Chapter 92: Codename: Aconite Chapter Forty-Two

For the first time in my life I feel sick to my stomach and as angry as I am, there’s a sadness underneath for something lost. I don’t trust many people, but I trusted Castor. I trusted him with my life, as do my father and mother. We were never romantic, but that didn’t mean I didn’t see him as a friend. For twenty-three years he was a confidant and in my early years he was my protector, and now it feels like a lie. To see him turn so quickly, all because he saw me having a meal with another man is… it’s fucking insane. I will wear the blame for crossing the line from platonic friends to something sexual. I took that step, and I have no one to blame but myself for that, but I’m ashamed I never saw this coming. I’m observant in every other aspect of my life, but this I missed. Never once has Castor come off as jealous or possessive. I knew he liked me, but I never thought his feelings ran so deep they were boarding on obsession. How the fuck did I miss this?

As I drive, I wrack my brain, replaying the last two years over in my mind, attempting to pinpoint the signs I missed. I feel guilt and shame; two emotions very foreign to me, but still I just can’t figure out how we went from two adults having fun because we understand each other’s worlds, to this.

We’ve had rough sex in the past and maybe even invented a few new BDSM techniques, but he’s never gotten violent or aggressive with me until now. Part of my brain is telling me this isn’t my fault. I made my boundaries clear over and over. I never made any romantic gestures, nor did I ever even stay the night with him. We made rules and I stuck to them. I never asked for more than I was willing to give, and I have always been transparent. But another part of my brain feels like this is my fault. That none of this would be happening if I hadn’t made the first move. If I hadn’t crossed that line first, maybe he’d still be in control of his sanity. I know I’m known to poison people, I just never thought I had the power to poison someone’s mind.

I suddenly find myself sitting in my parking garage with the engine running. No recollection of the roads I took to get back, and I’m beginning to question if I even paid attention to traffic lights and stop signs. Just how fucking out of it was I? Gotta give it up for muscle memory because I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason I made it home in one piece.

I turn off the engine, get out, and make my way up to my apartment. I let myself in, placing my keys and bag on the table by the door and start to take off my jacket.

“Where did you go?”

I freeze and look up to see Silas, leaning against the far wall, his impassive face staring at me, waiting for my answer.

I take in a deep breath, in no mood for more male hormonal shit. “I told you I was going out.”

I walk in, toss my jacket over the couch, and kick my shoes off.

“Yeah. You just left. Didn’t tell me where you were going, just left,” he says with a hint of agitation in his voice.

“Dad, is that you?”

“Don’t fucking get sassy, Dasha,” he snaps.

“I don’t fucking need this shit,” I hiss, turning on him and making my way towards the kitchen.

“I’m talking to you!” he shouts.

I feel his hand wrap around my upper arm, exactly where Castor had grabbed me, and I wince from the pain caused by my tender flesh. I yank my arm away and shove him hard.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I screech, an ere of hysteria to my voice.

Silas looks at me in shock, holding his arms up in surrender as his eyes zero in on my arm. His shock morphs into anger, his jaw snapping shut and his molars grinding together.

“Who did that to you?” he asks in a deadly tone that makes me shiver, but not unpleasantly. There’s something about his tone that brings comfort to my frazzled nerves.

I run my fingers through my hair, tugging at the roots in frustration, “Just leave it alone, Silas. I can take care of myself.”

“Just because you can, doesn’t mean you have to.” He sighs and lowers his hands. “I’m sorry I snapped at you, and I’m sorry I grabbed you. I was just…”

“Just what?” I ask with more bite in my tone than intended. Fucking Castor has ruined my day and my mood.

“I was worried about you. There’s an assassin who wants us both dead and the thought of you going out there alone…” He takes a shaky breath, his emerald eyes looking at me full of worry and concern. “I was scared something might happen to you.”

My face softens as I take in his words. I sigh regretfully. Silas doesn’t deserve me snapping at him. It’s not his fault someone I’ve known all my life has gone off the deep end.

I step towards him. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Castor called and wanted to talk, so I went to see him. I wish I hadn’t,” I say, looking away in shame.

Silas gently turns my face to look at him as he does his best to reign in his anger. “He touched you?”

“I handled it,” I assure him.

He looks at me carefully, appearing to be waging some internal war with himself. I’m not sure which side won, but soon he wraps his arms around me and holds me close to his chest, burying his nose in my hair and inhaling deeply. I don’t pull away. I sink into his embrace and wrap my arms around his waist, nuzzling my cheek against his bare chest. He smells like sweat and cologne, and it’s soothing my entire nervous system.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I shake my head. He holds me tighter and places a kiss on my head. “Then we don’t have to talk about it. I know you can handle yourself, but if you want me to kill anyone for you, you just say the word.”

I chuckle and hold him tighter. “Thank you, but you holding me right now is all I need.”

“I can do that too,” he says softly against my hair. “Whatever my Dasha needs.”

I tilt my head back to look at him, my heart suddenly beating furiously in my chest. “Your Dasha?”

He cups my face, holding it in his hands with such tenderness, as if he were holding the thinnest glass as he looks deep into my eyes. “You are mine, Dasha, and I am yours. I’ve felt it in my black soul from the moment I laid eyes on you, and I know you feel it too. Whatever crazy twist of fate brought us together, was meant to be.”

My heart races as words fail me. This isn’t like what happened with Castor. There’s no pressure or aggression in Silas’ words. There’s only him bearing his black heart to me. The biggest difference between Castor’s claim and Silas’ is that it’s not one-sided. Silas carved a place for himself in my heart the day we met, and from that moment I’ve felt connected to him. Not even death can come between us.

I placed my claim on him just as he did me. I never for a moment felt for Castor what I feel for Silas. I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for this ungodly creature. Despite everything, I feel safe with Silas and feel more like myself with him than I’ve ever felt with anyone. There’s no point in denying what I feel, not after today. We belong to each other.

I hold his face in my hands, looking back into his emerald eyes that call out to me like a lighthouse guiding a ship safely home. I reach up on my tippy toes and place my lips on his in a deep kiss, filled with longing. His lips press against mine, returning my kiss as his arms circle my waist, holding me to him, his arms acting as my sanctuary. Our lips move slowly, tenderly, each gentle caress sinking deep into my bones, leaving their mark on me.

As our lips part, I look up at him, his eyes sparkling as I tenderly brush my thumbs against his cheeks. “You are mine and I am yours.”

He smiles, leaning forward, pressing his forehead against mine. “I told you so.”

I chuckle, feeling lighter as I wrap my arms tight around him, nuzzling against his chest as I continue to let our contact soothe my body. One thing is for sure though: nothing in my life makes sense. I escaped the violent arms of someone I trusted my whole life, to seek comfort in the arms of someone who tried to kill me. There are just some things in life you can’t prepare for.