Chapter 226

“My own goddamn profession, you tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about… ‘Don’t you think you’re moving fast?’ remember I asked you that. Remember what you told me? ‘Oakley and Ben need a mother…’ They need a mother, what they needed was a father. At every turn, you cut that poor girl down, changed her whole world, and didn’t even consider what she was going through. Then… she openly told you she didn’t want Sarah and Amelia around-” “I had already asked Sarah and Amelia to live with us, what did you want me to do?” I shout back. “PUT OAKLEY AND BEN FIRST!” he shouts right back, “Protect your kids…” he said sadly and I know it’s killing him. I know what’s killing him. “Do you know how bad I want kids? How badly Julia wants to have my kid but I can’t give that to her? And you have that… you have two beautiful children… and – and one hates herself enough to take her own life and the other one… you don’t even know how he feels about his own mother?” he waves his hand at me, shaking his head from side to side furiously. “You had this wall put up… you think kids don’t realize situations they are in? That they don’t become resilient based on the feelings around them, especially Oakley? You were all Oakley had left; she wouldn’t bring up her mother because it hurt you to talk about Norine…” “Do you know how pathetic Ben sounds right now and its because you did that to those kids… Oakley may be able to remember, you know she was – we had her tested and was told she was a gifted child. Especially when it came to her memory and speech, but she can’t remember too much about Norine. For all these years, she’s probably been telling that boy the same thing over and over again when you more than anyone would know about them but you just don’t?” “Oakley – she tried to hold on even though she was miserable because of you and Ben. She told Ben it was okay to love Sarah and Amelia because she knew the truth, she knew how you felt. She’s a child. You’re the adult. You were supposed to be putting her first, instead you grieved for a woman that you thought walked away from you, then bring one in and what? You just let her walk all over Oakley’s mothers memory…” “Oakley thinks that her mother died that night…” I whisper as I find something to sit on before I collapse. “Yeah and while she thinks her mother is dead, the woman you brought into the house is walking all over her memory, calling Norine names and changing wall colors, throwing out all the things that Oakley had left. I’m not even going to mention the way you and Sarah treat those girls…” he snorted. “I treat Amelia just fine…” I defended, I made mistakes with Oakley but… Grant snorts loudly, “Right… you over do it with her, but make Oakley feel like dirt. Then the woman Oakley didn’t want is always bragging about her accomplishments, praising her smarts like she had something to do with it…” He didn’t say anymore, the words already said hanging thick in the air, suffocating, “This isn’t… no amount of talking is going to fix the way Oakley feels about Sarah…” I say sadly, understanding. Finally. Six years too late. Grant doesn’t answer but his silence is answer enough. “I care about them all. I made promises to Amelia and Sarah, but I love them just as I love Ben and Oakley Grant-” “Good thing you have Oakley not asking you to pick,” Grant answers dryly across the room for me. “Why do I feel like that had some type of double meaning?” He just scoffs, “because maybe you’re head finally left that hole you had it in?” sarcasm. Great. “Just spit it out.” I say. “Oakley has given up Pat… you’re trying to hold things together for everyone but Ben is the one that has the right idea. He loves Sarah and Amelia, but Oakley… not even you are before her. I’m pretty sure if you offered to let him sleep in the bed next to Oakleys in her room, he’d take you up on that.” “So what you’re saying is I should ask Sarah and Amelia to leave?” I swallow the lump in my throat. “What so you can feel like the martyr? If what Oakley thinks is right… that Norine is dead… that means that for six years Sarah has been calling her dead mother a whore…” he rolls his eyes at me, “right…” “How about you spend time with Oakley, genuinely spend time with her – without some ulterior motive.” “While she’s with me – spend time with her, help her heal from the mind fuck you’ve put on her.” My face I’m sure resembles the shock I feel from his words, “I’m not going to mince words for you Pat. Stop thinking about the whole situation, and focus on what Oakley said that first day, then the second. She loves you, but she hates Sarah more than she loves you. Days before that she said she hates Sarah, but she hates herself more than she hates Sarah. She hates, her eye color… her hair… her face – that she doesn’t look like someone you can love is all she didn’t say but the words were clear.” My vision blurs, “Oakley’s beautiful, she always was… I just…” Oh god, I groan, my head falling in my hands. “You fell in love with Norine Williams, Pat. You fell hard and deep for a woman that gave you two children. One your clone, the other – hers. You’re the parent; you do what you have to do for your child. You talk about Norine positively since that is whom Oakley identifies herself with; you talk about her even if it hurts you or Sarah to do so. You deal with that hurt privately but you put Oakley first,” He says but I don’t look up… a few minutes later I hear the door click and I know he’s left me alone with my thoughts. My mistakes. . . . Oakley POV (November 19th 2014) ‘Loving someone so much, but they don’t see you clearly.’ That’s how I could describe daddy. He was all I had left, mom was gone but I was so tired of everything.