Chapter 4: Our First Date

Monday morning again, back to school again, let’s hope this week is better, let's hope this week I keep my shit together. Well if I don’t run into the bathroom boy, I should be okay. I'm still not feeling 100%, so I throw on some random clothes, not caring what I look like. I make my way to campus for another wonderful Monday of classes. I don't pay attention to who's around me or what's going on at school. I walk from one class to the next, sit and repeat. Lunchtime I make my way to the courtyard, sit underneath a big oak tree by myself, put my earbuds in, eat my lunch, and listen to my music trying to block out the rest of the world. Lunch is over, I can tell because people are leaving the courtyard. I follow my co-dancers into the changing room and out into the studio. I feel like a robot, running through the motions of our moves until class is over. I feel relieved that I made it through the day, I walk back to my dorm up the stairs through the foyer, and up to my bedroom. I get to my door; I can’t wait to go inside to escape from my life. Looking at my door, there's a note on it to go to the front desk. I walk back down the Hall and back down the stairs to the front foyer where the front desk is. A girl is sitting behind the desk when I hand her the note, she gets a huge smile on her face, not exactly sure what is going on, but I wait. She goes into the back room and comes back out with a big bouquet. They are beautiful, they're a mix of wildflowers to be exact, as I walk up to my room, I read the little card that's with the flowers I hope you're feeling better 416 - 217 - 8300

Call me if you want to talk -ADAM

Seriously so many things are running through my head right now. He has a name, finally, I know his name. Adam -that suits him. But why send me flowers after my breakdown? Why does he care? And if so why and how does he know my name? Do I call him now? I'm not calling him. Why do I have butterflies in my stomach? Who is he? You know what, I'm just going to text him and say thank you. Wait is that all I say? Maybe . . .

Me: Sorry for Friday night, & Thanks for the flowers. They’re beautiful - Molly Oh, crap I must be at my new hip-hop class in 10 minutes. So much for hiding away from the world tonight. I throw my phone in my bag and run out the door. The dance studio isn’t far from school, I am sprinting there, so I don’t walk in late. I found this place online, so I hope it’s good. Outside it looks like a dump of a building, I walk inside to find it looks like any other studio I have been in. Class starts and our instructor is so laid back; I’m not used to this. I chose a class outside of my regular school schedule to keep my body loose. The class was fun and energetic. I take my time walking home, going over in my head what I must do for homework tonight. Up in my room, I start my homework, I see the flowers again. Everything comes rushing back and I check my phone, sure enough, I have a message from Adam. I’m nervous to check what it says.

Adam: No need to be sorry, I’m glad you like them. What are you up to? Do you want to meet up?

Meet up really? That was an hour ago is it too late to reply now I don't remember how this works or how it's supposed to play out can I even do this what am I even going to say ‘Sorry you remind me of my dead husband’ no that sounds bad and I sound like a pity case will I even be able to keep my shit together can I even face him again so many questions in my head. OK, I will text him back what to say sorry ‘I'm a freak show’ ‘Sorry I'm a freaking mess’ ‘You remind me of someone who died’ Leave out the husband part. Anyway, I spun it, it doesn't sound good. Hey got it this time ‘hi Adam I'm not sure you want to hang out, I'm a hot mess I lost someone I loved you remind me of it. I will probably cry whenever we are together but if you're cool with all that let's meet up’ I stare at the message and read it over again then I delete it. I can't say that this needs to stop. I'm not ready to explain all of this and nor should I have to.

Me: Sorry I was in class, have a lot of homework, maybe some other time.

Well, it's not a lie, hopefully, I can keep him away for a little longer. Why does he want to hang out anyway, especially after last Friday? Why do I overthink everything all the time? focus on my homework and forget about this.

beep beep Adam: No worries, maybe tomorrow for lunch?

Oh my god. Seriously, why doesn’t he give up? If he wants to get to know how screwed up my head is, Me: Are you sure you want to?

Adam: Why wouldn’t I? Are you some sort of serial killer? j/k I already checked with Lacey, so I know you’re not.

Me: You asked my bestie about me? Hopefully, she warned you to stay away because I’m crazy Adam: I can handle crazy, just have lunch with me Molly Please! If it sucks, then the worst thing is you wasted your lunch period and on the plus side you got flowers.

Me: Okay fine it’s not like anyone will get hurt. The pub at noon?

Okay time to freak out, did I just make plans with Adam? Oh great, now I’m going to stress until noon tomorrow.

