Chapter 36

Xander was frustrated. For the past weeks, he'd evaded Julia Wynter. She'd shown up to his office multiple times, she’d sent gifts, numerous texts, and calls, and hounded him but he had managed to avoid her completely and now she was showing up at his apartment.

He didn't know where the sudden obsession for him came from. He hadn't spoken to her since the night they'd officially met at his family’s estate. He had invited her on a perfunctory date but work had come in between and he'd canceled it with no plans of rescheduling yet she was everywhere he turned like she had no life of her own and it was irksome.

He took a look at her and Xander didn't need to think too deeply to realize she was drunk. Her words were slurred, her movement erratic, her steps swaying. Why was she drunk and in his building at this time of the night?

“I'm sorry about this,” he whispered to Kathleen who remained stiff in his arms watching Julia. Xander quickly pulled up his driver’s number and sent him a text.

“You are sorry?” Julia asked with disbelief. “You should be apologizing to me! You've been ignoring my calls, you haven't spoken to me in weeks, Xander.”

He gritted his teeth. He had enough thorns in his flesh; his grandfather, his brother, the shareholders, and the company itself. He didn't need this woman he'd only met once adding to it.

Xander walked up to her. “Listen, Julia, I made no promise to you. Your father and my grandfather agreed that I might choose to honor or dishonor if I will. You have no claim over me and you are embarrassing yourself, my driver will be here to take you home, and when he comes, you are going to quietly go with him and stop making a ruckus.”

She opened her mouth to speak.

“Do you understand?” He asked, his finger pointed at her, his tone stern.

With a swallow, Julia nodded, her cheeks tinting red.

The driver pulled into the drive and Xander stood back as he helped Julia into the backseat of the car. She didn't protest and soon after, the car sped off, taking her with him.

Xander let out a breath. “I'm sorry about that,” He said, turning to Kathleen but she didn't look at him when she nodded and said, “It's fine, it is to be expected.”

They rode the elevator quietly to the penthouse and Xander noticed how she turned away from him. He didn't blame her for being mad at him. When he'd seen her with another man the other day at the cafe, his blood had boiled with indescribable rage so much so it had taken a lot of restraint for him to not grab the bastard by the neck and send him to hell in the same second.

He opened the door and she stepped inside the apartment, he followed behind closely.

He stopped her as she attempted to head into her room even though she hadn't slept in her room for a very long time.

His hand held her by the wrist gently. “You are mad at me,” Xander said, his eyes searching hers but she avoided eye contact with him yet again.

“I'm not, just tired. It's been a rough night.”

“Come to bed with me then,” he said, pulling her by the waist closer, the need to feel her body next to his burning him from the inside.

“I think it'll be best if we sleep apart,” she said and pulled away.

Her rejection stung, Xander felt her words slice through his chest, leaving a trail of pain that made him feel like his guts were being twisted. The ache swelled, the weight of it pressing on his lungs until he felt as if he couldn’t breathe.

“Kathleen…” he reached out for her again.

“Goodnight, Xander.”

And when he heard the door to her room shut, it felt like something had broken inside of him. It was silly for him to feel this way, it was stupid but he knew it wasn't. He had slept alone all his life but he couldn't imagine going to lie on his cold, empty bed and managing to fall asleep tonight.

Her exact words had been “I think it'll be best if we sleep apart,” and that troubled him more than it should. She hadn't added “tonight”; she had left her words open for a possible number of many nights. How many?

Xander knew he'd messed up. This was his fault and he should have handled Julia Wynter better but he didn't know what to do with the goddamn woman. He did not even know she knew where he lived.

With a groan, he entered his room. In Kathleen’s absence, the room felt like a dingy cold space.

He grabbed some documents and headed into his study where he remained working until the first morning light streamed through his windows. Outside the study, he heard movement and shot up from his seat, hurrying up to the door.

Kathleen’s head snapped toward him when he stepped out of the office and her eyes ran through him, taking in the fact that he was still wearing his clothes from yesterday, Xander saw from the realization on her face that she could tell he hadn't slept a wink last night.

He noticed she’d been trying to exit the house as quietly as possible. Her painting bag slung on her shoulder, her shoes in her hand.

Pain snatched his breath. “You were trying to avoid me?”

She paused. “Yes,”

He took a step closer.

“Xander, don't.”

The pain traveled down his lungs, wrapping around his chest. “You don't want me to touch you?”

She closed her eyes briefly before looking at him. “It's all too much, Xander. For me, for you… I don't know, this isn't right, it doesn't feel right. Watching that woman last night made me feel horrible about myself and all of this. What was I thinking?”

Kathleen laughed, shaking her head. “I can't be the reason another woman is hurting so much. This…” she indicated the space between both of them. “It doesn't mean so much to either of us that it should cause another person such a level of pain.”

Something cracked in him; it was quiet and earth-shattering in the same breath. Xander felt it explode, travel through his body, and break every bone that held him together. His hand reached out to grab the counter, his knuckles whitening as he held onto it with all the strength he had left.

“So what are you saying?”

She straightened, seeming to decide at that moment. “I had wanted to go out early and get my thoughts sorted but maybe…” she paused, swallowing. “Maybe I don't have to,”

This time he took quick strides until he was in front of her, his heart pounding. “Don't say it,”

“I'll return to Goodsprings, Xander.”

“No,” his voice was barely above a whisper.

“It's for the best and you know it.”

He took her hands in his and looked at her, not even bothering to hide the pain he felt. He'd never had to beg anyone for anything in his life. Archibald Blackwood had taught him that no real man pleaded for a single thing and that he was a Blackwood and the world was for his taking.

“Please,” Xander begged. “Please, don't do this.”