XXXIV. Fresh

Chapter XXXIV – Fresh Our pizza arrived a little while later, and Shea and I bickered over pineapple again. I was full after two and a half pieces and Shea was still hungry, so he begrudgingly sufferedeating my leftover Hawaiian pieces, dramatically acting as though I was trying to poison him. After dinner, we found a movie to watch on cable and settled into the couch. I rested my head on Shea's chest, not realising just how tired I was after today. My eyes were quickly becoming heavy, and Shea's calm heartbeat was lulling me to sleep. I must've fallen asleep, because I woke up startled when the front door burst open and Mom practically fell through carrying a dozen shopping bags. Shea and I leapt off the couch to help, but I regretted the sudden movement. Shea stopped, but I motioned for him to go and help her while I sat back down with a thump. Shea immediately took the brunt of the burden, carrying the majority of the bags over to the kitchen counter for her. Mom followed him, and I couldn't help but noticed her hair looking shiny and refreshed. It looked healthy and bouncy and – Oh my God, my mom went and got a blowout. She began unpacking her groceries, muttering to Shea where they belonged, and I saw her lifting out packages of bacon, eggs, pancake mix, fresh fruits and four different kinds of milk to go with the seven varieties of cereal she had purchased. I then saw that the remaining bags that weren't groceries were from clothing stores that I had seen in Newtown. She must have just made it before they closed. A blowout, all this food, and new clothes? My mom was trying to impress my dad! That wasn't a crazy assumption, right? Holy shit, she still cared about him! I beamed like an idiot, and Shea noticed, giving me a puzzled look. Once the groceries were away, Mom collected her clothing bags and ducked upstairs. She hadn't noticed my stupid expression. She honestly looked a little stressed. "What?" asked Shea curiously. "It's weird for your mom to buy food?" "Mom got a blowout!"I whispered excitedly. Shea looked at me like I had just spoken Japanese. "What in the world is a blowout?" "Didn't you notice her hair?" I scoffed. Shea frowned. "It's … brown?" I rolled my eyes and grinned. "My dad is coming over for breakfast tomorrow!" I told him. "Mom went and got her hair done. She's bought all this food. I mean, she bought almond milk! She's trying to impress!" Mom didn't even like two percent milk in her coffee as she thought it tasted like water. "And she's just gone upstairs with bags of new clothes!" "You're cute when you're excited." Shea smirked. "Will you help me up the stairs?" I pleaded. "I need to talk to her!" I had expected him to allow me to lean on him as we walked, but instead Shea whipped me up into his arms and carried me up the stairs with ease. Placing me down safely on the landing, I made my way over to my mom's bedroom. I knocked on the door and opened it, slipping inside, and closing the door behind me. Mom was standing in front of her floor length mirror wearing a sports bra and yoga pants, while holding up two very nice blouses up against her. One was a minty green colour, which suited her complexion nicely, and would go great with her eyes. It looked like it was quite form fitting, and wrap around, leaving a low v neckline. The other was black, sleeveless, and more flowy. Mom dropped the blouses to her side, holding the hangers by the tips of her fingers. She stared at herself, her eyes zeroed in on her stomach as she relaxed it. My mom had a really nice, feminine figure. She was curvier than she used to be, but I thought that came with having a baby. Her stomach was still flat as a pancake, and when she did sit ups every so often, it could be toned. "I don't know what it is about the freshman fifteen, Sara, but it never leaves your stomach, ass and thighs," she muttered angrily, dropping the blouses on the floor before pulling at the skin on her stomach. "Mom, what are you talking about? You're beautiful!" I said sincerely. I had never seen her feel self-conscious before. My mom was not a vain person, even though she did look after her appearance like any other person would. She offered me a thankful look before going back over to the shopping bags on her bed. She fished around before she pulled out this elastic looking tube thing. It looked like spanx but without the underwear part. "I bought this. The lady in the store said it's supposed to suck in all your fat." Mom sucked in her stomach so that her ribcage was protruding. She stretched the spanx before stepping into it, shimmying it up her thighs and pulling it up over her butt so that it sat around her waist. My mom was nervous. She was feeling self-conscious. She hadn't seen her husband in seventeen years and she wanted to look good. I was so stupid excited. "Mom, you look perfect!" I continued. "You don't need spanx. It's not really doing anything anyway." Mom cocked an eyebrow. "It smooths everything out and sucks in the pudginess. I'm not twenty years old anymore, Sara. It shows." She huffed as she picked up her blouses again and held them up against herself. She impatiently tossed the green one away, murmuring that she needed to lose five pounds before she could pull that one off. "Daddy