Chapter 92 His painting
>>Amara
I was the first one back and so the only one who sat there with a blank canvas in the open field. I had the canvas on an aisle and I sat on the artist's stool with the paintbrush in one hand and the paint palette in the other.
The canvas stretched before me, and I stared at the blank expanse that had yet to absorb the depths of my emotions. My palette was a swirl of colors, each hue representing a facet of the emotions that swirled within me, which was filled with a tumultuous storm of love, longing, and vulnerability.
I stared at the canvas for a while. I was going to paint my mate and I needed to calm my emotions before I started because a lot was going on in my mind and even more in my heart.
I took a deep breath and looked down beside the aisle. There was another stool on which I had set my sketchbook, with the page with Killian's sketch open, along with the oil cups to wash my paintbrush.
I gulped, then pressed my paintbrush in the paint and let out a deep exhale with my eyes closed. At the end of my long breath, I opened my eyes and started my work.
With every brushstroke, I poured my feelings onto the canvas. The scene I painted was a reflection of the moments we had shared—the way his eyes had met mine, the way he came running to my aid, the way he poured all of his strength to save my life.
I was scared when I was attacked but a big part of me knew Killian was going to come to my aid and he didn't disappoint me. And I'm sure that because he came to me, I didn't let the fear consume me and I was also able to sketch him.
There is no other scenario where it would have been possible otherwise.
Killian killed the tiger and as I remembered the scene, I felt goosebumps erupt on my body but I didn't stop working. A connection had grown between us, but my doubts still remained. I have always wanted something that would transcend my muteness and any doubts I had held and being near Killian has wavered my heart.
I feel like he truly wouldn't care about what the people will say.
The colors I chose were rich and vibrant, reflecting the intensity of my emotions. The sky above the scene was a tapestry of warm oranges and pinks, while it was also the view of the scene, it was also a metaphor for the feelings he brought into my life. The forest around him burst with life while he stood tall and confident.
I do feel that he isn't bothered by the fact that I can't speak. He's even learned how to sign. Alpha werewolves, and those from the elite class don't normally do this. So while it's safe to assume he might have done that for me, I also don't want to delude myself...
My heart squeezed in delight mixed with doubts and anxiety.
As I painted, I lost myself in the depth of my feelings, my brush moving with a fluidity that mirrored the mix of want and longing that flowed through my heart. The strokes were both gentle and passionate.
Since the first time I saw him, I've wanted him. The first time when we met outside the Alpha Academy. When our eyes met, my heart jumped in excitement and I wanted to be in his arms but rational thoughts were faster and I noticed that he was from the Alpha Academy, which meant he belonged to the Elite class werewolves who don't think much of people below them.
So I left, and so I wanted to forget him.
As the scene on the canvas began to take shape, a realization crept up on me—the intensity of my emotions had spilled over, and I felt a tear slide down my cheek. It was an unbidden expression of the feelings that filled me that I had poured into the artwork.
I continued to paint, my vision slightly blurred by the tears that welled in my eyes. The scene was a catharsis of emotion, a release of the love and vulnerability that I had felt but had also struggled with.
I washed my brush in the oil cup, then continued to scoop the paint with my paintbrush and bring my canvas to life as I sniffled.
I was struggling. There was so much pain in me, mixed with so much longing, I felt my chest squeeze.
I hope that I can find my peace. I hope to find my answers too!
I hope that all the things Killian has said to me are true!
The tears fell freely now, each one a testament to the intensity of my feelings, a silent acknowledgment of the love that had taken root in my heart. My wolf howled in pain with me. She wanted nothing more than for us to be with our mate but I wanted security as well.
I grew up without the love of my father while seeing the isolation of my mother.
From the shadows, I would see my father and his wife along with my sister at one side. While on the other, I saw my mom in a cabin, always waiting for my dad to come visit her.
Just like me, she doesn't have a voice and I've always feared I'd end up like her. I grew up with that fear and I always thought in my mind that I won't ever go near an Alpha werewolf
I pursed my lips
But then I met Killian.
My heart trembled at my feelings and so did my hand but I didn't stop. I had been at it for hours now and I wanted to finish the painting no matter what.
I had to finish it today because I have to leave this place. I was feeling suffocated and I needed air.
I've always lived in fear. I've lived with doubts and I've lived in a lot of isolation because people were never comfortable around me.
And yet I hope, no, I want Killian. I want to believe his words, I'm dying to believe him! I'm dying to throw all my doubts away and run into his arms and kiss him.
I took a deep shaky breath as I felt my cheeks wet.
I want to be happy with him.
As I stepped back from the canvas, the scene was complete, a visual representation of my feelings. And as I looked upon it, tears continued to flow, each one a drop of emotion that had found its expression through art.
I stared at the painting I had brought to life and in that painting stood my wolf. My mate who had conquered a fight.
I gulped
And I wish to conquer mine.
I smiled
Hmmm?
When I was done, I finally noticed the dark clouds forming in the sky. The wind made the green leaves and the lush grass sway powerfully and I stared at the sky.
It's going to rain soon, isn't it?
I started packing my things
"It's time I leave this place," I whispered to myself as the wind caught speed around me, "I have things I need to do."