I wake up early and head down to the showers, I think for the first time like ever I shower before school. Back in my room I sit at my desk, put on makeup, which I rarely wear, and blow dry my hair with the defuser, so it goes a wildly wavy curly look, again something I never do in the morning. Now what the hell am I going to wear, I search my closet for the hottest outfit I own. I came up with not the hottest outfit because who the hell would wear that to class, channeling my inner princess and going with my Merida-inspired outfit to compliment my Merida-like hairstyle. A pair of brown loose-fit shorts, a dark green thin long sleeve shirt, it’s super cute V-neck with a few small buttons down the front and it just moves with my body sometimes it’ll fall off one shoulder. And with my brown ankle boots and brown hobo bag, I feel like Adam won’t even know it’s me.

It's almost noon. I walk into the pub. I don’t see him so I grab a table where I can see the door but don’t look desperate. Maybe I should just sit at the bar, crap those butterflies are back. I go to get up to move to the bar, so I don’t feel like such a loner. Never mind Adam just walked into the pub, should I wave or just let him find me? Don’t be a nerd just be patient, and play it cool. I’m trying not to stare but he is so easy to look at. With his blonde hair, blue eyes, freckles, big smile, tight butt, lean body, and his style, blue jeans, white and black Adidas, and a plain black t-shirt. He’s simple and I like that. Where is he going? Did he forget we had made plans? Adam walks over to another table, but I can’t see who is sitting at it. I don’t know that I want to watch myself be stood up if that makes any sense. I stand up and grab my bag, maybe I shouldn’t have come. Oh, wait never mind he’s coming over here. He is coming over here and I am now awkwardly standing. What do I do, what do I say?

“Hey Molly, are you leaving already?”

“Uh, I am still deciding” I reply.

“Oh, we can leave if you want, go for a walk, and get to know each other better?” Adam suggests.

“Sure, yeah, that sounds good” Why am I always awkward around him?

We walk out of the pub side by side, neither one of us saying a word. We head to the courtyard and start following the path I saw on the first day, maybe now I will see how beautiful it is for clearing my mind later. I don’t know what to say to Adam while we walk, we are walking in silence. Enough with the silence.

“Before we walk for hours my next class is at 2 o’clock and I have to change before class.”

“No problem I have to change for my class too, I’m in the modern dance program but for my elective, I take some contemporary classes and I find them helpful. So, are you a dancer or an athlete?” he asks.

“I thought by the comment at the bar last weekend you knew I am a dancer? But yeah, I just started. I'm not very good yet, but I like it. How long have you been in the program?”

“I’m in my second year. What made you start dancing? What program are you in?” Adam asks.

“I am contemporary, but I take hip-hop classes down the street,” I reply I’m just going to ignore the first part of his question, hopefully, he doesn’t notice.

“You do know the school has hip-hop classes, right?” Adam chuckles as he asks.

“Yes, but I don’t have electives because I’m also studying to be a trainer, so my semester is packed and I like taking Joe Blow classes. You learn Street moves, it keeps me on my toes no pun intended." I answer.

“That's cool, what’s your favorite dance style?” he asks.

“I like combining styles to find a new routine, but I know at the school you can’t mix it up, but I am learning some great new moves. You?” I ask.

“I love watching hip hop, but I suck at it and I like contemporary the best, it’s a feeling of freedom and discipline rolled into one dance.” He answers.

“How could you be bad at hip hop you looked damn good at the bar last weekend.” Crap why did I bring up that night again, hopefully, he stays on dancing and doesn’t ask questions about that night. I don’t think I will be able to deflect.

“I don’t know if I would call what I did hip hop. It’s just what I do at the bars, clubs, or whatever but thanks nice to know you think I’m good at it, I already know you liked the show right?” Adam looks at me and smiles this flirtatious sly smile.

“So, Molly, you live on campus, but where are you from?” He changes the subject.

“Born and raised in Port Colborne, moved to Orangeville for a while then back to Port, and yes now on campus where do you live? Are you from around here?” I return the question.

“I live off campus in a house. I rent a room in it, I grew up in Oakville and never lived anywhere until moving to Toronto.” Adam answers.

I stop talking because I feel like some personal questions are going to start coming out. What else can we talk about? Let's keep it away from our personal life too much, well our deep personal life anyway. I’ll ask about his hobbies.

“What other stuff do you like besides dancing? Do you have hobbies or interests?”