isn't twenty years old anymore, either," I said quietly, hoping that she would be less hard on herself if she considered that he was older now, too. Her head snapped around and her green eyes narrowed. "Men have it easy. They can eat a freaking mango and lose ten pounds. I look at a muffin and it's attached itself to my thighs." Mom slipped the blouse on and started pulling and adjusting it on her frame. "Trust that man to come back from the damn dead looking …" she trailed off. I carefully collected the green blouse from the floor and brought it back to her. "I think you will look really beautiful in this," I promised her. "You're a rockstar, Mom, and it's not because of your looks … even though you are beautiful. You're a doctor, a very respected one! You're always the smartest one in the room. You're a kickass mom, and you're my best friend. Any man would be lucky to have you." Mom rolled her eyes and took the blouse from me. But she smiled. "I know what you're thinking, Sara. I can see it all over your face. I don't want you to get your hopes up." Sighing, she said, "Sara, I want you to have exactly the relationship with your father that you want. I won't stand in your way at all." I knew that. She wasn't a vindictive person. "What kind of relationship do you want with him, Mom?" I knew I was pushing my luck, but I was desperately curious. A slight blush filled her cheeks as she huffed bashfully. "You ought to get to bed. You need to rest. I'll be in to check your temperature and your abdomen in a bit." She then ushered me out of her room and I met back up with Shea on the landing. Were I not a total invalid, I would have been bouncing. How had I thought that they would be getting a divorce? They were meant to be! "Mom and Daddy, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G," I sang in a hushed voice which made Shea laugh. Putting his arms around me, he hugged me tight. I nuzzled his check, enjoying his comfort. "Well, being without you for thirty-two hours just about killed me. I don't know how I would cope without you for seventeen years. I hope for both their sakes they can find some happiness." *** Shea didn't stay. Mostly because we knew my mom would be like a helicopter and hover over me throughout the night. I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if I woke up to a thermometer in my mouth. And it was the first night I'd been alone since … well, since before it happened. Lying in my bed in the dark, completely alone, felt a little more overwhelming than I had imagined. I felt scared. Not in the way that I thought something bad would happen to me, but because something terrible had already happened to me. I was scared that my innocence had gone. Any little remnant of naivety I had was gone because it really can happen to you. My pulse began to quicken, my breathing grew shallow, and I felt the adrenaline begin to course through my veins as the panic began to settle in. My heart was hammering. Oh my God, it felt like it was going to explode. I felt my body start to shake as the tips of my fingers and toes went numb. Was this a heart attack? Was I having a heart attack? I sucked in breaths like crazy as I used all my might to roll onto my side to fish for my phone. My eyes were being blinded by my panic tears, and it was a miracle I could dial with numb fingers, but I was calling Shea within seconds. He answered on the first ring. "Sara?" he answered, his voice thick with sleep. "I'm … having … a … heart … attack," I cried in a breathless, helpless voice. I heard all sorts of fumbling in the background, but it was hard to concentrate on anything other than the sound of my own organs getting ready to explode. I clutched my chest as I sucked in raspy breaths. "Sara, I need you to calm down," Shea said slowly, more alert than before. "You're not having a heart attack. You're having a panic attack, okay? You're not dying, I promise you." He spoke clearly and calmly. I cried out. This didn't feel like a normal panic attack. "My heart!" "I know, Sara, I know!" he said soothingly. "You need to focus your breathing, okay? Put me on speakerphone, can you do that?" Even though I was trembling like crazy, I managed to hit the little button that put Shea on speakerphone. His voice was louder now, and not just muffled on the other end of the phone. "Am I on speaker?" "Yes," I said breathlessly. "Okay, good. I promise you this will be over in a minute. Now, match your breathing with mine." I heard him take a deep breath in, so I did my best to copy. Shea then exhaled. My breaths were shaky, but I managed to suck more air into my lungs than I had been. "And again," he instructed, taking a deep breath. I tried to focus my mind entirely on just that sound. Ignoring everything else, every fear, ever anxiety, I switched it off to focus solely on the sound of Shea breathing in and out. We didn't speak for a while. We just breathed. My heart began to slow down, eventually beating at its normal pace. My shakes stopped, and I felt tingles in my fingertips and toes. The sound of Shea's deep, even breaths eventually lulled me to sleep. --- Okay. Loading episode one and taking my makeup off. One childish thing, one grown up thing. One step at a time hahaha. Night guys. Vote and comment xxx