Chapter 17 — Katina

When morning comes, I wake up entangled in Marco's embrace. The scent of our passion is thick in the air, and there is no mistaking what has happened the night before. I feel a sense of regret wash over me, filling my heart with guilt and shame.

I know that what has happened between us cannot be undone, but the knowledge that Marco and I were only supposed to be pretending to be mates leaves me feeling unsettled. The mating dance had been fiery and passionate, and we both succumbed to the intense emotions it created within us. Marco and I should have known better.

The dance brought us together in a way that neither of us could have imagined, igniting a flame that had been kept dormant for far too long. But now, in the cold light of a new day, the reality of our situation hits me hard. I am pregnant with another Alpha's pup, and Marco is not my true mate.

As much as I enjoyed being in his arms, I know that it cannot last. I try to disentangle myself quietly, not wanting to wake Marco. But as I move, he stirs and tightens his embrace around me. His warmth and scent envelop me, and a small part of me wants to stay, to forget about everything and bask in the afterglow of our passion.

But I can't.

Marco and I made a deal, and I have to honor that, no matter how much my heart and body may yearn for him. I don’t think I can allow myself to go through the lost I’ve experienced before. Gently, I extract myself from Marco's embrace, trying not to wake him.

I dress quickly and quietly, not wanting to attract attention, but as I turn to leave, I stop dead in my tracks.

Marco is awake, his gaze fixed squarely on me, his dark eyes filled with a mix of emotions ranging from love to confusion, and hope.

"Good morning," he says softly, his lips tipping up into a smile that makes my heart ache for him, and what can never be.

I try to keep my tone neutral as I reply, "Good morning."

There is a moment of awkward silence between us, and I know I have to be the one to speak, to set things straight between us.

"Marco, about last night..." I say, trailing off.

"I know," he replies, his voice barely above a whisper. "I know we were only supposed to be pretending, but I couldn't help what I felt. I know it is wrong, but I can't deny the way you make me feel."

I feel a tug at my heartstrings. What he's saying is true; I can still feel it too. But the reality of our situation cannot be ignored.

"Marco, I'm pregnant with another Alpha's pup," I say, trying to keep my emotions in check.

"I know." His eyes flicker with pain. "I know I have no right to feel what I do, but I can't help it. Katina, I care for you, deeply.”

I feel a tear slip down my cheek, and I quickly wipe it away. Marco's words touch me deeply, but I know that I cannot allow myself to be drawn in by them. “That’s the bond talking Marco,” I say, shaking my head. “You are still feeling its effects.”

“I’ve cared about you since the moment I’ve met you Katina, and that hasn’t changed. The bond has only intensified what I’ve been feeling but denying for so…”

"Marco please,” I plead, hating the tremble in my voice as I cut him off. “We can't do this, you know that as well as I do. We are only pretending to be mates until your true mate arrives. I just can’t do this.”

There is a moment of tense silence between us, before Marco sighs heavily and I know that I have won this argument for now. From the little I know of him, I know that Marco won’t let this go. But at least for now, he is willing to see it my way.

The idea of giving into this attraction we feel towards each other and then losing him when his real mate comes along hurts more than words can ever express.

I turn and walk away, feeling like I have lost a part of myself with each step I take further away from Marco’s den.

The reality of our situation is hard to swallow, but I have to do what’s best for myself because in the end, Marco will have a mate to turn back to whereas I’ll have no one but my pup to love unconditionally. I say a silent prayer to the Moon Goddess, asking for her guidance and strength to see me through the difficult times that lie ahead.

My heart feels heavy as I walk through the pack lands, trying to push aside the pain I feel and focus on my task as their Luna–at least that is something I am exceptional at.

I was introduced to them during the ceremony last night, yet there are still some who seem reluctant to trust me or to accept me as their new Luna, and that is something I have to change. I understand their hesitation. They have known Marco for years, and most of them have only seen me for the first time yesterday. Loyalty is crucial in every pack and I haven’t earned their trust or loyalty. But I am determined to prove myself, no matter how difficult the task may be.

***

I spend the next few hours talking to various members of the pack, trying to become familiar with them, and looking for ways to help them. However, many of them keep me at arm’s length, unwilling to reveal their true selves to me. I try to put myself in their shoes, to understand their hesitancy. After all, they don’t know me, and they may feel loyal to someone else. But I also know that I have a duty to them, to protect them and guide them as their new Luna, even if it’s just for a while.

As I walk through the pack, I notice some of the wolves giving me sidelong glances. I try to ignore them and focus on my task, but it becomes increasingly hard as the day wears on. I have to prove that I am worthy of being their Luna, that I can lead them and make them feel safe and protected. Despite my efforts, I am still met with skepticism and hesitation. Some of the pack members openly question my loyalty, and I know that I have to do something to prove them wrong.

But, how do I do that?

Is it even worth the effort I’m trying to put in, when all of this is for show? When none of it is real?

The sun has set already when I make my way back to the den I share with Marco. The ache in my heart intensifies the closer I get to the den, making me pause to catch my breath. All day long, I haven’t thought about how Marco and I will move forward with whatever is going on between us, but now that I’m back here, all I can think about is how much I need him and how much I don’t want to lose him.

What in the moons is going on with me?

Earlier, I thought the bond the dance has created between us is the reason for Marco’s denial, but what if it isn’t?

What if I am the one in denial?