“I like hanging out, I am a football fan, baseball fan and I know it seems weird for me to be in the School of Dance and yet still be a typical guy but I am. What about you, do you leave any time to have a hobby?” Adam eyes me suspiciously.

“Yes, I also like baseball. I prefer to play more than I enjoy watching a game on TV, however, I may start going to more games since I’m in Toronto now. I enjoy fishing, being outside, and football, oh I also love to do anything crafty. So, what’s your team?” I answered excitedly.

“Blue Jays obviously and I know this won’t make sense, but my football team is the Steelers,” Adam says casually.

No freaking way did I make that up in my head. I stop walking and stare at him. Adam turns around staring back at me confused as he asks.

“Are you okay? You look like you might pass out.”

“Sorry, yeah just surprised. Did you say the Steelers like the Pittsburgh Steelers?” I need to clarify this.

“Yeah I know it's weird, but I grew up as a fan.”

“No, it’s not weird I like that team too. Just uncommon around here that’s all.” Hold on, how is this real life? I am trying to keep it together that his team is the same as Jeremy’s was, but honestly how in the heck, then something dawned on me only for a moment. What if somehow Jeremy has something to do with me and Adam meeting?

“Do you really like the Steelers and do you watch football?” Adam asks, surprised but serious at the same time.

Hold on a minute, we are heading in a direction of questions I don’t want to answer. Well, so it feels anyway. I answer by trying to change the subject.

“Maybe we should head back now and I watch the game, not devoted to watching everything football on Sunday. I don’t follow stats, trades, or rank but I enjoy the game and understand the rules and definitely can get caught up in it when watching.” I realize I’m rambling on and look over at Adam.

Why is he smiling? Did I say something stupid? I’m just going to ask so I don’t second guess everything I have said.

“Why are you smiling? What did I say that was wrong?” I ask shyly.

“Nothing, sorry it’s not every day you find a girl into football because she enjoys the game and she cheers for the same team not just because I like them and I’m sorry you said you fish. Do you bait your hook and take the fish off?” Adam is shaking his head in disbelief.

“Excuse you? Do you think I’m some sort of princess? Because I’m not, I’m far from a princess. When I use bait, yes, I do it myself, but I prefer to use tackle and catch bigger bass that way. And I’ll take them off if they aren’t pike, their teeth are sharp and if you don’t hold them the right way, they will spike you." I answer with a hint of sass to my tone and stop walking to look at Adam. If he is going to ask questions now, maybe I should tell him.

“What’s wrong Molly?” he looks concerned, I wonder what my face looks like now.

“I’m just waiting for your reaction.” That is all I say.

“Ha-ha I’m shocked and have so many more questions for you but I don’t want to ask them all at once. I want to save some for the next time we do this.” Adam confidently tells me.

“The next time eh? That’s presumptuous of you but before class starts, I have a few for you. How do you know Lacey?” I ask.

“I don’t really, she hangs with the basketball team and I have a few guys I know on the team” Adam answers.

“So is that how you found out who I am?" I ask another question.

“Yes and no I heard Lacey call you Molly on Friday, but I found out when I dropped the flowers off at your dorm, they helped me piece you together.”

“Oh, but you asked Lacey about me?” I want to know what they talked about.

“Yeah” Aww he has such a bashful look, it’s so cute.

Why do we have to have a class? I want to know more about him even if that means more about me. We unfortunately walked back to school, Luckily the school has only one wing for all the dance studios which means we are headed in the same direction. Once we get to the door for the girls' change room, I go in for a hug without even thinking, but to my surprise, Adam embraces me and with a whisper says.

“I’ll text you later”

Beaming, I turn and walk into the girls' changing room. I changed into my ballet bodysuit. During class, I give it all I got. During lessons, I think I’m on a post-date high if we can call that a date. I am trying not to watch the clock or my phone for a text but seriously I'm impatient. I decide to go to the Academy studios to practice my style of dance. Taking some of what I learned in hip-hop and contemporary combining them to make up a dance. It is probably one of the things I enjoy most about dancing. As I stretch, I look through my music on my phone to pick a song to create with. I look up from my phone for a second, I see Adam through the doorway, should I go say hi? No, I don't want to seem needy or anything, but the perfect song just came to me, I find ‘Come On Over Baby’ by Christina Aguilera, get up, and plug my phone into the speaker. I take a minute to think about how I am going to start the dance and turn my phone on silent so I don’t hear if a message comes in. I crank up the volume hoping to catch his attention. The song starts, and instantly I am lost in the rhythm. I completely zone out. The song ends, I head back to my phone to pick another song and realize I have a new text message.

