could, then got defensive about it. I have a hard time feeling like I’m not defective and when someone else points it out, I kind of go ballistic.”

“I’m so glad you told me because I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise,” he said but his mouth quirked up in a half smile to counter the dripping sarcasm. “If it matters, I don’t think of you as defective. I never have. I always assumed it was me you objected to, which is crazy because you know, everyone else likes me.”

The flippant lilt in his voice immediately clued her in that it had actually bothered him. That was the crazy part. A man like Tristan had been genuinely upset because he thought she didn’t like him. Enough of this.

She crawled toward him, suddenly sorry she hadn’t picked a spot with more grass and less stone, but this little area had the most shade. Didn’t seem to help the soaring temperature as he watched her come toward him, though, a gleam in his gaze that could only be described as intrigued.

When she got close enough, she curled her legs up against his chest and cradled his face in her palms, guiding it upward so she could speak to him from her heart. She needed to tell him when she’d said she cared, she meant it in the most fundamental sense. That she’d developed feelings for him that had burrowed so deep, she didn’t know how to get them out. Maybe she didn’t want to get them out and what did he think about that?

But the strangest thing happened. All the words in her head died as she stared at him. This was one time when she absolutely believed that going with her impulse might be the best move.

So she kissed him, pouring all of the things into it that she couldn’t say, hadn’t said. But should have. Every day since they’d first met, she should have told him he made her feel as if her body had filled with something lighter than air and there was a very real danger that she’d soar into the heavens.

Except she didn’t drift away because he’d cupped her jaw in kind, kissing her back with so much energy that it electrified all of her nerve endings to the point of ridiculous. How was she supposed to function when she felt this alive? But that was part of the beauty. It didn’t matter if she could function. Only that he was here, with her, fully engaged and not spouting nonsense about letting her go.

After an eternity during which she quite frankly lost all sense of time and space, he lifted his mouth and tilted his forehead to rest against hers as if he couldn’t get enough contact. That worked for her.

“You probably shouldn’t do that again,” he said with a catch in his voice that thrilled her because it signified that he didn’t really mean it.

“I disagree. Enough that I probably will. You might want to get used to it.”

“I don’t…” He let out a sigh that she felt in her rib cage. “This is not a good idea. As much as I want it to be. I don’t do this kind of thing well.”

“What kind of thing, kiss a woman?” His cheeks lifted against hers as he smiled. “Because I disagree with that too. Hush now, and stop trying to sell me on your shortcomings.”

“But ignoring the fact that temporary is what I do best isn’t going to change anything,” he argued anyway, clearly not on board with taking her suggestion to shut up. “I made a mistake in even thinking about trying to do it any other way. Thankfully your prediction stopped that idea cold before it got out of hand. I can’t risk anything that might tie us together long-term. That wouldn’t be fair to you.”

Cass’s stomach clenched as she registered the absolute sincerity in his expression. His hands fell away from her face, and she nearly wept at the sudden loss of his touch.

That stupid prediction. It was coming between them again. By design. That was the exact reason she’d blurted it out—to get them to the place they were now. Good job, Cass. Now how did she reverse it? Especially given she’d thought she’d already dispensed with that by explaining that pregnancy could easily be off the table if they just took it slow.

“Why are you so adamant that it’s not going to work? Maybe we’d be great together and you’d never once think about moving on.”

“I’m not the one who’ll be thinking about moving on, Cass,” he ground out and shut his eyes for apparent fortification. “This is about you figuring out that you’re such an amazing woman, any man in his right mind would go to war to make you his. You’ll have your pick. I can guarantee that I wouldn’t make the top ten. That’s why you’ve been so prickly with me. You think of me as a womanizer and a host of other things that you find undesirable. I get it. You like the way I make you feel and once that fades, you’ll see the truth in what I’m telling you.”

The pain in his voice knifed right through her, playing judge, jury and executioner in one fell swoop. She’d said those things. She’d planted these soul-deep insecurities inside him with her thoughtless actions. “No, that’s not right at all.”

But he wasn’t having any of it. “It is. That’s what I’m good at. Helping a woman feel like she can conquer the world. And here you are, talking about your learning disability, something you’ve never had the courage to talk about before. Right? You feel freer than you ever have before, better able to handle life and all its complexities. You’re ready to fall in love.”

