CHAPTER 31 — HERE FOR YOU AND OUR BABY

It was difficult living on a farm, but Rachel wasn’t about to admit it to Raymond. Perhaps it was the joy and the sense of achievement she saw in his eyes. Perhaps it was the accomplishment of taking the house from a state of nothingness to a habitable state. She didn’t know, but something kept her from voicing her complaints.

She, also, kept a secret from Raymond, one that was rapidly growing inside of her and changing her slender form to a fuller one. She had noticed she was pregnant three months ago, while they were still on the dusty roads journeying to the farm. She had endured long hours of sitting in a wagon and sleeping on the bare ground for six weeks. They were hours of eating barely any healthy meals, and when they arrived at the farm, before she even got the chance to break the news of the impending child to Raymond, they were thrown into a whirlwind of chores.

She knew now the foolishness of her decision to keep the baby a secret for so long. The long hours of toiling on the farm took a toll on her body, causing every muscle to ache. But she didn’t think she had a choice, she had to work. She feared telling Raymond about the child when she first found out, because she thought it would put him in a position where he would constantly need to worry about her, losing focus on the task ahead.

But her secret came to light with the evidence of a slightly bulging stomach.

She pulled a green dress over her bare body, the fabric helping to hide the bulge from the public. Her gaze swept the room, and she knew her day would be a combination of chores and caring for the children, all of whom were still quite young. Scarlet was nine, James was seven, Josie was six, Lexie was four, Lenny was three and Millie was barely a year old. Each child seemed to require the extra care of a mother, who direly needed a break herself.

Sweeping as much dirty laundry as she could into her arms, she carried them down the stairs and placed them in a pile on the sofa. She would wash them, she decided, right after she got started on breakfast. Straightening, she turned from the sofa and crossed the room to the kitchen. There was a bucket on the sink containing apples. She smiled to herself, knowing Raymond had gotten up early to pick them for her.

With all she needed at hand, she put together a large breakfast of apple pie, bread, scrambled eggs and a pot of gravy. She set the kettle over the stove and waited for the water to get warm, before making the morning coffee.

As they sat on the table that morning, Rachel picked at her meal. It was nearly impossible to force the meal down her throat, and she had no interest in the conversation going on around her. She was thankful when breakfast was over and Raymond kissed her goodbye, exiting the building and heading to work on the farm once more. But her joy was short-lived when she was forced to attend to the need of every child, the laundry and the dirty floors. She was back at the sink preparing lunch by afternoon and seated on the table once more, barely able to eat.

She laid in bed that evening with a headache, fighting the urge to cry. When she heard Raymond walk into the room, she pulled her eyelids shut, afraid she’d break down before him and beg him to take her back to the simpler life they had before moving to the farm. Her body ached and her emotions ran wild. When she heard his soft snores beside her an hour later, she gave in to her tears, angry at the fact that Raymond loved their new life on the farm and she couldn’t love it as much.

With every day that went by, Rachel found her strength diminishing. She ignored her diminishing strength, throwing herself further into her never ceasing pile of chores. But one afternoon, everything changed.

She was standing by the stove trying to cook lunch, while her legs protested the many hours she spent standing. Ignoring the pain, she straightened.

“Mama?”

She heard a child’s voice—Josie, perhaps.

“Mama? May I have some biscuits?”

She tried to speak, but her lips remained glued together. She released her hold on the sink and tried to turn to the child, but all that followed her action was darkness.

“Rachel?!” Raymond swore, tugging on her arm, panic lacing his voice. “Rachel?!”

A soft moan escaped her lips as she forced her eyelids apart, and a blurry image appeared before her.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?”

She heard someone crying in the background as Raymond helped her to a sitting position.

“What…” She winced, placing a hand on her throbbing head.

“You fainted,” he explained. “Josie came to get me.”

“Oh... Well, I’m alright now,” she insisted, her vision clearing. She tried to rise to her feet, but his arms around her held her captive.

“No, you’re not.”

“I only need to rest for a few minutes,” she admitted, but his hold around her tightened.

“Do you feel unwell?”

“Just a headache.”

“Then you are not pregnant?”

She froze, taken aback by his question that forced her to remember her present state. A part of her subconscious had pushed that fact to the side. She wondered briefly how he had guessed, but admitted her stomach was becoming quite obvious.

“Yes, but I’m fine.” 

“You are not to work,” he said sharply, confirming her fear. He would try to keep her confined while the entire burden of the farm fell on him—she couldn’t let it happen.

“I got overworked and I need to rest, but only for a few hours. I should be fine after.” She wiggled in his arms, turning fully to face him.

Deep lines ran across his forehead, lines she hadn’t noticed in the past. His once handsome features were made hardened by the work he had to do. Her assessment of him only made her more determined not to put the entire burden of the family on his shoulders.

“I’m fine,” she said, touching his face. “I promise.”

His frown deepened, but only for a while. After a few minutes, he nodded slowly.

“You will rest for a while,” he murmured, rising to his feet and leaning down to carry her in his arms. “You will rest for a while and we will begin discussions on what name we will give to our seventh child.” A broad smile spread across his face, allowing her a glimpse of the man she married before moving to the farm.

They reached the room, and he placed her on the bed, her body relaxing the second her back touched the mattress. Her eyelids immediately weakened, pulling shut.

“Sleep, sweetheart.” He kissed her brow. “And when you wake up, I’ll be here. I’ll be here for you and our baby.” He whispered, as she drifted to sleep.