Chapter 46: I Didn't Mean To

Chapter 46

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Elena

Kael came back late. I was already in bed, facing the wall. I didn’t turn when I heard him come in.

I felt the dip on the mattress, then the warmth of his body behind mine.

“You’re awake,” he said softly.

I nodded slowly.

He kissed the back of my neck. “Long day?”

“Yeah.”

He didn’t push further, he just wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer.

I felt safe, but I didn’t feel clean.

The guilt was eating me up, I didn’t know how to tell him.

I didn’t know if I even should.

He whispered, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” But even I could hear how flat my voice sounded.

Kael was quiet for a moment. Then he brought it up , “Did something happen?”

“No, I'm just tired”

It was a terrible lie, I also knew it wasn't convincing enough.

He kissed my shoulder. “Alright, rest. I’ll be here if you need anything.”

I nodded again, and took in a deep breath. I felt bad obviously but I didn't know what to at the moment other than to push me away.

The next morning, I got up early. Kael was still asleep. I brushed his cheeks with fingers and slipped out of bed, dressed fast, and walked out into the courtyard.

The air was cold, and my hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

I sat near the fountain, just breathing and looking at the sunrise set up.

I didn’t even notice Rhea until she sat beside me.

She just looked at me and kept quiet. I could feel her stares piercing through me.

“You're quite out early today, couldn't sleep?” She said.

“Yeah, how about you?”

“ I'm a light sleeper, heard some noises earlier, and i went to check it out.”

I nodded and we sat there in silence for a while.

Then she said, “If you ever want to talk…”

I cut her off. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

She didn’t push, but I knew she didn’t believe me.

Later that morning, Kael and I were in the council hall.

A few guards updated him about the new border movements. He nodded, gave orders, and stayed calm like always.

I stood beside him, eyes blank.

I could feel his energy shift. He kept glancing at me, it wasn’t because of the meeting, but rather because of me. And I knew why.

When it ended, he didn’t wait. He pulled me aside, into the west corridor where no one was around.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

“Elena.”

I looked away. “I said it’s nothing.”

“You haven’t looked at me properly all morning.”

I crossed my arms. “You’re probably overthinking.”

He frowned. “You always say that when you’re hiding something.”

I didn’t answer.

His jaw clenched. “Is it about Lucian?”

My eyes snapped to his, and he stared back. I think I may had given off the reaction he was looking for, but I quickly masked it.

“I saw your face when Rhea said his name yesterday,” he said. “And today, you look like someone who’s been hiding something.”

“I didn’t say anything because it doesn’t matter,” I said.

“It clearly does.”

I sighed. “We talked, that’s all.”

“Talked?”

“In a room, it was just us.”

He blinked. “You went with him?”

I looked down and pressed my lips into a thin line.

“Elena…”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like?”

I stayed quiet.

He ran a hand through his hair, stepping back. “Did he touch you?”

I flinched, and he saw that.

I saw something in him broke.

“I see,” he said.

“No, Kael—it wasn’t—”

He shook his head. “Don’t lie to me. Did you do anything to him?”

“Gosh no, what to you take me for?”

He turned his back to me. I wanted to reach for him so badly, but I didn't.

“I really love you Elena.” he asked, voice low. “Don't make me feel I made the wrong decisions.”

“Kael, you are overthinking all this, nothing serious happened okay?”

“So something did happen?”

“I —” I paused, then took in a few deep breath. “I didn’t mean to.”

“That doesn’t make it better.”

“I know.”

He turned around. “Do you still want him?”

“No.”

“Then why did you go?”

“I don’t know.” My voice cracked. “I thought I needed closure. I thought seeing him would help.”

“Well did it?”

I didn’t answer.

He looked so tired.

“I should’ve known,” he said. “I should’ve known this wouldn’t be easy.”

“I’m sorry.”

He didn’t say anything else.

He just walked away, and I didn’t see him the rest of the day.

I went to check on Myra. She was sitting up now, better. We talked for a bit, and I pretended everything was fine.

I left her room and found Rhea waiting outside.

“I got a glimpse of you and Kael” she asked.

I nodded.

“Elena…talk to me.”

“I don’t really know what to do now.”

“What happened?”

“Lucian return made things more complicated for me.”

“In what aspect?”

“Kael and I had made a huge progress in our relationship, and im happy with it. I thought I would be able to face him once he returned from whenever he disappeared to, but seeing him yesterday made me realise otherwise.”

She held my hand and walked with me down the hall.

Then she stopped suddenly and turned to me.

“Elena,”

I braced myself. “Yes?”

“Do you still like Lucian?”

My heart skipped a beat. Why did that name give me a sudden gushy feeling?

“I think so.”

“Hmm,” Rhea paused. “Which among them are you scared of loosing the most?”

“Definitely Kael.” I said, touching the loose ends of my braids.

I found it weird, because a while back, I would picked Lucian over him.

That evening, I went back to my room alone.

I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor.

Everything felt wrong, I should’ve walked away.

I should’ve told him no the second I saw him, but I didn’t.

And now I had to live with it.

Kael

My head was a mess at the moment.

I walked pass the outer halls, then out into the woods. I needed some space and fresh air.

My wolf was restless, and angry.

It wasn’t just at her, but at myself.

I let myself hope. I let my guard down.

And now all I could see was her walking into a room with him.

All I could hear was her saying, “I didn’t mean to.”

That didn’t change what happened.

But gods, I still loved her.

Even now, and I hated that too.