Chapter 248

Chapter 13 – Oakley POV As Chelsea and the others walked away I placed my hand on my chest, feeling the erratic beating beneath my palm, beating, racing in a way it had never done before. I felt out of breath despite being still, not moving an inch, a wide smile, so wide my cheeks hurt. My other hand absent-mindedly lifting, fingering the place a scar should be on my wrist, she made it go away, within minutes. I was simply euphoric despite all what I had just learned about momma, who she was, who I was, what Ben and I would be. Nothing Chelsea explained seemed safe or normal, ‘back home normal’ I mean, but I was – there weren’t words. I couldn’t find them just yet. I was a shifter, momma was what she called an ‘Elder,’ Chelsea, I could already tell was important. Everyone here was taking their cues from her I noticed, but she seemed real tired, maybe it’s because she was just shot a bunch and then came here and she’s learning a lot of new things like you. The voice inside my head offered and for once, I couldn’t even, control my emotions, my vision blurred, I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t just hearing voices – you only hear mine Oakley! Do – do you have a name? I mean do I just call you the voice in my head? I questioned, never wanting to admit this before, I shied away from responding to the voice but now… my name is Byrdie, I’m your wolf, when you shift that is- ‘Hmmm’ momma hummed, ‘where is my little birdy?’ she played along while I hid under my bed with my bear. ‘Buzzzzz’ I hummed in return, giggling but momma still couldn’t find me, ‘buzzzzz,’ I do it again to give her a clue, until she gets on the floor looking under the bed. ‘There you are birdy!’ she exclaimed happily, eyes bright, large smile, but I shake my head, ‘I not a bird I a bee!’ I says giggling, ‘buzzzzz’ I show momma. ‘Silly me! You are right… you aren’t a birdy! You are my buzzing bumblebee.’ I inhale shakily, closing my eyes as the memory takes over my whole being, and I feel hands on me, snapping my eyes open I see Uncle Grant his hand on my shoulder, and Ben, worried, his hand on my side ready to hug me, they both look at me confused, probably because you’re smiling, and big fat tears are rolling down your face, oh and you’re panting… I shake my head at them trying to breathe; it’s different, not like before when I was back home, when I felt like I was suffocating in that house. Now the tightness in my chest came without the ugly thoughts, without the shame of things I would never be able to change, there were no reminders of my shortcomings. Instead, the girl like me, with my eyes, hair and small nose, she was here and she wanted me around, years and years of wondering if they’d like me, want me around, worrying. Someone besides momma had my face, and she wanted me here, was happy Ben and I were here… The men, they – they weren’t like the people back home, the way they spoke, the words they used to describe momma, it – it made me feel big, my heart happy, she wasn’t looked down upon here. They knew the momma I knew, the brave one that was good, she was good inside, wanted to my momma. She wanted ben and I, she wanted her girls… I couldn’t control the heavy breathing, “Oakley… sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Uncle Grant said pulling me back to the wrap around sofa, sitting me down, but when I tried to open my mouth speak, my mind was blank, just different I inhaled raggedly. “That’s it, good girl,” he coached when I tried to regulate my breathing, stopping the crushing feeling that was attacking my chest. But my emotions were flooding me, crashing into me, but gradually my heavy panting, and gasping, turned into slow even breaths. “Oakley… what was that about?” Uncle Grant nodded, concerned, I hated that look but I believed it now, he really was here for me, the realizations startling. All these years, all this time, he was – it wasn’t an act or him trying to deceive me, I inhaled, determined to keep calm now, but my eyes shone, his image blurred. “Did you know uncle Grant?” I asked hoarsely, my voice so thick with emotion, but it just didn’t make sense to me. I waited patiently, his eyes widened, as he licked his lips, “I won’t be angry if you did,” I offered shrugging, but it just… he flicked his eyes over to Aunt Julia, she gave him a tight smile. “Your father was hurt Oakley, and he had you two, even when your mother was around he loved her, but he was trying to support you all, your mom on the other hand… she paid for three semesters of my tuition, when I had maxed out on loans and just… she never even mentioned paying it back, we – I didn’t find out that it was her until she was gone to be honest. When she disappeared, your father broke, but all I could remember was her face, behavior and actions… Julia and I we – it just didn’t make any sense so we called a private investigator because it was…” he seemed to be censoring his thoughts, using his hands, trying to explain, Ben sat down next to me listening too. “What your Uncle is trying to say is that… it would have made more sense that your mom left and took you two with her, than just leaving Oakley alone for that long like you said Oakley. When you didn’t want to speak of it, saying you don’t know and not giving information, your uncle and I just figured that whatever happened, scarred you. It was too much for your mind to process and face and then six years ago, it just – we saw how much you were suffering and that is when we hired the investigator. Granted we couldn’t pay for much, but what he found or didn’t find, well he advised us that whatever happened your mother didn’t leave that house, that there was nothing outside explaining where she went, that everything that had to be learned was in that house. With you…” “He couldn’t find her anywhere?” Ben asked sadly and I realize that he still had hoped that maybe momma was alive out there, living. Not gone completely. Aunt Julia, her brows furrowed in pain, pinched, but she shook her head from side to side, unfortunately, I inhaled a shallow breathe, letting what I had already knew settle, while Ben absorbed this for himself now, finally. His lip shaking, he nodded once, and then he turned to me, “why were you crying earlier Bee?” I smiled, “You know how Chelsea was talking about the voices in my head, well voice,” I rested back, this was easier to talk about now, even Uncle Grant and Aunt Julia were at ease, “I thought I was going crazy because it’s like she comments on things, knows things, jokes with me and everything, and it’s not all the time, like…” I paused looking at my healed wrist.