Lacey: Hey Girl, I hear the bathroom boy has a name, when were you going to tell me?!?

Me: When were you? Have you eaten yet? Meet for dinner I’ll fill you in since I kind of went out w/ him Lacey: Kelsey’s in 20

Me: See ya there Perfect another distraction from the fact that Adam still has not texted me and from the fact that I saw him already after school and still nothing from him. Lace will be able to give me some advice. I hope anyway because I forgot how to do this. Or she will tell me I’m crazy. Either way, I need a friend to help me through this. I grab my stuff and call a cab to Kelsey's. I don’t bother changing or showering. It's just Lace and I’m starving. I wait outside for her. Easy to tell when she arrives, I hear her before I can see her.

“MOLLY you’ve been holding out on me.” she hollers as she approaches. Lacey comes to hug me and then stops.

“Yeah I came right from the studio, I wouldn’t hug me.” We walk into Kelsey’s and straight to a booth in the bar area. We have barely sat down when Lacey starts the interrogation.

“OK spill it, how did he go from bathroom boy to a date?”

“You tell me! You apparently know him?” I scold her.

Luckily our waitress comes instantly, I order a fishbowl Sangria and spinach dip, and Lacey orders the same thing. I think she just wanted the waitress to leave so I would start talking.

“Okay Molly, you spill first then I will.” She says.

I fill her in on everything: the flowers, the walk, how we talked about our interests, and now radio silence. Our drinks arrive and by this time I need a big ol’ swig.

“What do I do Lacey? Just play it cool like I don't care?” I ask for advice.

“Yes, Molly, he came asking about you using my boys from ball. I barely said anything other than you're hot and smart. But for real who cares, a few days ago you wanted nothing to do with him.” She reminds me.

“I know but I do, I kind of care, I think I kind of like him, I think.” I’m stuttering over my words, unsure how she’ll react. My phone suddenly is buzzing, I'm afraid to look. I just look at Lacey bug-eyed. I take another drink; in fact, I just keep the straw in my mouth while I look at my phone.

Adam: Hey Molly What’s up? How was class this afternoon?

“Lacey, he messaged me, do I message him back instantly or wait a few hours or minutes?” I’m talking so fast “Oh my God, relax, it's just a text, reply like you would with any other person.” She's so casual.

“Lacey, it's been so long since I had to do this. Is my face red? Why do I feel like I have butterflies and what do I say?” I pout at her.

“Oh girl you better open your eyes he's clearly into you and you aren't even trying here give me your phone I got you.”

As Lacey is typing our food comes, I am starving, so I dig right in. My phone beeps while she is typing. I am impatiently waiting to see what she types and what or who the new message is from.

“Here send this and then go home get on something hot and just go have fun don't overthink it. If anything comes up in conversation about your past and Jeremy just says it's complicated for now and you will explain one day.”

I read the new message from Adam and then the message Lacey wants me to reply with, then look at Lacey with an unimpressed expression.

Adam: Saw you at the studio, Damn girl you make it look so easy.

Me: I don't make it look easy, I make it look amazing, I'm out with my girl. Want to meet up in an hour?

“I'm not saying that I don't talk like that and I can't, I still have schoolwork to finish.”

“Is it due tomorrow? Probably not, but fine here I’ll try again.”

Me: thank you so much, kind Sir, I'm a huge nerd and spend all my time dancing and studying Lacey reads the message as she is typing it, I roll my eyes at her.

“Lacey, you're so dramatic, give me my phone.” She hands it over and I begin to erase the message.

“I'm so dramatic says the girl who can't just write a simple text to a boy she's into” I roll my eyes at her again, I write my message this time Me: Hey Adam, I didn’t know you were at the studio. I’m out with Lacey. What are you up to?

Very proud of myself I hit send, take another sip of Sangria, and sigh in a sense of relief.

“You're right I am being dramatic. I'm just going to pretend he's a nobody but just in case hurry up and finish your food so I can go home to shower and get ready.”

I scarf the rest of my food down and slam back my fish bowl, I’m feeling good. I leave cash on the table for Lacey to pay the bill.

“Call me after or tomorrow, however long it takes,” Lacey says smiling.

“Shut up, I’ll call you later.” I dart out of Kelsey’s.

