Chapter 163: Angry Children

Sasa popped him upside the back of his head, “Don’t ever say that! I chose you puppies to be mine. I could have killed you or thrown you back on the streets or given you back to the pack to raise as orphans. Instead, I fell in love with you and chose to keep you and raise you. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever change that. I hear you make a remark like that again and I’ll hold you down and wash yer mouth out with soap, do I make myself clear?”

Ragnar just looked at her shocked as he rubbed his head where he had been struck.

“Mama, you hit Rag. You never hit us,” Astrid said in awe.

Sasa whimpered realizing what she had done. “Ragnar, baby, I’m sorry. I just don’t like it when you talk like that. I know I’ve been gone for a year, but you’ve been here long enough to know better,”

“I also want to add in Sasa’s defense, she just drank a lot of Eirwen’s blood. Her blood became off balance, tilting to the vampire side. Eirwen and Sasa cycled blood until she was properly half and half again. Sasa may need time to readjust to her wolf temper again,” Dagrim added.

Before anymore could be said Bernard stormed into the entry way, demanding, “Where is Fenris, you bitch!?”

Dagrim went to step infront Sasa as he said, “Now Bernard,”

Sasa nudged Astrid into Dagrim as she shook her head. “I need to deal with this, daddy. Kids, go with Gido. You should be in bed soon anyway. I’ll tuck you in once I get done talking with your older brothers,” Sasa said with a sad smile.

“Are you sure?” Dagrim asked, “I think he means to really scold you,”

“He won’t, but I knew this would happen. Another reason I didn’t want to come home first,” Sasa growled the last bit when she turned to face her livid housemate just in time to take a blow to the face, the force of the vampire’s strike was enough to crack and bruise Sasa’s skin. Sasa was even positive the jaw might be fractured from the blow.

“I always said you would get Fenris killed!” Bernard seethed with grief.

Sasa didn’t even flinch from the blow, or attempt to block the next one. The second one came with claws. It seemed to make Bernard even angrier that Sasa didn’t seem like she was going to fight back. Once the puppies were out of ear shot Sasa looked up at him apologetically.

“I had to do what I did to protect him,” Sasa said softly as she met Bernard’s eyes. Looking past the fierce Englishman she met Ryuji’s eyes too as she caught him move in the back ground.

“There is no way you’re ever going to make me believe you let my sire die to protect him!” Bernard shouted.

Sasa shook her head, “I didn’t let him die, I…”

Before Sasa could say more Bernard had his hand around Sasa’s throat and was squeezing it uncomfortably. Surprisingly it didn’t seem to bother her like it used to. It must have been the vampire she killed; she must have somehow learned the trick of knowing she no longer needed air.

“If you tell me you killed him, I will find a way to kill you, you,”

“Bernard,” Ryuji interrupted as he walked over. “You can’t kill her. Fenris forbade both of us from killing or seriously harming her,”

Bernard threw Sasa into the wall, “Those orders don’t seem to work anymore if you haven’t noticed. And don’t think you can start telling me what to do!”

Sitting up Sasa just looked at Bernard apologetically, “Do what you must, Bernard. I swore I wouldn’t let him be harmed and I failed. But remember this, I loved him too. I loved him more and deeper than either of you ever have or ever could. I am his wife, his mate, and he is my everything. You’re just his friends. I’ll take whatever punishment you deem fit because I know you’re grieving, but remember I lost him too. I lost..,” Sasa’s voice broke off as she couldn’t think of the words to describe what she had lost. Her heart, her soul, her reason to go on. The only flicker of light was to find him and at minimum watch him at afar. Maybe one day they could be friends, perhaps lovers if he ever wanted her again. She wanted to cry, to sing again, but she wouldn’t allow herself in front of an angry Bernard. If she let herself cry in front of any of these vampires it would be Marith before Bernard.

Bernard snarled and his eyes glowed red as he raised a hand to strike at Sasa again. Sasa only looked down at the floor in defeat as she waited for the blow. It never came. Looking up Sasa saw Marith standing in front of her as a shield, holding Bernard’s wrist tightly.

