Chapter 21: Epilogue [David's POV]

Author's Note: Hello, this is the last part of Tamizen (Les Tendres #3) take note that the Les Tendres Series is just a series of novellas which means they are all short stories so please don't wonder why the events are moving too fast. See you in Les Tendres #4, Darell & Kahel's story! The title is Fajarez.

Thank you for your time and congratulations for finishing this short story! :) Love lots.

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"That's two thousand pesos. You know how to pay to the cashier now, right? You're nine year old now, David. You're really a grown up now. Binatilyo na ang anak ko."

Tipid akong ngumiti kay mama. I accepted the two thousand peso bill she gave me before giving her a kiss on her cheeks.

Tumalikod ako para umalis na pero malakas ang aking pakiramdam na aalis na siya kaya agad akong huminto at tumingin sa aking likuran. Tama nga aking hinala dahil pagkalingon ko ay paakyat na ito sa taas ng kwarto niya marahil para mag-impake. "Ma, please don't go..."

She stopped. She hurriedly ran to me then hugged me tight. She held both of my cheeks and kissed my forehead. "I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry baby... I-I need to... I can't take it anymore... I'm sorry..." Sunod-sunod na tumulo ang luha niya habang patuloy na humihingi ng tawad.

It's always like that.

I grew up in a violent household. My dad always beat my mom. In the Philippines, we don't have divorce yet so my mom had no choice but to leave our house or else she might die because of father's violent behavior. He doesn't hurt me, thinking I would be his business empire's heir someday and he trusts me.

Every first day of the month, my mom comes back to see me secretly. It's also the time where my father leaves our house to work so they don't see each other. As she usually does, mom gives me the two thousand peso bill to pay for my tuition fee.

My father owns the Tamizen International School. He doesn't want everyone to know that I'm his son, so whenever somebody asks me if we're related, I say he's my uncle. Just like how he asked me to say so.

Months went by and things slowly changed. Before, mom visits me even just one time a month. But now, she barely even visits.

"M-Mom, where are you? I miss you!" I smiled while my dad's phone is on my hand.

"David! How are you? I'm fine."

"I'm not fine, mommy. Please go home. I miss you so much! Dad doesn't help me doing my assignments. I might fail..." I sadly said.

I heard a sigh on the other line. "I won't come back there anymore, David."

"Why?"

"I have something good to tell you... I'm pregnant." She announced. "You're having a baby sister now..."

That's where everything falls apart.

She doesn't visit me anymore.

She became a mom to another child but not to me. It felt like I was no longer their child anymore.

Ang binibigay niya sa aking dalawang libo na noon ay nagiging dahilan ng pagkikita namin, ipinapamigay niya na lang sa kasambahay namin dito sa bahay.

I feel empty.

I do my assignments alone. They wonder why the hell I'm always angry at everything without a reason but it's because I'm fucking sad but I can't do anything but to focus on my studies because if not, I'll end up inheriting my father's company. My father who doesn't even glance at me.

I entered the fifth grade in elementary school. That's when they start calling me troublemaker. I am not. I only do that when they piss me off completely.

I was on sixth grade when I saw my mom again after a year and a half. I was happy that time because the day after that is when I'll be getting my certificate and medal for academic achievement.

I expected something new.

But I guess expecting is equivalent to disappointment.

"You need to choose, David. I will try my best to get you out of here kahit magpatayan pa kami ng ama mo. Choose me, nak... Please..." My mom pleaded.

Parang sasabog na ang utak ko kakaisip kung ano ang gagawin ko.

Same day, my dad hugged me for the first time. I wished to freeze that moment. But I remembered the reality...

"I will not hurt you, son... You know that. Don't choose your mother who's a psychopath."

Kukunin ko na sana ang award ko noong araw na 'yon pero dinala ako ng ama ko sa kung saan. Court. To fight for the custody.

Someone asked me, he's wearing a black robe and he's holding a brown hammer. I heard a woman call him 'judge'. He asked me who would I choose.

I never answered. I just broke down there and I never stopped crying because I don't want to choose between them. I don't want to choose one. I choose both of them.

Life is not perfect but as a child, I only wanted peace.

