Chapter 14: 14

KA T IE

TEN DAYS LATER

How do I look?” Leaning back in my chair, I looked in the coffee shop’s window and tried to get a glimpse at my reflection.

“You look great.”

I turned back to Marilyn, who didn’t look happy.

We were sitting outside one of our favorite coffee shops, where Joel was due to drop by any minute.

“You look so great,” Marilyn said, “that it makes me think you really need to find a guy that deserves you.”

My face fell. “Marilyn…”

“Fine.” She loudly slurped her iced latte.

I twisted my lips. “Joel is amazing. I think if you’d just meet him…”

“What? I would be so taken by how hot he is that I’d forgive him for stringing you along?”

I huffed. “No. You’d see that he’s putting in the work. When he opened up to me, told me all these things… that was big. He’s making progress.”

Marilyn pinned me with her gaze. “Did he tell you that he’s ready for a relationship?”

“Well… no. But I’m not so sure I want a relationship right now, anyway.”

“Bullshit,” she said without skipping a beat. “You were just moaning to me a month ago about how badly you want to meet a good guy and start having babies.”

I felt my face heat up. “Yes, I still want that!”

A woman at the next table glanced over, and I about crawled under my chair in embarrassment. It wasn’t like me to make a public scene. I’d been raised better than that.

I lowered my voice. “I still want that, but obviously it’s not happening now, so why can’t I just enjoy myself for a while?”

“That’s not you.”

I lifted my chin. “I’m taking a page out of your book.”

Again, she loudly slurped. Obviously, she was doing it to annoy me.

“You and I are different in that way,” Marilyn said. “And I’m not an idiot. I don’t believe for one minute that you don’t have an ulterior motive with Joel, that you’re not hoping to change him.”

I sighed and glanced around, worried about Joel walking up on this conversation. “Okay, yes, that would be nice, but I’m not holding my breath for it anymore. I’m enjoying right now. I’m done thinking about the future. That’s way too stressful.”

The last week and a half with Joel had been amazing. We’d seen each other every day and spent nearly every night with each other. Only our work schedules had gotten in the way of us going to movies, dining out, cooking in, and… well, doing other things.

It was one of the best times of my life, and I was being honest with Marilyn. Some confirmation about the future would be nice, but Joel had been clear: he wasn’t looking for a relationship.

I could live with that for now, because it had been so long since I’d felt this good. I just wanted to let all my expectations go and be happy for once.

“What about when he dumps you?” Marilyn asked.

I crossed my arms. “What if I end it first?”

She laughed out loud, like I had said the funniest thing in the world. “Okay.” I grit my teeth. “It could happen.”

Marilyn sighed and leaned forward. “Look, Katie, I know you think I’m being hard on you, but… okay, well I am. But you need it. I’m just looking out for you.”

I relaxed my jaw and dropped my defenses. “I know you are, and thank you.”

Marilyn relaxed back in her chair. “I do believe you. About you wanting to just enjoy now and forget about the future. But I also know you, and I don’t think that will make you happy long-term.”

“I’m tired of putting long-term happiness first.”

“Fair enough.” She raised her sunglasses and squinted and something down the sidewalk. “Here he comes.”

Butterflies fluttered through my chest. “How do I look?”

She grinned. “Do you realize how many times you’ve asked me that in the last hour? Once again, amazing. You’re drop-dead gorgeous.”

I wasn’t sure about that. Knowing that Joel could get much hotter women than me—and no doubt had—made me question everything about my appearance. He seemed to think I was nothing but beautiful, as the compliments about my looks and body never stopped.

But still, I couldn’t help the insecure voice in my head. “Good morning,” a deep, smooth voice said.

I stood and turned to Joel. With his appearance, the LA sun somehow shone ever brighter.

“Hi,” I breathed.

He grinned at me. “Hello.”

I stood there awkwardly, not knowing how to interact when we were around someone else. Should we kiss? Hug?

Joel broke the tension by kissing me on the cheek and smoothing his hand across my lower back. The euphoria it brought was enough for me to coast on for months.

Marilyn stood. “Hi, I’m Marilyn Moon.”

