Chapter 37

The next few weeks were a blur; a mix of empty days and long nights for Xander. He went through it monotonously spending as much time as he could in his office working late and when he finally stumbled into his home, he spent the night in his study because he couldn't bear to face the emptiness of his bed.

It didn't affect his work, on the contrary, he put so much energy into closing all the pending deals and channeling as much of his fuel into the company, that he was like a machine. The only person who noticed the change wasn't normal was Olivia.

“Mr. Xander, your car is waiting,” she said, stepping into his office after a knock to announce the same thing she had been coming to announce after every work day.

He gave her the same answer he had been giving her for the last few weeks. “I'll drive myself home when I'm done.”

She turned around to leave, sighed, and turned to face him. “I heard you've been working late sir. Permit me to say but it is terrible for your health, the CEO election is coming soon and it'll be awful if you were to fall sick, not with it so near and you so close to your goal.”

He looked up at her. “I'm fine,”

“I could book you a session with a therapist if you need to talk to someone. Dr. Jamal is discreet and one of the best in his field.” She offered.

“I do not need a shrink, Olivia,” he said through gritted teeth. “I am fine.”

“Your mother is…”

Something snapped inside him. “I am sick of hearing you mention my mother. When I say I am fine, I am fine so you can run along and tell her that!”

The color drained from her face and she nodded quickly before hurrying out of the office. Xander slammed his fist on the table, anger exploding inside him. He was sick of himself, sick of his own fucking life.

He felt suffocated like something was sucking the life from him with every passing day. His eyes flitted to his phone that lay on the table and he had to stop himself from picking it up and calling her.

She had made him promise not to, she’d said it was better off they remained as strangers and there was nothing he could say that would change his mind.

He'd hated Julia Wynter for what she did but more than anything else, Xander hated himself for not being able to do anything about this mess.

His phone pinged and he grabbed it, his heart beating wildly. Even though Kathleen hadn't reached out to him or returned his numerous messages and calls, he still couldn't help but wait until she eventually did.

His face fell when he saw it was a text from Julia:

“I absolutely loved the flowers, thank you. Tomorrow I'll be going shopping with your mom for the dress I'll be wearing to The Summit event. Your mother asked me to get you to join us.”

He dropped his phone, his brows creasing trying to recall if he'd asked Olivia to send her flowers but he hadn't so it was very likely it had been from his mother. He ignored the text and tried to focus on the work on his computer screen, forcing Kathleen to the parts of his mind he couldn't reach.

Someone knocked on the door and stepped inside before he could say a word.

“What do you want again, Olivia?” he asked, irritated.

“Olivia?” a warm voice asked humorously. “I don't believe I am that similar to her but oh well,”

He looked up and his eyes softened when they fell upon his younger sister, Victoria.

“I didn't know you were back,” he said, straightening.

She laughed and twirled in the office. “I got back a few hours ago. How do I look?”

“Beautiful, as always.”

“Why, thank you, brother.” She reached him and kissed him on the cheek. Out of all of Xander’s siblings, he'd always been closer to Victoria. She was the last child and as the first, he'd felt a more intense natural affinity to be protective of her. She thought it ridiculous but their bond was firm regardless.

Victoria paused, her eyes searching his face. “What happened to you?”

He cocked an eyebrow.

“You look like you've been crying yourself to sleep for weeks,” she added.

He chuckled and turned away from her. “Thank you very much, Victoria. I look like that because I've been working without sleep to make enough so you can travel the world to collect the arts you love so much.”

She laughed and walked away, settling on his sofa and kicking her feet up. “Don't be ridiculous. You make enough to never work a day in your life again, also the past months have been so much fun, you should come with me.”

“I'll pass,” he simply said.

Victoria frowned. “You never go on vacations, that's a sad life.”

He folded his arms across his chest, the corners of his mouth curling upward. “I make enough money for you to go on as many vacations as you desire. I think that's a satisfying life.”

She rolled her eyes in response. “You are just as stoic and proud as our grandfather.”

He shook his head at her and went back to working aware of the fact that she was watching him keenly. He ignored her and ignored the gaping hole in his chest like he had for a while now.

It'll go away, it meant nothing. He'd been in the same position before and he got over it. Kathleen had made the choice he had been too cowardly to make and he applauded her for that so why the hell couldn't he still get her out of his head?

His fingers on his computer stopped—why had he allowed this woman into his life and she'd upheaval it and left him an empty shell? Xander didn't feel whole, it felt like she'd left with a major part of him and the only thing she’d left behind were memories; pieces, and fragments of what they’d shared.

She was in his bed, his arms, his mouth, his hair. Everywhere he turned, there was a memory of her and the worst part was that he wouldn't have it any other way. He went back to his apartment every night because he couldn't bear not going to the place he'd shared with her even though the sight of it and the loud emptiness that resonated there tore his heart apart.

With bloodshot eyes, he watched the movies they used to watch, and even though the pain of not running his hand through her hair and hearing the soft laugh escape her as he sometimes attempted to distract her from the movie burned into him, Xander watched it because reliving those tiny moments they shared helped him feel closer to her, helped made her absence a little more bearable to live with.

“Xander,” Victoria called quietly, snapping him back to the present and it was then he noticed his hand was trembling. “Are you alright?”

Xander could only stare at her, the lie unable to leave his mouth. He wasn't alright and he wasn't certain he would ever be. Kathleen had come into his life and left it in ruins, there was not a single thing in this world he could do to fix what she'd broken.