Forgive Her

Forgive Her
Evelyn's Point of View
“Evelyn Madison?”
I stared at the lady seated opposite me briefly before I returned my attention outside. The garden was a stunning view; a huge tree stood in the middle of it, and its leaves rustled softly. The bright sun hung in the sky, so blue and beautiful.
But my distraught heart could not enjoy the view.
“How are you feeling?”
Her voice was barely above a whisper and soft.
How was I feeling?
The answer is I don't know. All emotions were numb, and emptiness filled my chest. I desperately wanted to feel.
“Evelyn, I'm trying to help you here, and I can only do it if you allow me to help you.”
I cleared the lump forming in my throat before I faced her again. “I don't know!”
My voice was barely above a whisper. I pulled myself onto the couch, curling my body into a ball.
“Can you tell me about your family, especially your mother?”
My mother
Did I ever have a mother in my life? I only knew the woman who carried me in her womb for nine months out of spite. I don't know what a mother is…
“You mean the woman who gave birth to me?”
My voice is void of any emotions. I'm trying to feel something, but nothing seems to be working. All I feel is this emptiness deep within me.
“Can you tell me about her and your childhood?“
My childhood?
Was I ever a child?
I never had the privilege of being a child. I don't know the true meaning of childhood because I was never a child.
“Talk to me, Evelyn; remember I'm here for you. I'm going to listen to you and never judge you. Just trust me.”
Her voice was soft. She tapped the pen she was holding on the table, her notebook beside it.

“Did she ever love you?”
“No!”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because she never does.”
“Can you be more specific?”
I let out a sigh. “I don't know what you want me to say…”
“What makes you think she never loved you?”

Emotions began building up within me, but I couldn't describe them.
“Because a mother who loves her children will never treat them like dogs… No woman would ever eat a full meal in front of her young, hungry child without caring if they've eaten. No woman would hit her children until they bleed, no mother would ever sell her ten-year-old child to a brothel, or watch her child being molested right in front of her with care.. No mother would ever do that…”
Tears streamed down my cheeks with my permission, my whole being shaking. The emotions kept on building up, suffocating and overwhelming me.
“I'm sorry, Evelyn—I'm sorry you had to go through all that suffering…”
“But that won't change anything now, will it?”
I tried to blink back my tears, but they wouldn't.
“But do you realize that this anger, frustration, and hatred you have for her is ruining your life?”
I balled my hand into a fist, but I couldn't utter a word; my breath burst in and out of my nostrils.
“Only you can free yourself from this agony you are going through… You have the power to overcome and free yourself. You are still young, and you deserve to be happy like everyone else, but that can only happen if you stop clinging to your pain and free yourself. Don't become a slave to your pain, and stop victimizing yourself. It has already happened, and there's nothing anyone can do to undo it.”
“But how do I do that? I've tried the best I could, but nothing is working… I don't like feeling this way… I hate feeling the way I am right now…” My chin trembled, my voice breaking with tears.
The lady moved from her couch and sat next to me; she placed her hand on top of mine. “The only way you can free yourself is forgiveness…”
I pushed her off me. “But how can I forgive her for everything she's done to me and my sister? I can't __.”
I stammered between my sobs.
I can never forgive her.
She broke me into a million pieces I can't put together.
I can't forgive her.
“By forgiving her, you are freeing yourself from the clutches of this pain. The burden of hatred and anger is very heavy, Evelyn, and the more you carry it, it will drag you down with it; the same goes for revenge. They say if you choose a path of vengeance, you must dig two graves because you might get caught up in it and find yourself in that grave, but the path of forgiveness frees you and allows you to forgive and love yourself.”
I burst into sobs at her word. That woman didn't just break me; she killed my inner self, and I don't think I can ever heal from that heartbreak. I've tried, and nothing has worked.
“Look around you, Evelyn, there are people who love you. Your sister loves you so much, and your husband loves you so much that he cried, begging me to help you. Would you rather hold onto this pain and let it swallow you or allow yourself to heal and go back to the people who love you?”
I covered my face with my hands, letting my sobs echo into an empty space. “Everything is in your hands, Evelyn. If you choose to hate her for the rest of your life, this pain will stay with you all your life, but if you choose to forgive her, you'd heal from all this and be with people who love you and cherish you, because no matter what we went through in our childhood, the important thing is to have someone who loves you, holds your hand, and is there for you. You have those people, Evelyn; don't let them down like your mother did with you.”
“But she's the one who was supposed to love me first; she was supposed to teach me what love is, but she's the one who broke my heart…”
“But she didn't, Evelyn, and that was her loss; crying, hating her, or never forgiving her will never change anything. The best thing you can do is to move on with your life. If you allow yourself to heal, time will help you heal all wounds, but you need to take the first steps. “
My sobs increased at her words, and I don't even know how I was feeling anymore.