Tanging sa mga kaibigan ko lamang ako nakahanap ng pansamantalang kapayapaan.

I ended up staying with my father. Even we talked about everything on the court together with my mother, he still managed to keep me a secret to everyone. Like I am someone he should be ashamed of.

Since he doesn't want to get involved with me and he doesn't want everyone to know that I'm his child, I always put mom on my emergency contact for my identification card. So everytime I cause trouble, she'll go to the school just to talk to me.

"What did you do again, David? The next time you do this again, I will never go back here anymore! I'm taking care of your little sister! Don't you care about her? If you want to ruin your life by causing trouble like your dad, continue doing this until you get expelled!"

I didn't cry, I just stared at her. I'm holding back my tears. I can't cry. My father told me crying is a weakness. Now I understand what he means, my mother is a psychopath.

That's what I believed.

I never got the peace I wanted. I'm always looking for trouble because I can't find that peace.

It was the first day of the month when I received the two thousand peso bill.

Noong araw na 'yon, nakatanggap din kami ng imbitasyon mula sa isang private school. Isang private school na pangit ang reputasyon dahil sa burara nitong mga tagapamahala.

"Bakit kaya tayo inimbitahan?" Jarmin asked.

"Maybe because we used to be varsity players..." Cadmus answered. "David, too. He's currently studying here till now."

Imbitasyon para makilahok sa intramurals. Tanging kami lang ang pinayagang outsiders dahil imbitado nga kami.

Unang araw pa lang ng aking paglalaro roon nang mahagip ng aking mga mata ang isang babaeng maliit ang mukha. I bet she's petite, I can already tell that even she's far. She has olive toned skin and a medium sized lips. Mapungay ang kanyang mga mata. Her hair was slightly wavy. She's also wearing the school's PE uniform.

She's playing volleyball.

Kumunot ang aking noo nang pagkahampas niya sa bola ay dumiretso ito sa taas. Hindi ko napigilang matawa. Maging ako ay nahihiya sa ginagawa niya. Bakit pa siya sumali sa intrams kung ganyan lang ang kaya niyang gawin?

Umiling-iling na lamang ako para sana makapagpokus na sa aking paglalaro ng basketball. Magkatabi lang kasi ang laro namin kaya nakikita ko siya.

Narinig ko ang sigaw ni Jarmin mula sa aking likuran. Saktong pagkaharap ko ay tumama sa mukha ko ang matigas na bola. Sa lakas ng impact no'n ay napahiga ako sa sahig. Narinig ko ang pagkakagulo ng mga manonood.

Who the hell did that? Fucking clumsy.

Nang mahagip ng mata ko ang maliit na puwang sa gitna ng mga tao, natanaw ko ang babaeng hindi marunong magvolleyball na hindi malaman ang gagawin. Siya ang gumawa no'n sa akin!

Kahit sanay na akong masapak sa mukha dahil mahilig akong makipag-away, aaminin kong masakit talaga ang pagtama ng bola na 'yon sa mukha ko. Gustong-gusto kong suntukin ang gumawa no'n sa akin pero babae ang gumawa kaya hindi ko mapatulan.

My anger issues could never.

I never saw her again two days after that. Until that day when she did that embarrassing moment that changed my life.

Nakatulala lang ako roon sa perang nasa bowl. Sa tingin niya pa lang sa akin ay nanlulumo na siya. Maging ako ay parang umakyat sa ulo ko lahat ng dugo sa aking katawan.

Nagulat ako nang bigla siyang tumakbo palayo. Napakamot ako ng tenga. Guess I need to ask for money again or take my saved money in my piggy bank.

Nakaisip ako ng ideya, ayaw ko siyang singilin. Pero dahil kailangan ko pang bawasan ang ipon ko dahil sa ginawa niya, naisip ko siyang konsensyahin para kainin siya ng hiya.

Napakasungit ng babaeng ito! Sa unang tingin ay hindi mo aakalain na may attitude dahil sa maamo nitong mukha, para kang nakatingin sa anghel. Para kang nakahiga sa damuhan sa paraiso tapos nakahiga siya sa harapan mo habang nakatukod sa sahig ang braso at peace tumatawa.

