Chapter 22
TW: Suicide
I was awaken in the middle of the night when I noticed that there are smoke everywhere the room. I cough and immediately look at my mom sleeping peacefully beside me.
“M-mom.”
I felt weak and groggy but I try to wake her up but she didn’t respond nor move… it made my heart skipped a beat and I slowly get out of the bed and went to dad’s and that’s where I saw where the smoke is coming from… it’s in his bed side table and that’s when I realize what’s happening here.
“Dad.”
I try to wake him up but he just wouldn’t respond. My hands are shaking as I reach out for his pulse and my tears are falling from my eyes while I cover my nose and mouth using my blanket, everything around my is blurry and I know I should escape but I’m scared… to leave them here.
“Shit.” I whispered to myself when realization hit me… he’s gone.
My hands are still shaking and my knees are weak and every step away from dad towards mom… I can feel my heart breaking… this isn’t real. I keep whispering to myself that I will wake up to this dream.
“Mom… please wake up.” I said again and again as I hold mom… it took me a whole lot of courage to check… I have a feeling but I don’t want to believe it. “Mom… I love you so much, please wake up. Let’s get out of here… Please mom, I need you.” I pleaded but it was too late.
I was getting weak and I couldn’t risk it but check for mom’s pulse and when I did that’s when I broke down… I cried so hard that I forgot to escape… my legs turn jelly and I collapsed on the floor… I practically crawl to the door and escape but once I got out of the house that’s when everything turn black.
**
I was awaken by an unfamiliar voice in the background and when I open my eyes it widen because I think I’m hallucinating because I think I’m seeing my mom right now… just a bit bolder version.
She’s wearing an all black dress, she has a tattoo on her collarbone and she has a lot of ear piercing. Where am I anyway? She hasn’t realize that I was awake and is fighting a doctor. I didn’t say anything but just stare at them… is she mom’s sister? I didn’t know she had a sister.
“She’s going to be fine?”
“She inhaled a lot of smoke but she’s going to be fine.”
“That’s fucked up. How am I going to tell her that it’s a good thing that she’s alive but her parents are dead?”
My heart pierced upon hearing her say that… all the memories came rushing back like wildfire and I bite my lips as tears form from behind my eyes… she’s so right, how am I going to live my life now? I have been dependent with them and never have I thought that I will lose everything that I have in life.
“Oh shit, you’re awake.” I didn’t know what to say nor react so I just look at her. She sigh and sit on the chair beside my bed. “I know this is weird for you because your mom probably didn’t tell you who I am but I’m her twin sister, and you don’t have anyone but me now… so surprise, you still have a family. I’m your Aunt Candice.”
I see, she’s not the type of the comforting type… she’s the polar opposite of mom and if it was a different situation I would probably laugh at her but right now all I could feel is pain and mourning… I don’t even know how I got here, and I wonder where my parents are right now.
I stayed there for the day and Aunt Candice left because she still has work, when it was time to leave Aunt Candice didn’t return but I was told that my bills were already paid… and I decided to come back to the house… I don’t know why but I just wanted to.
“I’m sorry for what happen.” The caretaker of the house. The house looks fine but I couldn’t bring myself to go inside… I’m scared. “I found this inside the room… your dad must’ve left this.” He handed me an envelope. “They’re at the morgue now if you want to see them.”
“Thank you.” I whispered and he patted my back before leaving.
I bite my lips as I settle down on the front porch as I open the envelope. My hands are shaking and my tears are already falling. Inside the envelope is a letter and a bank book… I sigh and open the letter… it’s from dad and my grip tighten as I began to read it.
“I know you two probably hate me right now, I never wanted this to happen in the first place but I couldn’t find another way to solve this problem… I just couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to end all of this suffering and I want the two of you to be here by my side. I’m sorry and I love you both so much. And I try hope the two of you survive… and with that I left money for you two to keep going while I’m gone… I’m sorry for what I did for our family but I love her… you two will never understand me, and I understand you… but I love you two so much.”
This is bullshit, I can’t believe dad... and he really thought that mom also survived huh… if he wanted to die why does he have to do it with us? I lost both of them because of his stupidity… and I know I should just let it go and left them resting in peace but I can’t… especially when I’m left alone with all this problems.
“I don’t know anymore.” I whispered to myself as I leave the house, decided now that I will go forward on my own… I know it will take time and because I only have myself but my mom didn’t raise me to give up.