Hop into a cab, I didn’t call one but I took someone’s, oops. While sitting in the cab my phone buzzes.

Adam: Just on my way home, I was out with the boys for a bit. Do you have a lot of homework tonight?

Me: Nah, I’m pretty well all caught up, you?

Adam: Kinda, wanna come help me with it?

Is he serious? Oh, wait is this just an excuse to get me to come over? Molly just relax. play it cool just like anyone else what would I say if it was anyone else?

Me: Are you serious? I know I’m pretty smart, but I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic through text.

We arrive at my dorm, I pay, get out, and run up to my room, I need to shower, do my hair, and find something to wear. I will worry about his reply after I shower. I grab my bathroom bag and head down the hallway to the showers. Back in my room I once again am faced with the dilemma of what the heck am I going to wear! I already dressed like Merida, what inner Princess can I harness tonight. I’m going with wild and free Rapunzel hoping this will be the best day ever! As for what I will be wearing, I put on a pair of black leggings. What boy doesn’t like a girl in leggings right? For a top, I choose to go with my purple lace racer back bra and a thin see-through light purple button-down top. I want to have a sex appeal but not dress like I’m going to the club. And since I just showered and don’t feel like blow drying my hair, I braid it down the one side as my inner Princess would wear it. Man, I’m such a nerd my wardrobe mirrors princesses. I better check my phone since I’ve heard it buzz a couple of times.

3 new messages Lacey: so, what’s the word you getting lucky tonight?

Adam: If you’re willing to help, I am serious lol Do you mind if I come to you, I’m like a block away.

Okay, I’m a bit panicked now, I look around my room, is it clean enough, is it too clean, do I look like I have OCD or not a life? No stop, it is what it is. I am who I am.

Adam: Hey I’m outside, you didn’t answer, but I wasn’t sure if that was bc you were busy or didn’t hear your phone. At least that’s what I’m hoping for.

Oh, crap that was like 10 minutes ago, I wonder if he is still waiting? Should I text him back and say I’ll come let him in, do I call, or just go down there? What do people do these days, do they even call each other? Oh well, I’m going to call the most direct approach.

“Hey”

“Hey, are you still here?”

“Yeah, is that weird?” I start making my way out of my room and down the hallway to the stairs.

“No not at all, sorry I was in the shower, I’ll be right down.”

“Humm, I wish I would have messaged you earlier”

“Uh pardon, did you just ?”

“I’m joking Molly, calm down.” I can see him from behind as I walk into the lobby. He looks nervous or embarrassed from that comment, but so adorable at the same time.

“I’m flattered and behind you.” I hang up the phone as he turns around.

“Hi”

“Hi”

Aww his face is red, and he is embarrassed. We just stand here for a minute before Adam starts rambling.

“Sorry I was close to the dorm so I thought it would be easier and faster if I just came here, I hope you're not weirded out and like, ”

Oh, he is nervous too, I’m glad I’m not the only one. Why is everything he does adorable, makes me want him even more, but calm down girl this is only the second time hanging out I barely know him, “Adam, relax it’s cool, honestly I don’t mind, come on I’ll show you my room. So how was the night with your boys?”

I turn back around and head back for the stairs, hopefully, he doesn’t mind, but I never take the elevator, now that I think about it, I don’t know if we have one. Wait, focus, you asked him a question, listen to the answer.

“You know typical, eat food, talk sports. How’s Lacey?”

Hmm, hopefully, he didn’t say anything important there. Lacey. Focus Molly less on inner dialogue and more on speaking out loud to Adam.

“Lacey, yeah she’s good, you know typical girls’ dinner, talk about you, I mean us, I mean my day, wait this is me.” I stop walking, turn to my door, and unlock it.

Take a deep breath since what I want to do is run inside and hide from Adam, but I don’t. I open the door, walk in, and hold the door open for Adam to come in. As he walks past me, I shyly look up at him, he has a big smile on his face. Not in a cocky way, but more in a happy flattered way.

“So, you talked to Lacey about me eh? What did you say?” he asks.

“You know, how awful our walk was, that you’re a huge dork, and that I don’t know if I would ever see you again.” I try to keep a straight face.

“Yet here we are standing inside the doorway of your room. Dorks must be your type.” I laugh and close my door, standing with my back against it now, not knowing where we should sit.

“Aww too bad, what happens at girl’s night stays at girl’s night, you sir do not get to know. However, it is nice to call you Adam now, and not bathroom boy.”