Tuwang-tuwa talaga ako sa kanya, hindi ko alam pero I find her challenging. I felt the amusement I never felt before.

Pauwi na sana ako nang maisip ko siya noong araw na 'yon. Dala ko ang motor kong pasimple kong kinuha sa parking lot ng bahay namin. Hindi naman siguro ito ginagamit ni Papa kaya ito ang kinuha ko.

Hanap ako nang hanap sa kanya pero hindi ko siya makita. Baka naman nakauwi na? Mabuti naman kung ganoon.

Pinaandar ko ang motor, hanggang sa may nakita akong isang tricycle. Nag-iisa lang 'yon at kakaalis lang dahil malapit-lapit pa. Pagabi na at si Lynelle lang ang una kong naisip dahil siya ang huli kong kasama.

It's the gut feeling... I have a bad feeling about this.

Sinundan ko 'yon, hanggang sa mapansin ko ang pamilyar na bag na nakausli roon sa passenger seat. Kumunot ang noo ko. I'm pretty sure that's Lynelle's bag.

Ang plano ko lang ay sundan siya dahil curious ako kung saan siya nakatira. Pero nang makita ko ang mukha nung driver noong saglit itong tumingin sa akin palikod ay kinabahan agad ako.

That fucker again? Ilang beses ko na 'yang sinapak at dinala sa pulisya last year pero hanggang ngayon ay nagbabalak pa rin siyang pagsamantalahan ang mga babae. Lalo na ang mga estudyante.

Binilisan ko ang takbo ng aking motor at hinarang siya.

That day Lynelle's attitude towards me changed. I really thought she'll stay like that but I was wrong. After days, she acted the same again. She never knew and I don't have any plans to tell her that I love stalking her, it might sound creepy but I love seeing her walk.

We became friends... Or maybe I thought. On and off, we don't even have a relationship.

Lynelle is a very practical person, I never knew she's being abused by her family too. What made me mad even more is when I found out she got sexually abused.

"David, me and your mom are in good terms now." Ani dad.

Umuwi ako sa bahay para magpalit saglit ng damit. Natapunan kasi ako ng kape kanina. Wala akong baon kaya nagmotor ako pabalik para magpalit.

"Yeah?" I sarcastically said.

"We made a decision, we're going to States. You'll study Business there."

Sabi na, e. "I don't want to." I said and lit up the cigarette to smoke but he immediately moved it away from my lips using his filthy fingers. "What now? I thought you hate me?" Walang ganang tanong ko.

"Don't disrespect me, David. You're my son."

"Son?" I scoffed and laughed a little. "You're calling me your 'son'? And disrespect? We're talking about disrespect now? Whenever you disrespect me it's fine because I'm just your son but when I disrespect you, that's so wrong?"

His eyes were bloodshot. I can already see what will happen next.

"Study there or I will never consider you as my son again."

"I like the second one. Is there anything else you need to say? I'm leaving. I have a lot to do instead of arguing with you." susunduin ko pa si Lynelle ngayon. Panalo siya sa volleyball game nila kanina. Sabi ko'y ililibre ko siya.

Doon siya talagang nagalit. Kinuha niya ang kwelyo ko at agad akong sinuntok. I laughed as a tear suddenly touched my skin. I don't know why I'm tearing up, I'm not sad anymore because I'm used to this.

"You'll study business on States."

"I hate business." mahina kong sabi. "I want to study Law, do you know why? Because I can't fucking stand people like you, parents like you, who only thinks of their children as something they own or someone they could benefit to in the future. I despise all of you."

I can't even fix myself...

Gusto ko siyang ligawan, kating-kati na talaga akong gumawa ng move sa kanya. Lalo na kapag nakikita ko siyang nakangiti! Pero kailangan ko 'yong pigilan dahil hindi pa kami tapos ng highschool. Pero kaunti na lang, one year na lang. Wala pa nga akong kayang patunayan sa kanya, eh...

Siya 'yung naunang nagconfess, tapos nireject ko. Ngayon ay napapakiramdaman ko na rin na ire-reject niya na agad ako bago pa man ako makaamin lalo na't hindi ko na siya gaanong nakikita pagka-graduate namin ng highschool.