“Oh!” I squeaked. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“It’s all right.” Joel accepted Marilyn’s extended hand. “Joel. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Marilyn cut her gaze to me. “Oh, yeah?”

“Katie says you’re the best acupuncturist in LA. That you completely cured her headaches.”

“Haven’t had one in months,” I said, pleased that Joel hadn’t automatically brought up Marilyn’s famous parents. She still constantly lived in their shadows, and while she acted like it wasn’t a big deal, I knew it had to bother her.

“I do what I can,” Marilyn said. “She’s talked about you too. I know tons.”

The way she said it, it almost sounded like a threat. I glared at her from over Joel’s shoulder, but she ignored me.

“Are you coming with us to the movies?” Joel asked.

Marilyn waved her hand. “Oh, no. I have a few clients to get to.” “That’s too bad. Next time, maybe.”

“Maybe.” She gave him a smile that could only be interpreted as fake. There was an awkward silence.

I cleared my throat. “We should probably start walking, if we want to make it in time.”

“Of course.” Joel stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Good to meet you, Marilyn.”

“You, too.” She gave me a hug. “Really?” I whispered in her ear.

“Someone has to do it,” she whispered back.

I released her and she blew me a kiss. “See you later.”

Grabbing my empty coffee cup, I tossed it in a trash can and started walking. “Thanks for meeting me down here.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

We walked in silence for a few seconds. The movie theater was only a block away, and I was looking forward to not being able to talk, I felt so awkward.

A week and a half. Ten days. That’s how long Joel and I had been seeing each other for. In that time, we’d had lots of fun but no serious conversations.

It was pointless to ask where he saw our relationship going, because we both knew the answer. Nowhere.

Marilyn was right. This would hurt in the end. “What are you thinking?” Joel asked.

I considered how best to answer.

“How much fun I’ve been having with you,” I finally said. He grinned. “I’ve been having fun, too.”

Fun. That’s all we were.

There was no love here. No dedication. No trust.

I wasn’t a hundred percent okay with that, but the thought of letting Joel go made me feel like I was being ripped to shreds. I hadn’t felt this good in… ever.

I would be a crazy person to give that up just because it would likely end one day.

“How is Daniel?” I asked, steering the conversation into less volatile territory.

“He’s good. He’s been looking for jobs.” “So that means he’s staying here long-term?”

“Maybe… but not in my place. I’m helping him get an apartment.” “That’s great.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

We fell into another silence. Was he feeling all the unspoken words that I was? The difference being that he likely wanted to keep everything stuffed away.

“And how is work?” I asked. “Work is good. You?” “Good, good.”

We had arrived in front of the movie theater. Joel turned to me. “Do you not want to do this?”

I blinked at him. “Go to the movie? Yeah, I do. I want to see—”

“I’m not talking about the movie. I’m talking about…” He gestured between the two of us. “This.”

I nearly choked on my breath. “I want to. Do you?” His eyes were impossible to read. “Yes. I do.”

I swallowed hard. “Good.”

“What I said that night at my house… about not wanting more than this…” I didn’t recall him ever saying those exact words, but I knew what he meant.

“I know,” I said. “I know that you don’t want more than this.”

His throat rolled with a swallow. “Exactly. I love what we have going.” “Me too.”

Dinner, laughter, nights spent together and Sunday mornings sleeping in. What we were doing was great.

But if those things didn’t constitute a relationship, what did?

I supposed the thing that Joel really wanted was freedom. He wanted to be able to leave our situation at any point without feeling guilty.

Which was weird, because he wouldn’t need to feel guilty about leaving an official relationship. If one person wasn’t happy in a relationship, they had every right to leave it.

So what was it that really freaked him out? The word “relationship?” It seemed so dumb.

I could call him out on it. Start another conversation that would probably turn into a fight.

And what would be the point? A spat like that would end us. These good times would be over, and I wasn’t willing to let go of them yet.

Even if, like Marilyn believed, my pain was inevitable. When this fling did end, it would hurt big time.

But I wasn’t there yet. Right here and now I was walking into a movie with a handsome, smart man.

“Want to share some popcorn?” I asked.