Still standing with my back against my door like I’m afraid of him. Adam is just standing in the middle of my room backpack still on, this just seems awkward. I move toward my bed to sit down and try to calm down, my stomach is doing belly flops. As I walk past Adam it looks like he is about to speak but I cut him off.

“Sorry my room isn’t very big, I’m not sure where you work best, I, however, have 2 homework poses.”

Of course, I show him because I’m so nervous I don’t know what else to do.

“Either I’m sitting in the corner of my bed,” I move to the corner of my bed as I am talking. “my books spread out all around me, or I lay down to read,” I dive forward on my bed so I’m lying on my belly, “which normally ends up with me falling asleep, and each time I hope that I might absorb all the info in the textbook by the time I wake up, so far I’ve been unsuccessful.”

Cool now I’m lying across my bed like an easy A and Adam is just staring at me still standing there with his backpack on. I sit up to make room for him, why is he just staring at me, he does that a lot, he probably thinks I’m weird and is thinking why did I come here?

“Oh, um if you don’t want to sit on the bed you can work at my desk, there’s a lamp so you can see better.” I quickly add unsure.

“No, I’m cool with the bed, I’m just trying to decide what one of your two poses would be more comfortable.”

He smiles and laughs as he walks over to the bed, he looks nervous too which is nice to see I’m not the only one. Adam takes off his backpack and sits down on the edge of the bed to grab his books. I move to sit with my back against the wall, pull my knees up, and rest my head on top of them.

“So, I do want to know one thing, why was I being called bathroom boy?” Adam asks suspiciously.

“Because we didn’t know your name, and we met at the bathrooms.” I shrug as I answer honestly.

“So, then you talk about me a lot if I had a nickname?” He smiles as he looks back at me briefly.

“So, what subject do you want help in? assuming you do have homework.” I changed the subject. Adam turns around to look at me as he says “You didn’t answer my question” Looking at him as I am still curled up.

“You didn’t answer mine either.”

He grabs a textbook out of his bag and moves back further onto my bed, so he is sitting right next to me now.

“Anatomy.” That is all he says.

“Yes, I have talked about you, sorry um if you seriously need help with your anatomy homework, you’re shit outta luck here, I am only in semester 1, and truthfully this is my second time taking the course. I failed it with a 47 a few years ago when I wanted to be a massage therapist.” I tell him honestly.

“That’s okay, maybe I can tutor you, I got an 86 in sem. 1.” He says looking down at his textbook.

“Really? That would be amazing, wait, that doesn’t help you any.”

“That’s okay I’ll get to be around you more.”

Now I’m blushing, I hide my face in my knees so he can’t see how red my face is. Why does he like me, or want to be near me, he barely knows me. Without looking up at him I must ask.

“Can I ask you something?” “Anything you want,” he says calmly. “Why me, out of all the girls in line for the bathroom that night, why me?” I ask.

“Oh, um, that’s easy, because you bought me a beer, but I never thought it was going to end in my standing guard of a stall in the guy's bathroom so you could go.” He laughs.

“Okay but if I remember correctly you were at the bar earlier that night too when I was getting drinks,” I say as if it is a question and a statement “Yeah that time I bumped into was on purpose I knew you were new to town and I wanted to meet you.” He confesses.

“There are nicer ways to meet someone than rudely bumping into them. And how did you know I was new; do you get around?” Yikes, that was kind of mean of me, I don’t care, he’s sitting in my room, on my bed, and if I’m going to keep seeing him, I want to know what kind of guy he is, will he just be my tutor or can it be something more if we want.

“Ouch that hurts, no I don’t sleep around if that’s what you’re asking. I knew because when there is someone new who can dance like you in the dance programs all the dancers talk. Plus, I saw you around campus a bunch, then again at the bar, I was looking for a way to meet you, and clearly, I made an impression.” he says as he gently bumps my shoulder with his.

“Sorry, I’m not used to the attention like that at a bar.”

I feel uncomfortable now like we just fought even though we didn’t. I get up from the bed and walk over to my mini fridge, open it up to see what I have to drink in here, hopefully a beer or something strong.

“Do you want a drink? I have water or beer.” I offer.

“I’ll have a beer thanks,” he says.