Akala ko ay iniiwasan niya ako. Sinubukan ko siyang dalawin sa bahay nila pero ang sinasabi lang sa akin ng mama niya ay nasa probinsya ito. Hindi ako naniniwala roon.

"Si Lynelle po, nakauwi na po ba?"

"Hindi pa, hijo..."

Bullshit.

"Alis na, David..."

Kasabay ng pagbagsak ng luha't balikat ko ay pagbagsak ng mundo ko. Ni-hindi pa nga kami nakakapagsimula, hindi ko pa nga siya naliligawan tapos pinapaalis niya na ako.

"Huwag mo na akong kakausapin ulit, tama na..." She cried.

Hindi ako makapagfocus sa mga reviewers ko para sa entrance exam. Napakabigat sa pakiramdam. Sobra.

May problema kaya sa bahay nila?

Ang pangarap ko lang ay maging successful para mailayo ko siya sa bahay na 'yon, mabigyan ng hustisya ang ginawa sa kanya ng gagong 'yon tsaka pakasalan siya.

Fuck. I felt like I was going to die in silence because of the crickets in my head. Even the crickets keeps telling me I shouldn't give up.

She made the first move, I'll do the rest until my last breath.

Pinangako ko sa sarili kong ipapasa ko ang exam at magtatapos ako para patunayan sa mga magulang kong kaya kong mag-isa, hindi ko na kailangan ang tulong nila.

I found home in myself, I found home with her.

Bumibili ako ng fishball sa isang vendor nang makasalubong ko ang kaibigan niyang si Jarell. Kumaway ito sa iba pang kaibigan ni Lychie bago tumingin sa direksyon ko. Kumaway siya agad sa akin at lumapit.

"Uy! Ngayon lang kita nakita ulit ah."

"Oo nga eh... Gusto mo bang kumain?" Tinuro ko ang binebentang street foods ng vendor.

Umiling siya. "Kakakain ko lang. Walang gana si Lychie kaya ako lang din ang kumain nung pagkaing dala ko. Hays... Papunta ka ba roon ngayon?"

"Saan?" Tanong ko agad.

"Hospital?" patanong niyang sagot.

"Hospital? Jarell, do you know any reason why Lychie is acting like that these past few days?"

"Intindihin mo na lang... Maging kami naaawa sa kanya dahil pati mood niya naaapektuhan dahil sa sakit niya. Ang sakit talaga tingnan, 'no?" Malungkot niyang sabi. "Fuck cancer." Agad na tumunog ang kanyang cellphone, she excused herself and left.

Cancer?

Kinabahan agad ako sa salitang 'yon.

And then I found out about it from Brelenn.

"Man, I found out something. I noticed that you're silent these past few weeks. I know you're thinking about her so I asked Jarell what's going on then I found out..."

"What?" I curiously asked.

"She has breast cancer."

Pakiramdam ko ay nanlamig ang buong katawan ko sa balitang iyon.

So she left me because she's worried what I might think.

Sinubukan kong puntahan siya pero talagang ayaw akong papasukin ng mga magulang niya. Even though I don't like them, I will never disrespect someone especially it's her parents. I just hope they'll take care of her.

Nakatunog ako mula kay Kahel na pupunta sila sa ibang bansa para pasayahin siya dahil ngayon ay hindi na raw ito makausap at hindi na ngumingiti.

"I want money."

Nilunok ko ang pride ko, gustong gusto ko na siyang makita. I miss her so fucking much and I hate crying every night thinking what's happening to her. Maybe she thinks I wasn't there. I really wasn't, physically. But she's always in my heart. Gusto ko siyang gumaling at makita. I need to swallow my pride for it. I will do it without second thinking.

God... I hope you guide my girl. Please don't take her happiness away from her... I'll take her sorrows, please.

"I never expected you to do this." My dad laughed on what he said. "For what are you using the money for? Let me guess... For your girl? Akala ko ba, magkaibigan lang kayo? Tell me, David... Why would you stay with that poor woman? What's so special about her--"

"Leave her alone, Fernando." Matigas kong sabi. It was the first time I called her using that name. I don't want to call him my dad and I don't want to call him by his surname because it's also mine. I never wished for that surname.