Yes. All of those things. He’d set her free. That was such a lovely way of saying it. He’d been showing her all along that he didn’t think of her as defective until she finally saw it for herself. It was only because of him that she could be Bold Cass.

She was ready to fall in love with Tristan. She might already be closer than she would have admitted. Of course, because once again, he saw things much more clearly than she did.

But just as she opened her mouth to tell him that, he cut in, “If all of that is true, then I’ve done my job well and it’s time for you to move on.”

What was he trying to get her to do, argue that he hadn’t had a huge role in helping her embrace her difficulties? That would be the lie. “You’re twisting it around and somehow making it sound like a bad thing or at the very least like step one of a move up to a better man plan. You’re good for me, Tristan. Not my pick of the battlefield victors. That’s the point.”

This was his chance to be the better man, the one she chose. Why wasn’t he taking it?

“Not arguing that.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “Experience tells me you’ll even appreciate it so much that you’ll thank me as you’re going off to your next adventure. Instead of waiting until something happens that would prevent you from being free of me like an unexpected pregnancy, I’m speeding up the timetable. To now.”

No, that wasn’t acceptable. Not when she’d just figured out she needed him. But her brain swirled with confusion, refusing to make connections between concepts as everything between them started sliding away.

“I don’t want you to let me go,” she countered as her temper started churning along with her thoughts. “That’s total crap and you can’t possibly believe any of this. Do you have any idea how hard I have to work at doing simple things like filling out paperwork? Everything comes easy to you. And your first response is to let it go? That’s not how life works.”

“How does it work, Cass?” He sat up and crossed his arms, the rest stop part of their conversation apparently over. “Please tell me.”

But she couldn’t find the words. She blinked. How did it work? It wasn’t like she had a host of experience with men. Maybe this was how all women figured out what they wanted in a relationship—they cycled through a bunch, each one teaching them something until they found the prize at the end of the not-quite-right rainbow.

Except she didn’t believe for a second that Aria had blazed a path through a number of men until she found Isaiah, the one worth keeping. What Tristan was saying couldn’t be the sole extent of the human experience. She needed Tristan, but she also needed a strong commitment to feel secure. The prediction had nailed that on the head and somehow, she had to figure out how to get him on the same page.

“Two people fall in love and they figure out how to put their stake in the ground,” she said. “They commit to each other and then that’s it. They’re together. They don’t make a big production out of it and keep trying to shove the other one away.”

He just shook his head with a forced smile. “That’s not what’s happening here. That’s what’s in store for you in the future. With someone else.”

Why was he being so stubborn about this? She almost stomped her foot in frustration but that wouldn’t serve any purpose. Well, there wasn’t a whole lot about this conversation that was serving a purpose, was there? She stomped her foot anyway, which had little effect since she was sitting down.

The movement must have jarred something loose in her head because all at once, she remembered the other part of her prediction that said she would create an intense bond with a man. Tristan. They’d almost been there in the shelter, but rescue had broken up their party. And then they’d danced around each other a whole bunch since then.

What if that bond was how the commitment part came about? Maybe she was supposed to be the one who put the stake in the ground but hadn’t because she’d been too busy thinking about herself and her own revelations instead of focusing on what he needed from her.

“You’re wrong,” she told him point blank.

“Cass—”

“Don’t Cass me.” She held up a finger to stop the additional flow of words. “You talked. Now it’s my turn. I want to be with you, not some nameless man out there whom you’ve already decided is better for me. I get to decide that, not you. What’s the worst thing that can happen if you start trying to protect that flame instead of blowing it out? You find out I’m right instead, that’s what, and furthermore—”

“Cass,” he cut in wearily, his eyes full of agony she didn’t know how to interpret or fix. “I’m not worthy of you. You have to give this up. That’s the bottom line.”

Her heart squeezed so tightly as she internalized his pain that she gasped. That was the bottom line, but not the way he meant it. He’d done his job helping her learn to love herself first, now it was on her to return the favor. She had to convince him he was worth it.

But how? He wasn’t giving her a chance.

She crossed her arms to hold in all the things inside threatening to gush out, not the least of which was a strong desire to pull him into her arms and kiss away all his hurt. But she didn’t because that hadn’t worked so well in the past. He needed something else, a push, a challenge.

He was holding back for some unknown reason and instinct told her she needed to break through that barrier. Somehow. Without additional information.

This was her chance to throw every ounce of creativity and impulse she had at Tristan, pray a lot and then give fate room to work.