Oh, thank god, because I need to calm the crap down. I grab two beers from the fridge, open one, and hand it to Adam, He stands up to take it from me, and I turn back around to grab mine, and open it. I take a big swig of the beer and turn back around. Adam is practically standing right in front of me, I feel awkward again, so I take another drink. Adam moves around my room looking at the stuff I have hanging up.

“You can tell a lot about a person by their room,” he says as he eyes different things.

“Oh yeah, what can you tell?”As Adam walks around, he points to the different things and explains how he interrupts them.

“Corkboard covered in photos of people, your family I’m guessing, which means they are important to you. Photos in a frame mean they hold a higher importance to you. Oh, this one, a boy with you in a frame is either your brother, gay best friend, or boyfriend back home.” Adam is staring at me again, trying to read my body language no doubt. What do I tell him?

“What’s your guess?” Play it cool, he doesn’t know anything, I don’t have to tell him anything I don’t want to.

“Not your brother, you don’t look alike, he doesn’t look gay, but if he’s your boo why am I here? So, for today I’ll guess cousin?” Adam looks so serious, he is truly trying to figure this out, I chuckle.

“I’ll let you keep guessing.” Adam looks shocked that I am not going to tell him, I chuckle again “Just kidding, his name is Jeremy, he is not related to me in any way, he is also not a boyfriend, he was, however, my straight best friend.” I get up off my bed, walk over, pick up our photo, and look at it.

It is such a great photo, it was from our honeymoon. We are on the beach, our smiles are huge, and our cheeks are sunburnt, I remember we just finished playing catch in the ocean.

“I’m guessing by the way you are looking at the photo and the past tense you used that something happened?” I put the photo back on the shelf, walk back to my bed, and in the comfort of my knees, feel like I might start crying I take a deep breath “Yeah, about just over a year ago he passed away, undeniably the worst experience of my life. You asked me why I dance, he is the reason. I had a really hard time after he died, dancing brought me back to life, and gave me a safe place where I could work through my emotions. It just so happens I’m also kind of good at it, so here I am.”

“I’m so sorry Molly, I don’t know what to say.” Adam comes to sit back on the bed.

“Nothing, I don’t often talk about, no offense but for that very reason, because no one ever knows what to say, and there isn’t anything you can say. Anyways it normally leads to some depressing story and I don’t want to be the girl who lost her best friend while I’m trying to get to know you better, I want to be the girl who’s kind of into you.” Oh man did that just come out of my mouth?

Is he looking at me, I’m too afraid to look, I just stare at my beer bottle picking at the label. Maybe he won’t have noticed what I said, yeah right there is no coming back from this now, I peek up at him. Adam moves beside me.

“I won’t push you especially since you want to get to know me better, 'cause you're kind of into me.” I can hear the smile in his voice.

Yeah, I’m not looking at him, I just went from feeling sad to completely embarrassed. I am hiding my face. I feel Adam’s hands on mine pulling them away from my face which is beat red.

“Don’t hide your beautiful face from me,” I look up at him and he is staring me in the eyes, right to my soul again.

“I don’t know if you can tell I’m kind of into you too, you’ll never be the girl who lost her best friend, but one day maybe you’ll want to talk about him and I want to be here for you when you do.” His face is so close to me right now, I could kiss him, I want to kiss him, I stare at him.

Adam releases my hands and moves away from me, great I scared him away, this should be a fun end to the night. Thanks for coming to my hot mess of a life. Wait what’s happening? Adam was pulling me towards him on the bed, oh great so I thought kissing was moving too fast and now, wait all he did was pull me into his embrace. He’s not trying anything; he’s just holding me. Aww this is sweet, I turn towards his chest and wrap my arm around him. As I move, Adam freezes, I think he is nervous too. I fit perfectly into his body like it was made for me. Adam relaxes as he figures out what I’m doing. We are sitting in silence holding each other, I can’t take the silence any longer.

“Are you always this sweet to girls?” I ask.

“Not normally when we just meet, but there is something about you Molly that’s different. I feel like I have known you for a lifetime already.” With a big smile on my face “I know what you mean Adam.” We sit here again in silence as I think about the encounters Adam and I have had over the last little while.

Something or someone has been drawing us together. Why did he walk me home, want to meet me again, the way he looks at me and touches my soul? I silently wonder if somehow Jeremy has pushed us together. I look over at the clock, it's nearly midnight, and I don’t want Adam to leave. I haven’t been held, snuggled, or comforted like this in a very long time.

“Adam, tell me about your family.” Adam begins talking about his parents, then his older brother and younger sister . . .