"You know what to do, David. Disappear in my life completely. I will not just grant this favor for you. I will also give you enough money to start a family with that girl. Just think of it as an advance congratulatory gift for your wedding."

I gritted my teeth. I hate being this guy's son.

I wasn't happy. My friends keep asking me why I can't focus on my studies, some of them even finished college but I'm still waiting for her. Even she left me hanging for years.

What did I do to deserve this pain? But I'm glad this is the pain He chose to give me because even she's the pain I'll be enduring forever, I don't care. She is my happiness, my comfort, my home, my beautiful... beautiful Lychie. I miss you so much.

I didn't bother to visit her anymore, I want to give her space. Secretly, I would ask her parents for her pictures. I'm glad they're in good terms now.

I want to be a lawyer. That's what she wanted to be. And since she can't do it, I will do it for her. I will make her proud. Not just because I got the job she wanted, I want to give her the justice she deserves.

Since my friend wanted to be there, I asked him to come with me to that country.

And then I saw her there again. After five years.

She cried the first time she saw me again after years, she said she was so embarrassed. I said, "sweetheart, you're the only woman who could take my breath away just with your glance and that will never change."

Nothing changed, she's still the same woman who makes me want to cry in front of her just because I'm thankful she exist. She's my light when I'm in a dark place and my happiness whenever I'm sad. I asked for home in my parents, turns out God's greatest gift to me is both home and family to only one person.

It feels so good back home again.

Hope.

Our lives may not be perfect, but I'll make sure after all the hardships she has been through, I'll be her light like she is to me. Her hope when she can't find any. The one who'll admire her even our skin starts to be wrinkled.

Even with that, my Lychie would still be the most beautiful human I've always be thankful of.

She's now hugging me, cuddling me in the middle of the cold night. She's in my arms. And even sleeping, I can still see her little smile. I'm glad she's happy when she's with me.

"Marami na akong napatunayan, Lychie... At marami pa akong papatunayan sa 'yo." Ngumiti ako at hinalikan ang ilong niya. "Kaya na kitang iuwi. Hindi na sa malungkot na bahay niyo, sa sarili na nating bahay... Wala nang mananakit sa 'yo, pangako ko 'yan, Lychie ko."

Why wonder if I would stay when I always belong here with you, Lychie? This is my home, you are my home. How can I leave you when you're the home I forever would want to stay?

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LES TENDRES #3 [SERIES]

Tamizen (If You Would Stay)

No more pages to turn, the end.

See you on Les Tendres #4: Fajarez (Him And His Superficial Love) Kahel and Darell's story.

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FAQ'S (Frequently Asked Questions)

Haha, dahil hindi ako makasagot sa tanong niyo sa comment section ay dito ko sasagutin ang ilang tanong niyo.

• Where did you get Darell's name? It's a unique name here in the Philippines. (From LTS #4: Fajarez)

- may kaibigan po akong Darell noon.

• Are there any updates for Raedwald: Dominant Passion's English version?

- I will be writing it after I finish the whole Les Tendres Series.

• Bakit maraming ads?

- hindi ko po alam kay Readoo. Wala pong kinalaman ang authors sa advertisements ni Readoo (pero baka po sweldo na rin nung ibang writers na kumikita rito)

• Totoo po ba si Cadmus at Darell?

- hindi po hahahaha. pero lahat po ng character ko is based sa totoong tao. si darell po ang isa sa mga kaibigan ko at nagustuhan ko siya noon. si david ay boyfriend ng kaibigan ko. secret iyong iba hahaha

• Where can I read your other stories?

- kung hindi po ako magpost dito, sa Wattpad niyo po ako hanapin. aDuressa lang po ang username ko at never iyong magbabago. Pwede niyo rin akong maka-kwentuhan sa Facebook. ADuressa WP ang name ko roon.

Iyon lang muna!

Comment your questions below so I can answer them in the future and you'll get a chance to be featured in my stories as a side character. :)

- aDuressa.