Chapter 417: 1-1

Chapter 50.1 - Oakley POV Back in Middleburg, dad had sent me to see some head doctor, said it would help with my 'problems' with Sarah and Amelia, help us be a better 'blended family.' I'm not quite sure what the point of that guy was, it seemed like all he ever did was take what Dad and Sarah said at home, and brought it into his office. Same noise, different location but again, dad didn't see it that way. I'm not really sure ho Ben managed to never truly be in the middle. I guess now, sitting here I could see that even when he was calling Sarah mom, he had always been on my side. 'There are no sides Bumblebee,' I remembered daddy saying as I swung on the hammock on the porch. Not quite reading to head inside just yet, after leaving Kayla's for dinner. I actually liked her she had this calm about her that settled Ben... he was always so loud and angry but again, I don't think I saw that back home either. It's only now when I think back and see things a bit clearer I notice how lonely he must have been. I was a kid, but once our dad brought Sarah around and she took over everything I waited for daddy to come back to me. When he didn't, I noticed that the only way I was ever going to get away from Sarah and Amelia was if I made myself busier than ever. It wasn't all that hard, I didn't have friends, so I studied, read everything I could, soaked up random facts and anything else that I found interesting. Before I knew it, I was bored in my regular classes, and able to skip a few when the opportunity rose depending on the subject. I might not have had daddy, but I could've had more time with Ben, yet... I only saw that now. The door behind me slides against the rails and I can already catch aunt Julia's scent the minute she slid it open, the raspberry scent stronger each day her belly grew, "How you doing?" she asked pointing to the spot next to me, waiting for my nod and legs to drop so the rocking halted and she could make herself next to me. Sighing, "I'm okay... just not ready for bed yet," I murmured. "You okay?" I nodded in the darkness, "I think the only thing here that's sorta like back home," I started, "are the stars... I mean we could see them bright and everything back home. But here... it's like we can see more of them," I didn't want to talk about Kieran. I was worried, my belly hurt and my chest ached when I thought of him not wanting to be around me anymore, but Uncle Grant said that I shouldn't push him. "Yeah... the stars are really beautiful here, it's quite at night and so still..." curling my body I laid my head on her shoulder. "You don't have to hold all your feelings inside Oakley," she said after minutes of silence and my heavy sighs. Shrugging my shoulders I didn't pull away, there was no point, in that or in trying to make Kieran see me when he didn't want too. "I just - I wish I knew what I did-" I could feel her body stiffen, and she leaned away from me forcing me to look at her. "You did nothing wrong... and can I be very honest with you?" I nodded. Looking up for a moment, I could see her trying to think, it was the face she wore when she wanted to word something right, or make sure she thought of all angles before speaking. And to me, I actually appreciated when she did this, and even though I wished she'd hurry up and tell me, I knew that she was trying to find a way to explain it in a way that I understood. Something she had been doing since back home. To me, it brought a bit of comfort as well, she wasn't just being the type of adult that said something like 'because I said so,' or 'you're too young to understand.' She was finding the words, the examples to make me understand, and even then she didn't just force it down my throat. "Even though it was nice to see Kieran hanging around with you, I - there was a small part of me that knew that he would maybe pull back from wanting to be around everyone," aunt Julia said. "Really?" She nodded, "yes, not because you or anyone else did something wrong in the short time came around, but because sometimes things just don't click the first time. You remember when we took you to see that trapeze show?" "Last summer? Yeah," I remembered going, but just as much as the memory of why I needed to just get out of the house. Away from Dad and Sarah. Dad canceling on my chaperone school trip, because Amelia had the stomach flu and she didn't want him to go, then offering to let Sarah go with me. Shaking my head I pushed that memory away concentrating on what Aunt Julia was saying. "Okay you remember how the flyer and the catcher were preparing for the Hocks-Style knee hang, the first trick you saw them do?" she asked, and I could remember, "the catcher had to wait for the swinger to get their legs up, swing out from the platform, hook their legs on the outside of their hands so that when the catcher swung and took the flyers wrist, the flyer would let their feet fall away from the bar," I said excitedly recalling trying it out with uncle Grant. "Ok you remember when you swung out and instead of on the second swing taking your uncles hands you just weren't ready?" Of course, I could still remember my heart racing and not moving fast enough to be ready, "Because I was in the wrong position and the instructor said instead of grabbing his hands that I should just let myself fall down or swing back towards the platform," she smiled. "Yes... well... you are the catcher but Kieran, he's the flyer... What I'm trying to say is you didn't do anything wrong, but Kieran he wasn't in the right place for himself to accept your friendship fully," I chewed on my lip thinking over what she was saying. "And if you try to finish the trick when the catcher or flyer aren't ready both of them get hurt?" I asked in a small voice, my bottom lip trembling. She nodded sympathetically, and I understood her like I knew I would, but still hurt. "Do you remember anything else the instructors told you?" she asked pushing her feet against the ground making us rock a bit. Cuddling back against her I nodded, "It's about trust, you have to trust your movements and trust that the catcher won't miss the connection." "Good girl, what else?" Sighing, "Trust again, but this time the Catcher needs to have it, in themselves..." I whispered listening to her heartbeat as well as the babys, the slight echo a bit louder now. Wrapping a skinny arm around my shoulder I settled really thinking now, trying to apply what she said to Kieran and I. Resting my hand on top of each other palm up I remembered Kieran dragging his rough finger from my palm to the end of my finger. His heart racing and so much fear in his eyes, 'it didn't hurt.' He whispered which was confusing, of course it wouldn't hurt and I had told him so. But he thought it would hurt. He thought he wasn't good and that it was better to stay away from him. Kieran thought he wasn't normal, and that he wasn't worth it. I thought of the tattoo R43 on his arm, the healed cuts, on his arms, a few on his face, neck, legs and so many that started on his arm, near his shoulder and would curl towards his back. Some raised and bumpy while others just left a mark that was a bit darker than his regular skin tone.