Chapter 353

Chapter 41 – Kieran POV There were a lot of things that happened in the facility, but none of them were good, kind, loving or pleasurable at all, I came to know that unbelievably fast. The people in those places weren’t kind, and pleading didn’t help, crying until my throat was raw didn’t help. Those that were particularly vicious and were something right out of hell, well they loved all that. Yet you never knew who you’d get when they came, were you getting one that wanted you to beg, tell them what you did wrong, beg them for the punishment you deserved or were you going to get the ones that wanted you quiet. That would inflict pain that left your skin raw to the touch, that even mere air caused you to whimper, but they wanted you to not utter a single sound. Were you going to get the ones that like to use their hands? Or were you going to get the ones that used objects you’d find inside a home? Did they choose items that made a sickening sound as it cut air, before it even hit your skin? Would the object burn? Sting? Feel like millions of tiny pricks all at once? I blinked twice, swallowed thickly as Oakley held out her hand to me, realizing I wanted to touch her, I wanted to hold her hand. I could do that… I longed too… she wasn’t wearing shocking gloves, or the black ones they used at the facility because I was too dirty to touch. They didn’t have anything I could smell that would make me itch, no open cuts, and her hands looked soft. I spent what I knew was a long time just staring at them, deciding if it would be safe, when I looked back at Oakley I was sure I’d see her impatience but her face hadn’t changed at all, she still looked hopeful that I’d want to hold her hand. “Nothing is going to change or happen if you hold my hand Kieran,” she whispered sure of that statement, but I knew better, you don’t though, you only know what those people did to you, forced you to do, Nyx contradicted me; it wasn’t the first time but he was very persistent lately. I reached forward, keeping my eyes on Oakley’s, open and welcoming, a small smile of encouragement, while I just had so much in my head that I couldn’t concentrate on one thing. The thudding of my heart, the beating I could hear right behind my ear that seemed to be quickening. It’ll be okay Kieran Nyx coaxed me. “Why don’t you try this instead?” her other hand came up, her index finger traced from the tips of her middle finger down to her wrist, softly, just ghosting over. “This way you can see nothing bad will happen if you touch me… I won’t even grasp your hand, just – I’ll be very still…” again she said with a hopeful smile and I had to admit that did sound better than holding her hand, just touching her with one finger so I could see nothing bad would happen. “Then I can do the same to you, no one will get hurt,” I found myself nodding, even though I knew it would. With my index finger, I ghosted a finger down to Oakley’s wrist, slowly feeling the soft skin beneath my single finger. I pulled my hand back when I felt an energy, a nice feeling, starting over again, when she nodded I continued, my finger dipping into the middle of her palm, finishing the path to the tips of her middle finger. I did it again, nothing happened… I thought utterly confused, why wasn’t there any pain? I put my hand down back on my own thigh finally looking back at Oakley. Her lip turned up on the right into a smirk, “How was that?” she asked with a smile, trying to tone it down, I frowned and her smile dropped as well. “It didn’t hurt,” I answered, thinking back to the last time someone touched me in human form, the shock I received that hadn’t just happened. “Of course it wouldn’t, touch isn’t supposed to be painful Kieran.” Then why did it hurt before? What was I doing wrong before? Even as I stepped back into the Luna there was an unpleasant shock. “My turn?” I blinked at her, nodding slowly, my eyes on her face as she lifted the same hand I touched and lowered it so that her index finger could ghost over my sick. I gasped, the air leaving my lungs in a rush, it was heavenly, and it felt like I could feel that single touch everywhere. “See not so bad? Right?” Oakley asked much less tense than I was, her eyes on mine each time her finger started at my wrist again she traced over the raise ugly skin in the palm of my hand. The questions were in her eyes; she bit her lip, her eyes squinting as though I by touching me alone she’d know what happened to me, how I got that particular scar. Each time she started at my wrist again, a guttural sound, deep in my chest rumbled, and my eyes welled, overwhelmed with confusion and the ringing voices in my head, ‘you’re making me do this, you couldn’t even follow my simple instructions,’ the same sneers, ‘you think you’re parents are going here for you? They aren’t, they didn’t want you Kieran, you didn’t listen to them,’ my lip shook. I remembered the zap I felt, and I closed my eyes, again and again I remembered each zap, my small body shaking, weakening and unable to stand still. The doctor continued talking, mentioning mom and dad, a boy named Connor, another Dominic, names that were just that to me by now, I didn’t even know who these people were but I knew they weren’t where I was. I was bad, and they were good. “You aren’t bad Kieran,” I heard Oakley said, my eyes snapped open, darting around the room, cream walls replacing the white ones in my mind. I gasped softly, “Oh…” looking down to see that my large ugly hand was fully in Oakley’s smaller clean hands, one over and under. Her thumb moving back and forth, she gave me a tight smile, her eyes wet. Swallowing, I looked down again at her holding my hand, enjoying it, but not understanding. My bottom lip was quivering, I sighed, “I – I don’t want…” I stopped trying to concentrate but all I could focus on was that Oakley was holding my hand, gently moving her thumb back and forth. My chest felt so heavy and full, my stomach was turning, and my mouth turned watery, bile crept up. “It’s okay, just relax, we can just sit for a while,” she offered patiently, sniffling. I didn’t deserve this, no one was supposed to touch me, it just wasn’t possible, but she was and it didn’t even hurt. Even though I was bad and dirty she wanted to touch me. I felt weak, but I rest back against the sofa, my head leaned back, “I don’t think I should tell you – tell you how I got them,” I knew she would ask why, and I’d tell her because it’s too bad, too much. The truth was, I didn’t deserve her friendship, and I didn’t deserve her. She swallowed so loudly, I turned my head to face her, my fingers flexing in her hand, but then I curled them back holding her hand in mind. She moved closer until her knee was five inches from the side of my thigh, “You were saying that you were bad, I don’t think you’re bad or mean. Everyone said that you’re dangerous but I know the truth, and I’m not going to let them stop me from being your friend. I don’t think I deserve a friend either, but my Uncle Grant, we talk a lot since I’ve come here. You wanna know what he told me?” she said again her tone so soft, her eyes looked wider than I had ever seen them, she waited for me to give her an answer. I liked that, I liked that she didn’t push me, that she would give me choices. It would be good that way so I wouldn’t mess up so often. So I nodded, “I don’t like to look at myself… I didn’t like to even-” she stopped abruptly her face flaming red. “I look like my mom, my skin tone is like hers, ben is like my father, I didn’t look like anyone else in the family, so when I would walk past a mirror I would close my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see myself. I like the place we live on the island, but I hate that I can see my reflection everywhere; my bathroom has a huge mirror that I can’t avoid…” she looked away. “Anyways, Uncle Grant said that I should think of the littler me, like when I was little and just started looking much more like my mom, and think good things about myself for her. That I’m important now, but if I can’t see that I should do it for the younger me that was hurt by daddy ignoring me, and everyone talking about me,” she hunched over with a heavy sigh. Without thinking I sort of leaned forward waiting for her to continue because I didn’t see where she was going with this. “Down stairs you were mumbling that you were a bad boy, that it was your fault even just now… you might not think you deserve a friend, but what about the little you inside?” my body stiffened, “I mean – well Tera said that you were kidnapped… so those people that took you they told you when you were little that you were bad, even though it’s not true. They were wrong for even taking you,” she said angrily, “But I know those people that took you weren’t nice and you didn’t have anyone… no friends and you were little, wouldn’t you like that old you to have a friend? I mean I wish little me had a friend,” she finished less sure.