Chapter 377: 1-1

Chapter 45.1 – Oakley POV After leaving Kieran to sleep, uncle Grant and I went back home, just as Ben was leaving with a large box that was probably heavier than him. Instead of heading inside right away we went to sit on the back deck near the pool and silently I was still bursting with happiness. Kieran was my mate. My own Gabriel. My own Aunt Julia. Though I was happy a large part of me was so torn up about Kieran and his parents. After having time to settle down I felt like his mom was behaving like my father… only it was at the other end of the pole. The area where she was fighting but only when she saw she should fight… when it was nearing to be too late and instead of making her own path with him, mending those broken bridges she wanted to piggy back on my efforts. To come in when he was open to the idea of touching someone, and letting them touch him, and demanding that he trust her. Demanding. Changing. Left behind. Shattered and drowning. I frowned despite my still slight good mood. “Hey Bee, what’s going on in that mind of yours?” Uncle Grant asked nonchalantly. Sighing heavily I shrug one shoulder, “thinking about daddy and Sarah, and everything,” he nodded. Never pushing, just waiting. My uncle never demanded answers from me; he always gave me time to find my words. He knew I had them in me, ‘you have all the words Bee, you just need to take time and think everything over…’ But right now… the only thing I could think was that I wished Kieran’s family knew what to do – to say to show him the support he probably wanted. I wished that my dad would’ve treated me better, nicer… I know that I was a reminder for him, and that he thought mom left, but even if she had, I wish I wasn’t the one that had to pay for it. I didn’t want to be selfish but I wish I knew for sure that if my dad had to pick between Amelia and I, that he would choose me. I was only thirteen but I don’t think we’d ever be able to fix the gap that was there and that’s why I wish Kieran’s parents wouldn’t treat him the way that they did. Especially when I had Uncle Grant and aunt Julia, it was okay – or it felt like it would be okay that dad didn’t love me enough. Kieran didn’t have that. Extra set of family members that would support him so he didn’t feel like a burden, a spot on the wall that everyone is gunning to paint over. I had long given up on having even the slightest relationship with daddy, especially when I found out that they were going to have a new baby. “I want daddy and Sarah to have a boy,” I told uncle Grant. “Yeah?” I nodded, “Why?” I look at the trees around our private backyard, “It’s petty, but I don’t think my heart can take him loving one more little girl more than he ever loved me.” Grief swam freely in my mind, my mouth dried and I decided to keep my eye on one spot, focus and remain calm. Pulling my feet up and knees against my chest I shuddered, inhaling deeply and trying to make my heart slow down, stop beating so quickly that it felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest. “You know, momma used to tell me that as long as you do your best, that’s all anyone can ever ask of you, but you had to really give it your best…” “She was a smart woman, your momma.” She was. I think, I’m not so sure anymore. I don’t know how much of her best she really gave, when it came to Chelsea. Then what about me? Daddy and Ben? The lies she kept. How much different would things have been had she kept in contact with the man that was Chelsea’s biological father? “I think she was selfish too…” I hated saying that out loud but it was okay to say that? Wasn’t it? “Why do you think that?” “If she would have told daddy the truth, I don’t think things would have been this way?” I said unsure more asking. “Do you want to know something?” I nodded, “Okay, you can’t change the past Oakley,” he says so seriously that I need to see his face, and in fact he isn’t joking or even smiling. “You won’t know what would’ve changed if she had told your father, but you are entitled to your feelings and right now, you believe that she was selfish.” I hated that he was right, nothing would change, it was, what it was. “Oakley why doesn’t it bother you that you’re dad treated Ben differently?” I glanced at him from the side. “Daddy ignored me, but then when Sarah came along, he was happy you know. Then, it was like he went out of his way to make Amelia feel welcomed. Do you know that he took her out on daddy daughter dates? Twice a month.” I say dryly. “He wasn’t there after mom left and then, everything he couldn’t do with me – he did with her. We had father daughter dances, remember?” he nodded.