Chapter 43: 43: The Unsung Hero

O N E   Y E A R   L A T E R

SOMEWHERE IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN

\[ R Y D E R \]

I heard somewhere that before you die, you would see your whole life flash before your eyes.

I think I just saw that.

There were bits and pieces of everything in my life. I saw flashes of memories of playing with my mother when I was young. I saw the first day of elementary school, the day when we found out my mom got sick, the day I won my first surf championship, that night I went drinking cheap beers with my buddies at the beach, and then there was Kara.

I remembered seeing her smile. We were sitting at our secret beach, watching the stars, and she gave me this smile that was so perfect, I swear she had melted my brains out.

Then I remembered the first time we met, she was standing in front of my garage. Her chocolate brown hair was blowing gently in the wind, and she just looked at me, not saying a word. But her soft lips were slightly parted, and I suddenly got curious as to how her lips would taste against mine.

I remembered the night of the fireworks. Her eyes shone like crystals when she reached for my face and we kissed.

I remembered the night when we first made love. I knew it was her first time, but what she didn't know was, it was also my first time. Sure, I had fucked or had sex with other girls before, but that was the first time I had ever made love.

I remembered I was so nervous. I didn't want to hurt her. I wanted to give her the experience of a lifetime. Maybe I was being selfish, but I wanted her to remember me until the end of time.

I wonder if she still remembers me?

It had been a year now since I left New York City. That day had to be one of the worst days of my life, if not the worst. At the last seconds when I was with her, all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss her one last time. But I knew I wouldn't be able to leave if I did it, so I didn't kiss her. And to this day, I still wondered if I had made the right choice.

For the past year, I had been living my life as a lone wolf, or a nomad they called it. I traveled around, mostly in South America, and I never stayed in one place for too long. I made my money out of surfing contests or other surfing-related jobs. It wasn't much, but I never needed much.

Kara and I, we hadn't seen each other again since. But we did communicate. About three months after I left, one night I woke up after I had dreamt about her. I just missed her so much. So I sent her a text: "hi". Not long after that, she replied "hi". And to me, that was so much more than enough, so I didn't text anything back.

A few months later, I was thinking about her again, so I sent her another text: "h". Yup, just that one letter. She replied back, "h". I grinned so wide at that response. Really, that was more than enough for me.

A few weeks ago, I sent another text: "." Just a dot. She replied back, but she sent a comma sign instead. That was the most precious text I had ever received.

That was the last of our communication up to date. I actually wrote letters, 'Letters to K' I called it. And of course, those were letters I'd never send. I wonder if she'd ever find it now...

Well, you must be wondering why I was telling you all this. The answer to that would be... well, it was because I was dying.

Early this morning, I went out to surf, just like I always did. It was just a normal day, like any other day. The waves were good, the water was glassy. It was all just fine and dandy, until suddenly, out came this gigantic tidal wave. I tried to ride it out, but the changing currents and strong winds pushed me further and further away from the shore. I knew not to panic, I kept my cool. I paddled and dove back towards the shore, but the rip current was too strong. I would have tried to call for help, except there was no one around.

The current kept pulling me further and further away, and no matter how hard I tried to fight back, it was no use. It was so bad, it got to the point where my paddling was ineffective, but I was just doing it to keep myself warm.

I was no amateur in the world of surfing. I knew my weather and my currents, but that tidal wave was totally unexpected.

So if anyone was wondering where I am right now… Well, I am in the middle of the Pacific fucking ocean.

I was stranded and all alone, in the middle of fucking nowhere. The shore was nowhere to be seen. It was just my surfboard and I, drifting and floating with the water. I had been stuck here for quite some time now. Hours maybe.

It was incredibly lonely and quiet because there were nothing but the waves, the air, and my thoughts. There were no ships, no boats, not a single person or any form of hope on the horizon.

As far as my eyes could see, it was just all blue. Just the water, the sky, and nothing else.

I realized now, the downside of being a lone wolf was that no one would know if you were missing. I went out alone this morning, no one knew where I went. No one could possibly know where I was right now. And I bet no one would know if had I died either.

Well, that sucked balls.

Hours had passed and I could see the sun was about to set. Which meant I had been floating here for quite a while, maybe more than ten hours already. I had drifted in and out of consciousness, with thoughts of her flashing through my head.

As I looked up to the sky above me, I wondered if I should start praying to God. Maybe I should confess all my mistakes and sins so that He'd forgive me and let me be with my mother when I get up there.

Now if I were to look back on all the sins that I had done... the worst one would probably be for loving her. For loving her too damn much. But hey God, I was just a man, trying to love a woman. Everything I did, I did it out of love. I never wanted to hurt her, or ruin her life. My greatest sin was that my love was such a curse.

I was a piece of shit. Still am. What was I thinking— I actually believed that I deserved her, that I could make her happy, and that we could be together by making her throw away her family.

I couldn't make her happy, and she'd regretted it if she ever came with me. I wondered if she actually ever did love me, the way that I loved her. Maybe not. Maybe I was just a phase in her life, all girls liked bad boys, maybe I was just a rite of passage.

Maybe someday if I ever see her again, I will ask her. But I guess now I will never know.

I must say though, dying slowly sucked. My skin was badly sunburnt. I was severely dehydrated. I felt nauseous. My head was spinning. And I didn’t know how much longer of this I could take.

A piece of advice for anyone who’s listening; if you were to die, die quickly.

But maybe I deserved to die this way. And actually, this wasn't such a bad way to go. It was actually peaceful here, and eerily beautiful. The sky was just glorious in bright orange and blue. The waves were calm but deadly.

I was lying atop my favorite surfboard, I got my mother's name on my left arm, Kara's name on my right, and her purity ring on my chest. I was surrounded by the things I loved the most. This was fine. Definitely not a bad way to go.

I mean, it could have been fucking worse. I suddenly became very grateful that there were no sharks around. That would have been hell. This compared to that, might just be heaven.

I started to wonder if they'd ever find my body. I hoped they would, but then again, that would mean that Kara and my family would find out I had died. That would crush them. I wouldn't want that. So maybe it wouldn't be so bad if no one ever found me at all. I'd just disappear, and the world could go on, as it should.

The sun had set completely.

Now the sky was pitch black, but the moon and the stars came out to play. It was a full moon tonight, and it was shining this bluish hue. I wished she could see this, it was the most beautiful sight ever.

Looking up at the sky, I realized that Kara and I we were like the sun and the moon. We chased each other across the sky and galaxy, day and night. We were always within a distance of each other, and we came so close, yet we could never get to touch.

More time had passed and I felt so weak now. My body had lost all energy. It was cold and I was losing my vision. I knew I wouldn't make it until sunrise.

Don't worry God, I won't hold this against you. I've made my peace.

I didn’t have the strength to go on, so I just closed my eyes and I let my thoughts took me back to the memories of our summer together. I saw her summer dress, her summer hair, the way she danced, and the way we moved.

"You. You make me want to be brave," she once said.

To leave this earth at twenty-three might sound tragic, but I disagreed. I had lived a full life. I had reached my dreams, I had met a girl, I fell in love, it ended tragically, but it was fucking epic.

Perhaps, that was all that we could ask for in life. And despite everything, I'd count myself as being pretty damn lucky.

I was seeing her face again. Her eyes were brighter than the stars. A small smile appeared on her soft lips. She was twirling around, wearing this long white dress. I tucked a strand of hair away behind her ear and her cheeks blushed rosy pink.

She must be an angel.

Dear K,

I love you like I love the sea,

And I'm ok with drowning.

Literally.

Forever yours,

Ry.

\- - - - - To Be Continued - - - - -