“I know she’s a silly puppy, but I won’t allow you to harm her any further. You gave her a few strikes, what will any more accomplish?” Marith scolded protectively.

“Who gave you the authority to stop me?” Bernard demanded.

“My axe, Englishman,” Marith mocked, “I’ll be making the rules here for a while, don’t like it you know where the doors are. I really don’t want to explain to Dagrim why his child is dead,”

Bernard yanked his wrist free and glared at Sasa, “I’m not done with you. One of these days you won’t have any one to protect you and then you are mine for what you did to Fenris,”

Sasa just hung her head.

“Stupid girl, how far were you going to let him get before you stopped him? He might have killed you,” Marith demanded.

“I know. I hadn’t planned on stopping him,” Sasa admitted.

Marith smacked her upside the head. “Goose, what use are you to anyone dead? You still have children to see into adulthood and take back to their dens. Also, you have yet to speak of the pest in the past tense, which means he isn’t dead,”

“Is that true? But we can’t feel him anymore,” Ryuji asked.

Sasa continued to look at the floor, balling up fistfuls of her skirt into her hands.

Setting a hand on her head gently Marith kneeled to ask, “What did they do to you this time?”

“If everyone’s done yelling at me, I think I’ll see the children to bed now,” Sasa said as she got up and walked past the two vampires.

She heard them talking as she walked off, but she didn’t care. Sasa went to the children’s room and tucked them into bed. Ragnar tried to protest he was too old for such things, but Sasa just smiled and said she understood and would only tuck in Astrid from now on if he didn’t want her to anymore. She apologized again for being gone so long, then looked at Ragnar seriously.

“Did you graduate this last year, or are you still in school?”

“Idmu and the twins have me looking for colleges. I still have a bit before graduation. I’m only sixteen, mother,”

Sasa hung her head, “I’m sorry I missed it. I’m very proud of you. Have you thought of when you’re going back, to become a wolf and start studying to become a warrior?”

“If Fenris is in trouble then how can you ask if I’m leaving? I must stay until we get your mate back. Besides, without the vampire who will protect you and Astrid?” Ragnar asked.

Sasa hugged her son. “You’re a good boy Rag. I know you want to become a warrior. This could take decades to settle, are you sure you want to wait? I won’t think any less of you if you went back to the wolves. You’re always welcome to come home whenever you wish,”

“No, I kind of do like the vampire, mother. I wanted him there too, when I became a warrior. I want you, Fenris, gido and grandpa Sköll all there,”

“Like you said mama, we’re a family. Families stick together. Besides, we’re not real wolves yet, but I can smell almost as good as grandpa Sköll. Extra noses will help find papa faster,” Astrid chimed in.

“You both are so precious to me, thank you. However the man in white may be lingering around him, I don’t want you children near him,” Sasa said sternly. “I really don’t even want Dagrim and Sköll to come either, but I know at least one of them will. We’ll talk more about this later, for now, why don’t you two go to bed, alright?”

“Alright mother,” Ragnar said as he climbed into bed.

“Good night mama,” Astrid chimed as she snuggled under the covers.

Sasa kissed them both good night and wished them good dreams before she left. Outside the room she felt lost. She hadn’t been without Fenris since she came back from Egypt. Aimlessly she wandered the halls, creeping silently so no one disturbed her, she made her way to her room. Once inside she wanted to shut down as the scent of her mate flooded her senses. Everything here reminded her of him, smelled of him and made her want to shut down. Making her way to the bathroom she showered off, brushing her hair for the first time in ages. The drain clogged with hair several times from the lack of care her hair had received. The dye had faded, but you could still see where her original hair color was, and where the dye began. It was even hard for Sasa to shower. Fenris had always come in after her, or teased her from the bedroom. She hadn’t even showered alone since they married. Sasa didn’t like to count the time spent as a human because she didn’t remember Fenris. She wished she could forget him now, but she couldn’t. If she forgot him, she couldn’t help him. Before the shower was over Sasa found herself on the floor crying silently as the water continued to wash over her. She sat there for so long the water turned to ice, but she didn’t care. Nothing mattered, she was alone and there was no point to anything.